Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 11




99k: Alan Cumming / Jennifer Lopez

Uncle Jemima's Pure Mash Liquor

Uncle Jemima.....Tracy Morgan
Sammy.....Tim Meadows
Aunt Jemima.....Tracy Morgan

[ open on "Song of the South" setting ]

Uncle Jemima: Ah, beautiful day. [bird flies by.] Well isn't that right little fella?

[sits down and looks at camera] Lemme ask you a question-do you like drinkin'? Hell, you like drinkin'. Who the hell don't? Well, if you're like me - you like to get bent just as fast as possible. That's why I'm proud to introduce to you, Uncle Jemima's Pure Mash Liquor.

I'm Uncle Jemima. You probably know my wife, Aunt Jemima, the Pancake Lady.

Now, she says that sellin' booze is degradin' to our people. I always say that black folk ain't exactly swellin' up with pride on account of you flippin' flapjack! Ain't I right, Sammy?

Sammy: Listen, don't get me in this mess.

Uncle Jemima: Then she say, "But why booze?" And I says, "Sell what you know", and I know about booze.

Uncle Jemima's Pure Mash Liquor has a 95% alcohol content, and that's per volume.

Sammy: What the hell does that mean?

Uncle Jemima: [swatting at cartoon birds] That means you get f**ked up for less money!

Hook a brotha up. Buy some of my pure mash liquor and let's show that old b*tch there's more to this world than just makin' pancake.

Aunt Jemima: [ exits house banging pot ] Pancakes is ready!

Uncle Jemima: Aw, you shut up, Woman! You're not gonna ruin this for me! [ swats at cartoon birds flying around him ]

Sammy: [ playing checkers ] Whatchoo swattin' at?

Announcer: Uncle Jemima's Down-Home Mash Liquor. More fun than pancakes.

Uncle Jemima: [ running through yard swatting cartoon birds and kicking cartoon pigs ] I just want to make liquor..!


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