Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 28: Episode 6

98f: Joan Allen / Jewel

The Jenson Mint

Businessman.....Chris Parnell
Hobo.....Horatio Sanz

Announcer: You make a lot of money. And the last thing you want to do is give your change away to some street person. It's an awkward situation. That's why the Jenson Mint offers a new line of fake change to give to the homeless. Each coin is carefully crafted to look and feel like a real quarter - at first glance. But, upon closer inspection, the hobo discovers a disappointing message:

[ the coin reads "Not Today Friend" ]

Announcer: Each fake Jenson quarter costs just thirty-five cents - a small price to pay for peace of mind. And, if the bum tries to cash in a Jenson coin, he'll find they're not only worthless, but they're stolen. That means he'll never bother you for change again. And that's the American way. The Jenson way.

SNL Transcripts