Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 1


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


October 2nd, 1999

Jerry Seinfeld

David Bowie

None

Dean Winters

Harold Perrineau

J.K. Simmons

Lee Tergesen

A.J. Benza

Rick Ludwin

Perot's Reform Party
Summary: Ross Perot (Cheri Oteri) yuks it up with Pat Buchanan (Chris Parnell) and other contenders vying to be his Reform Party candidate.

Recurring Characters: Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump.

Transcript


Montage


Jerry Seinfeld's Monologue
Summary: Jerry Seinfeld jokes about how he has spent his post-sitcom days doing nothing more than watching reruns of "Wings" on cable.

Transcript


Dillon/Edwards Investments
Summary: Because the investment was slow in gaining an internet presence, they were stuck with the last remaining web domain - clownpenis.fart.

Transcript


Morning Latte
Recurring Characters: Tom Wilkins, Cass van Rye.

Transcript


Mary Katherine Gallagher
Summary: Mary Katherine Gallagher (Molly Shannon) falls for a Jewish boy (Jerry Seinfeld) on the basketball court.

Recurring Characters: Mary Katherine Gallagher, Sean Patrick Flannery, Shelley Peterbuilt.

Transcript


Javis Home Security Systems
Summary: A mother (Ana Gasteyer) catches a stranger (Will Ferrell) diapering baby.

Transcript


Action 8 News Watch
Summary: News anchors Connor Stands (Jerry Seinfeld) and Taffy Davenport (ana Gasteyer) dangle teasers without explanation.

Transcript


Weekend Update with Colin Quinn
Summary: >Weekend update's Millennium profile rates sharks as having been highly influential in the last thousand years. Jerry Seinfeld debates Jerry Seinfeld (Jimmy Fallon) on The Gap.

Recurring Characters: Jerry Seinfeld.

Transcript


David Bowie performs "Thursday's Child"


Oz
Summary: While in prison, Jerry Seinfeld relives most of his classic sitcom conundrums.

Transcript


1-800-EAT-SHIT
Summary: A motorist (Will Ferrell) dials the rude "How's My Driving?" phone numbers and is surprised to reach actual operators on the extension.


...and a Pizza Place
Summary: The leftover portion of a sitcom title tries to survive the new season on its own merit.

Recurring Characters: Andy Dick.

Transcript


David Bowie performs "Rebel Rebel"


Keeping Him Alive
Summary: To get a puke (Jerry Seinfeld) to talk, a thug (Will Ferrell) alternately kills and revives him.

Transcript


Goodnights
Transcript



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