Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 23: Episode 18

97r: Greg Kinnear / All Saints

Name That Dog

Jackson Nelson.....Greg Kinnear
Aaron Jonner.....Tim Meadows
Bill Mealy.....Chris Kattan
Model 1.....Ana Gasteyer
Model 2.....Molly Shannon
Model 3.....Cheri Oteri

Announcer: You're watching the Game Show Network. Stay tuned for Name That Dog.

Jingle: You gotta guess that dog's name(woof,woof) You gotta play the game(woof,woof,woof,woof) You gotta try and try and try and try to name that dog(woof, woof,woof,woof. Logo of the show appears on screen which is a dog cartoon with a question mark on it's chest)

Announcer: Name That Dog! And now it's time for the game show where you gotta guess that dog's name. Name That Dog!, with your host Jackson Nelson!

(Applause,host runs to his podium. The set is the front door of a doghouse and the contestants podiums are decorated with giant dog's heads)

Jackson Nelson: Hello everybody! I'm Jackson Nelson and this is Name That Dog! Let's go ahead and meet our contestants, shall we? Bill Mealy is a jigsaw puzzle photographer from Bay Mill, Rhode Island.

(Bill is very excited, runs to his dog-podium)

Bill: Ruff!Ruff! Good to be here!

Jackson Nelson: Aaron Jonner does repair and maintenance on the intercom systems for the fast food drive thru menus.

(Aaron is super excited, gets to his dog-podium)


Jackson Nelson: Take it easy there, Aaron! You all know how the game is played, we're gonna show you a dog and you have to correctly guess it's given name. First round is worth $300 dollars a dog and the final round is worth a $1,000 dollars. Are you ready?

Bill: YEAH!!


Jackson Nelson: All right then, let's begin. Dog number one is a mixed breed 4 year old from San Antonio, Texas. (Model #1 brings out a dog on a leash)


Jackson Nelson: Bill?

Bill: Is it Champ?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No. Aaron you can steal this question.

Aaron: I've got it! Champagne!!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, the dog's name is Trooper. Trooper was the dog. Next dog. And who can name it?

(Model #2 brings out next dog on a leash)


Jackson Nelson: Aaron.

Aaron: FRANKLIN!!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No.(Beep)Bill?

Bill: General?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, it was Lobo! Lobo was the dog. And the next dog. Here we go. Who can name that dog?

(Model #3 comes out with big German Shepard)


Jackson Nelson: Aaron?

Aaron: Br- BOWSER!!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No! Not Bowser.(Beep)Bill?

Bill: Montana?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, it's name is Shep. Next one please.

(Model#1 comes out carrying a small white poodle on her hands)


Jackson Nelson: Bill?

Bill: Um, Princess?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No. I'm afraid not.(Beep)Aaron?

Aaron: GINGER!!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No! Dog's name was Steve! Steve was the dog.

Bill: Ohh!

Jackson Nelson: And let's go ahead with the next dog--(siren wails)Oh, my Goodness!, is a double dog dare! Double dog dare! Double value on this guess. Name those dogs if you would.

(Model #2 comes out with 2 small dogs)


Jackson Nelson: Bill?

Bill: Pepe and Pierre.(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, I'm afraid not.(Beep)Aaron?

Aaron: Fred and Barney!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No, it was Lawrence and Cynthia. Tough break, tough break. Next dog, please.

(Model #3 brings out a Lassie look-alike dog)

Jackson Nelson: Who can name that dog?(Beep)Bill?

Bill: Lassie?(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: No.(Beep)Aaron!

Aaron: LADY!(Buzzer)

Jackson Nelson: Wait! Judges can we accept Lady?(Buzzer)I'm sorry we cannot accept Lady. The correct answer is Gummo! Gummo was what we were looking for. Very close, though, very close. And let's go on to the next dog--(Trumpets blare)Well, that's the sound of the blaring trumpets and that means its time for the Wall of Dogs.(Wall of Dogs appears on screen. The 3 models all appear with 10 dogs surrounding them, all of the dogs are on their leashes)Bill, why don't you start?

Bill: Ruff!, ruff!

Jackson Nelson: And if you would. Begin.

(Camera pans across showing all of the 10 dogs)

Bill: OK, let's see, Freddy, Remington, God!, that looks like a Thumper, uh, Iris, uh, Pogo, let's say the one not facing me Budweiser, uh,uh, Gump, Katie, Melon over there and that's Ned the one up there(Beep,beep. Time's up)That's Ned.

Jackson Nelson: Good work and your score is--(numbers flash on the screen, stops)0! Zero out of ten! Aaron let's see if you can beat that score.

Aaron: I'M GONNA DO IT!!

Jackson Nelson: All right. Why don't you go ahead and begin.

(Camera pans across again showing the same 10 dogs)

Aaron: OK, all right, Jax, Indiana walked in there. That's Ringo, uh,let's see OK, that's Ernie, OK, that's a hard one! I'll pass, I'll pass, pass. That's Ribsy with the back to the camera and then there's Brandy, William and that is FRESCA!(Beep, beep. Time's up)

Jackson Nelson: Well played, Aaron! We're gonna go ahead and tally up your score. Remember since you passed on one, you can only receive 9 out of 10. And let's take a look.(Numbers flash again, stop)O! Zero out of ten! And the correct answer unfortunately was(camera pans across showing the 10 dogs)Boots, Marshall, Navy, Peanut, Dojo, Max, Douglas, Shilo, Pixie and Ruggles.

Aaron: Ruggles, Ruggles, Ruggles.

Jackson Nelson: And we have a tie! You both win!Congratulations!(Aaron and Bill hug and high five each other)And your total winnings are $0 dollars.$0.($0.00 flash on screen)I wanna thank you both for joining us and playing this week. Next week join us where we ask you the question again, Name That Dog!

(Show's logo appears on screen)


(Cheers and applause)

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts