Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 24: Episode 18




98r: Cuba Gooding Jr. / Ricky Martin

Cuba Gooding Jr.'s Monologue

.....Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Female Audience Member.....Tina Fey
.....Horatio Sanz
.....Jimmy Fallon

Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen - Cuba Gooding, Jr.

Cuba: It is great to be back in New York. Actually, actually I was born in the South Bronx and I know you people know the South Bronx! Yeah, it's good to see the old neighborhood...from the safety of a helicopter. When they asked me to host the show my first reaction naturally was great, it'll be so nice to go back home, and my second was, how much do I get paid?

Audience member: (Blurts out) Show me the money!

Cuba: They told me -- hey, listen now, wait, watch out, it's my show. They told me, they told me a thousand dollars. Now, I'm a famous movie star, c'mon I won an Oscar for Jerry Maguire. A thousand dollars? A thousand dollars so you know, you know what I had to say to 'em. I said, “Can I have fifteen hundred?” and they said yes so it all worked out. So, I'm here in New York and I'm walking to work and I pass a Brinks armored truck in front of a bank. I've never seen a whole truck filled with stacks of hundred dollar bills, so I went up to the two guards and I said, “Can I check out what's in the truck? May I peruse the currency?”

Crewmember guy's mind: This I weird, why doesn't he just say, “Show me the money?” He's gotta say it. Say it!

Cuba: So, I went on my way. And later I ran into a friend of mine who had just bought some really old civil war coins, you know? And he was describing them to me and telling me how great they were. So I just looked at him and I was like, “Hey! Can I take a gander at those coins?” and he said, “Hey man c'mon, c'mon ask me the way I want you to ask me. What's the magic phrase, what's the phrase from that movie?” so I said, “Okay, fine, I'll say it I'll say it…Gimme the gun, Trey!” you know that’s from Boyz in the Hood.

Female audience member's mind: (Sitting in audience) Just say, “Show me the money”, c'mon. I'm gonna get up there and say it. (Starts to get up then sits back down) No I'm not.

Horatio Sanz's mind: (Off stage) You sick son of a bitch! Just say, “Show me the money”, dah, say it!

Jimmy Fallon’s mind: (Off stage) This is the guy, right? This is the guy who said it right; I'm not crazy, right? Maybe it's not him, maybe I'm crazy. Oh my God, I'm crazy! Oh no wait, wait it is him. Okay, all right calm down. Don’t let anyone see you. Maintain...maintain.

Horatio Sanz's mind: Why doesn't he just say, “Show me the money?” I can't believe this, Jimmy.

Jimmy Fallon’s mind: I know, why doesn't he just say it, Horatio? Wait a minute, how are we talking to each other in our thoughts? Oh my God! I am crazy! Why can't he just say, “Show me the money!”

Cuba: ...and I ended up passing on it. We're gonna have a great time tonight, and oh...by the way, Show me the money! (Proceeds to do some break dance/touchdown dance thing)


Submitted by: Joe Ibañez


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