Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 3




98c: Lucy Lawless / Elliot smith

The History of Presidential Scandal I

[Fade up to graphic that reads "CNN and Kraft Foods Present The History of Presidential Scandal." Soft piano music plays throughout the segment.]

Voiceover: In an attempt to put the current White House scandal in perspective, CNN and Kraft Foods present "The History of Presidential Scandals."

[fade down, then up to a photo of Franklin D. Roosevelt]

Most of us now know that Franklin Roosevelt had a long-time extramarital affair with Lucy Mercer.

[fade down, then up to a photo of Thomas Jefferson]

And that Thomas Jefferson fathered illegitimate children by Sally Hemmings, one of his slaves.

[fade down, then up to a photo of Andrew Johnson that slowly zooms in]

But few people know that in the spring of 1867, Andrew Johnson had sex with a bird. Johnson's affair with the sparrow was no secret among the Washington elite, and is even alluded to [fade down, then up to a political cartoon with Andrew Johnson and a sparrow close to each other and the phrase "sex not the bird" above them] in political cartoons of the time. This may be how Johnson earned the nickname, "The Carolina Bird-Bagger."

[fade down, then up to "The History of Presidential Scandal" graphic]

[fade to black]


Submitted by: Gregory Larson


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