Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 2



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98b: Kelsey Grammer / Sheryl Crow

Terry Ferguson For Senate I

Terry Ferguson.....Will Ferrell

[ open on Terry Ferguson shaking people's hands as thye walk past him on the sidewalk ]

Announcer: Terry Ferguson is a man of the people.

[ cut to Terry waving at people on the sidewalk ]

Announcer: Terry Ferguson believes in a strong America.

[ cut to Terry talking with a black man, flinching his head back as the man talks animatedly with his hands ]

Announcer: Terry Ferguson is pro-education.

[ cut to Terry addressing the camera as he crosses the street ]

Terry Ferguson: Hi! I'm Terry Ferguson, Democratic candidate for the U.S. Senate. Twenty-three years ago, I lost my privates in a fire, leaving me completely unable to have sex with anyone or anything.

[ cut to close-up of Terry's face ]

Terry Ferguson: Imagine my surprise when the Democratic Party contacted me to run for Senate. Well, I discussed it with my wife, my doctor, even my co-workers down at Foot Locker. They al said, "Why not?" Look - I don't cheat on my wife, because I can't! I lost my genitals in a fire! So, vote for me. And I'll become a Senator. [ hesitant ] In Washington. [ holds his thumb up ]

[ cut to ad card ]

Announcer: Ferguson for Senate. He lost his genitals in a fire.

Terry Ferguson V/O: Paid for by Democrats for Ferguson!

[ fade ]


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