Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 18




98r: Cuba Gooding Jr. / Ricky Martin

Looking for Monica I

.....Molly Shannon
.....Tim Meadows
Barbara Walters......Cheri Oteri

[ applause ]

Molly Shannon: Oh my god, Ricky Martin is so cute.

Tim Meadows: I know... God, it's crazy.

Molly Shannon: Yeah.

Tim Meadows: Oh, he's so cute.

Barbara Walters: Pardon me. I'm... Barbara Walters. World-renowned celebrity journalist, veteran anchor, and co-host of the hard-hitting news magazine, 20/20. Can you tell me where I might find tonight's host, Miss Monica Lewinsky?

Molly Shannon: Well, she's not the host, actually.

Barbara Walters: You see, I have to return a pack of gum to her. She left it in her dressing room right after our highly-rated, exclusive interview, on ABC.

Tim Meadows: Well, um, I could give it to her if you want.

Barbara Walters: I prefer to see her in person.

Molly Shannon: Well... it's just a pack of gum. I mean, she probably doesn't even care.

Barbara Walters: For the love of Pete, quit grilling me, you hussy. [ gasp ] Aah.

Tim Meadows: Why da-, why do you wanna see her so bad?

Barbara Walters: If you must know, Tim, I have more questions to ask about the phone sex. You see, I'm in a long-distance relationship with Rupert Murdoch, and I'm ready to take it to the next level. So, I need her advice.

Molly Shannon: Hm, you know what? Maybe try the ninth floor dressing rooms.

Barbara Walters: Ninth floor dressing rooms.

Molly Shannon: Mm-hm.

Barbara Walters: Where are they?

Tim Meadows: Ninth floor.

Barbara Walters: Aah. [ walking away ]: Monica... Monica...


Submitted by: Ellis Mitchell


SNL Transcripts




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