Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 3


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


October 17th, 1998

Lucy Lawless

Elliot Smith

None

Tina Fey

Paula Pell

Judge Judy Sheindlin

NBC News Special Report
Summary: Arrogant Republicans Henry Hyde (Will Ferrell), Jesse Helms (Darrell Hammond) and Mary Bono (Cheri Oteri) vex America and falunt their inpenetrability.

Recurring Characters: Tom Brokaw, Henry Hyde, Jesse Helms.

Transcript


Montage


Lucy Lawless' Monologue
Summary: Audience members think Lucy Lawless and "Xena: Warrior Princess" are lesbians.

Transcript


Shirt In A Can
Summary: Another stained shirt. Dammit! A can of spray paint will solve your wardrobe problems.


Judge Judy
Summary: Judge Judy (Cheri Oteri) hears the case of a stripper clown (Lucy Lawless) before the real Judy Sheindlin interrupts the proceedings.

Recurring Characters: Judge Judy, Burt.

Transcript


The History of Presidential Scandal I
Summary: Andrew Johnson slept with a bird.

Transcript


MSNBC: White House In Crisis
Summary: Female MSNBC reporters treat the Clinton scandal with a slumber party mentality.

Transcript


TV Funhouse
Summary:Despite their animosity toward one another, Howard Stern and "Saturday Night Live" are a ratings success when bred together in Rob Smigel's "Fun With Real Audio" segment.


Stevie Nicks' Fajita Roundup
Summary: Stevie Nicks (Lucy Lawless) sings fajita-themed parodies of her popular songs to promote her new restaurant.

Transcript


The How Do You Say, Ah Yes, Show
Summary: Sexy Antonio Banderas (Chris Kattan) chats with the author of a book on Lyme Disease (Lucy Lawless).

Recurring Characters: Antonio Banderas.

Transcript


The History of Presidential Scandal II
Summary: Lyndon B. Johnson's whores had a special nickname for him.

Transcript


Weekend Update with Colin Quinn
Summary: Colin Quinn is nearly stabbed twice by Chucky the murderous doll, who pretends to deliver serious commentaries on the Clinton scandal and the World Series.

Transcript


Elliot Smith performs "Waltz #2"


Biography
Summary: Drunken Jack Perkins (Darrell Hammond) narrates a biography on the life of Puff Daddy (Tim Meadows).

Recurring Characters: Jack Perkins, Puff Daddy.


Terrance Maddox
Summary: .

Recurring Characters: Terrance Maddox.

Transcript


Goth Talk
Summary: .

Recurring Characters: Circe Nightshade, Azrael Abyss.


The Culps
Summary: Marty (Will Ferrell) and Bobbie Mohan-Culp (Ana Gasteyer) sing a medley at the World Series.

Recurring Characters: Marty Culp, Bobbie Mohan-Culp.


Goodnights
Transcript



SNL Transcripts