Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 28: Episode 12




98l: Gwyneth Paltrow / Barenaked Ladies

Mindy & Skye

Emcee.....Horatio Sanz
Mindy.....Jimmy Fallon
Skye.....Gwyneth Paltrow

Emcee: Alright everyone, just a quick announcement before we get started. Uh, Anarchy Diet has been moved from Tuesday to Wednesday, so all you anarchists, make a mark of that in your books. Ok now, put your hands together for our first guests, Mindy and Skye. Alright.

Mindy: Hey thanks, thank you very much. Alright. Uh, peace. This is a dream come true. Dig it.

Skye: Yeah, dig it.

Mindy: I'm Mindy and this is Skye.

Skye: Heh, dig it again.

Mindy: You know folks? Two days ago, I was the lonliest guy in the world. Then one fated afternoon at Starbucks I was journaling through some rage, and I met this angel. So beautiful. So smart. So.. vegetarian. Before I knew it, I was doing wheat grass shots from her bellybutton. She is the love of my life.

Skye: Thank you baby.

Mindy: You're welcome baby. The first time, the first time she sang this song for me, I nearly fainted, it touched me so much.

Skye: Well it's also because you had just given blood.

Mindy: Yeah, that's true. This is that song. It sings something very close to my heart.

Skye: It's about the almighty whale.

Mindy: Majestic creatures in danger of extinction. I think it's time for us to do something man.

Skye: It's bad for whales to get extincted.

Mindy: Yeah, come on people, let's get conscious here.

Skye: Let's clean up the lakes so whales can be OK. I mean how can you call yourself peoples, when all you do is sit around, man. And get jobs and eat whales and take jobs from whales and some of you do things to help, but other people just dont ever even do nothing! And it makes me SO MAD! Wait, what were we talking about?

Mindy: Whales.

Skye: Oh yeah, whales! WHALE POWER!!

Mindy: Hey baby, how bout we just sing the beautiful song alright?

Skye: [ singing ]
"Hey mister where you goin?
Here's something you should be knowing.
There's a problem that's really growing.
Whale spouts are meant for blowing.
So STOP dropping bombs onto the whales, you dirty dirty bums
Just because they're fat, doesn't mean they're dumb.
Leave the whales alone!"


Mindy: Um.. hey uh baby?

Skye: Yeah baby.

Mindy: Is that the same song you sang to me last night?

Skye: Probably not, 'cause I just made it up. Why? Did you like it baby?

Mindy: I loved it. It was genius. Wow, you have really cool hair. Ok, this next song is about a very important issue. You know we lose 50 million acres of rainforest each year. I mean that's just uh.. god you have sexy cheekbones. But we gotta do something about the rainforest.

Skye: Oh yeah, I hate the rainforest.

Mindy: Without the rainforest the planet is not going to survive, man. So we gotta make things right.

Skye: There's just too many rainforests and they're like taking over the land! The time has come to stand and fight.

Mindy: Um. I'm not sure what you mean there, Skye.

Skye: Yeah, I mean if we all don't ban together, and BURN all the rainforests, there's going to be monkeys running our cities. It's just going to be like "Planet of the Apes". People you've seen the movie! You know it's coming!

Mindy: Hey, baby hey baby you're kind of freaking all of us out.

Skye: Well sing your song Mindy. You've gotta warn them.

Mindy: Yeah, save the trees here.

Mindy: [ singing ]
"They're cutting down majestic trees
Mother nature falls to her knees
Stop bagging up and stop it please.
But greedy wants what greedy sees."


Skye: RAINFORESTS ARE THE DEVIL! WEVE GOT TO KILL THE DEVIL!WE GOTTA PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS! AND HIRE WAY MORE COPS! DAMN TREES! DAMN TREES!

Mindy: Hey wait! Hey Skye! Skye stop it!

Skye: Why?!

Mindy: What the hell do you think you're doing? I mean, are you insane?!

Skye: No, I'm just very opinionated.

Mindy: My god! Singing is my living even though I dont make any money at it. I still take it very seriously.

Skye: Well I do too!

Mindy: Well I'm sorry, I cannot perform with a woman who thinks trees are the devil.

Skye: [ pause ] I dont want to hurt you baby so I'll hit the road. bye mindy. These last 53 hours have been the best ones of my entire life. [ they kiss ]

Mindy: ..Wait, wait hold on. Rainforests are the devil.. That's cool. Yeah I'm totally cool with that yeah. You know maybe we should stick to love songs. Alright? What do you think of that my beautiful soulmate?

Skye: Cosmic. I love you mindy

Mindy: Me too. This one's called "The Ballad of Mindy and Skye".

[ singing ]
"Down by the water on a rainy day
I'll never forget the moment that I saw you swim my way.
You said..

Skye: [ making burbling noises ] "Hey, nice to meet you, how bout a swim?"

Mindy & Skye: [ singing in harmony ] We kinda go together.

Skye: [ singing ] Cause I'm a her.

Mindy: [ singing ] And I'm a him.
[ speaking ] Thank you very much everybody!

Skye: RAINFORESTS ARE THE DEVIL!

[ fade ]


Submitted by: My Jimmy Fallon Obession


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