Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 9





99i: Jamie Foxx / Blink-182

Hamburger Helper Antibacterial

Salesman ... Chris Parnell
Husband ... Will Ferrell
Wife ... Ana Gasteyer

[open on Husband and Wife walking down a grocery aisle]

[Salesman runs up to them]

Salesman: Excuse me! Excuse me. What are you folks having for dinner tonight?

Wife: We've got some hamburger in the fridge.

Husband: Yeah.

Salesman: Oh! Great. How long's it been there?

Wife: 5 days.

Husband: 2 days.

Salesman: [chuckles] Why don't you try this? It's new Hamburger Helper Antibacterial. Hamburger Helper Antibacterial combines a tangy tomato sauce, delicate spices, and Tristanex--a power antibacterial agent.

[graphic: (diphenyltristinate)]

This hamburger has been in the trunk of my car for over a week. Let's add some Tristanex. Massage vigorously into the meat, add the noodles and seasoning, and simmer. [sniffs] That acrid smell means it's working.

[graphic: Avoid prolonged contact with skin]

Even the freshest raw meat has it's problems.

[graphic: e. coli 257.154]

But with Hamburger Helper Antibacterial, germ volume is cut almost in half.

[graphic: Reduced 37.99%]

Wife: [takes a bite] It stings a little at first, but then it's really good.

Husband: Can I have more? ... a lot more?

Announcer: Try Hamburger Helper Antibacterial. And say so long to salmonella with new Chicken Helper with chlorine bleach.


Submitted by: Mikemenn


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