Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 25: Episode 1

99a: Jerry Seinfeld / David Bowie

Dillon/Edwards Investments

Father.....Chris Parnell

[Scene of father helping son ride a bicycle for the first time, then, cut to the living room of their house]

Father: Trust, an important part of building a family, and an important part of building his future. That's why I rely on Dillon/Edwards and Company. For nearly a century, investors on Wall Street have trusted Dillon and Edwards with their financial future. And now all of the resources from America's oldest investment firm are available on-line. [Father is at the computer as the website appears, along with web address]Dillon and Edwards on the Internet, at www.clownpenis.fart. A lot of investment companies rushed onto the Internet, but Dillon and Edwards took their time. Sure, when they were ready, there was one web address left, but it's one you can count on.

Announcer #1: For mutual funds, count on...

Announcer #2: ...clownpenis.fart.

Announcer #1: Online brokerage...

Announcer #2: ...clownpenis.fart.

Announcer #1: Retirement and tuition planning...

Announcer #2: ...clownpenis.fart.

[Caption: Dillon/Edwards Investments-www.clownpenis.fart]

Announcer #1: Dillon and Edwards Investments...

Announcer #2: www.clownpenis.fart.

Submitted by: Jason Dignard

SNL Transcripts