Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 7






99g: Christina Ricci / Beck

And So This Is Chanukah

Lou Bega.....Tracy Morgan
Tori Amos.....Molly Shannon
D'Angelo.....Tim Meadows
Bing Crosby.....Chris Parnell
David Bowie.....Jimmy Fallon
Britney Spears.....Christina Ricci
Mariah Carey.....Cheri Oteri
Celine Dion.....Ana Gasteyer
Ricky Martin.....Chris Kattan

Announcer: Tonight, following the "Howard Stern Radio Show", it's a whole new holiday music special: "And So This Is Chanukah". Come celebrate the Jewish Festival of Lights, with your favorite musical stars singing your favorite holiday songs - including Lou Bega, performing his hit single, "Chanukah #5".

Lou Bega: [ singing ]
"A little bit of Chanukah in my life..
A little bit of dreidel by my side." A little bit of geld is all I need..
A little bit of macabe is what I see."


Announcer: It's the greatest Chanukah special ever! With appearances by Dr. Dre, Andrea Bocelli, Korn, 98 Degrees, Amy Grant, Master P, Waylon Jennings, and Blink-182. Featuring an original holiday ballad sung by Tori Amos!

Tori Amos: [ singing ]
"Excuse me, but can I be a Jew for a while?
you get to celebrate Chanukah, which last eight nights.
You get more presents than you do for Christmas,
but then again, you can't eat pork.
And it's been years.
Kosher all these..
Years go by, and I still feel Jewish.."

[ starts humping her piano and licking her microphone ]

Announcer: You won't want to miss this sexy Chanukah ballad performed by D'Angelo!

D'Angelo: [ singing ]
"Lemme tell you about this girl, maybe I shouldn't..
I met her in Brooklyn, and we ate potato latkes.
My Chanukah baby, I get high off your lovin',
Tell me what's menorah.
I want your Chanukah bush.
I want your Chanukah bush."


Announcer: Thid all-star holiday musical salute includes never-before-seen footage of Bing Crosby and David Bowie performing the classic "Little Dreidel Boy".

Bing Crosby: Mr. B-b-b-bowie? How about you and me sing a little holiday tune for the Hebrews?

David Bowie: Whatever you want, Bing..

Together: [ singing ]

"I have a little dreidel, a-rum-pa-pum-pum.
I made out clay, ba-rum-pum-pum, ba-rum-pum-pum, ba-rum-pum-pum.."

David Bowie: "Why am I singing.. with Bing Crosby?"
David Bowie: "We're not Jewish.."
David Bowie: "This is messed up.."

Announcer: With an inspirational holiday prayer by Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, and Celine Dion.

Britney Spears: Okay, y'all.. Chanukah is special holiday, where we, as Christians, take time out to think about forgiving our Jewish friends for killing our Lord. Oh, and on December 12th, I'll be appearing at Six Flags over Tulsa!

Mariah Carey: Um..Chanukah is a time to celebrate.. um.. what we have as individuals. In my case, I celebrate my great hair, my great ass, and my reat right side of my face. [ shakes it ]

Celine Dion: To all my Jewish friends back in Quebec, I would like to say, "Joyeaux Chanukah!" Not bad, eh? Huh?! Good, huh? You know, I will never forget the time I asked my mother, "What is Chanukah?" And she say, "Celine, it's a holiday celebrated by people who own all the movie studio and the plane." You go, girlfriend! Huh, pretty good, eh?

Announcer: It's classic Jewish holiday music, performed by singers who are allrepresented by Jewish management. Including Kid Rock, Shania Twain, Creed, Terence Trent D'Arby and Dixie Chicks. Along with your favorite Latino Chanukah song, performed by Ricky Martin!

Ricky Martin: [ singing and dancing ]
"Woke up in New York City, next door to a bagel shop.
What is a Chanukah dreidel, keeping work for a spinning top.
You eat potato pancakes for eight days and eight nights.
So come and celebrate this holy festival of lights.
Outside, inside out, let's all dance the horah.
Happy Chanukah, come on light the menorah!


Announcer: "And So This Is Chanukah". Presented by CBS and Target. It don't get more Jewish than that!


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