Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25 Episode 12




99l: Julianne Margulies / DMX

priceline.com

William Shatner.....Darrell Hammond

[FADE IN on a band playing in a nightclub. William Shatner, wearing a black leather jacket over a brown shirt and blue jeans, stands onstage.]

Announcer: And now, William Shatner for priceline!

[Shatner picks up the microphone as the band plays the chorus to “We Gotta Get out of This Place” by the Animals. Shatner starts vaguely singing along, but soon makes no attempt whatsoever to follow the band as it keeps playing.]

William Shatner: We gotta get outta this place! [pause] Now you can, too, with priceline.com! YOU... can order groceries online, yeah! YOU: order fish, ham, cider, raisins, shrimp, jelly, YOU spend an hour, just one hour online! You can save... 12 or 13 CENTS, baby! I used to spend hours haggling with the grocery clerk over the price of a can of corn, but he wouldn’t budge! I’d be there for, I dunno, HOURS, you know, saying, I’d say, “Look: a dollar twenty-nine is kinda steep for a can of corn, don’t you think?” He’d say, “I... don’t make the rules! I just work here,” then I would say, “How... about a buck?” Again he would claim to just... WORK here, and I’d say, “Look? Don’t you know me? I’m Bill Shatner, Captain Kirk from ‘Star Trek,’ can you cut me some slack on this can o’corn?” He said he’d never heard of the show, so I ran out of the store... with the can o’ corn. The kid chased me down, he tackled me in the parking lot and beat me pretty savagely with the can of corn. None of this woulda happened if they had priceline.com! Save money with priceline! We gotta get OUTTA this PLACE! Yeah.

[SUPERIMPOSE “priceline.com, name your own price, airline tickets, hotel rooms, new cars, mortgages, groceries.” FADE to black as the crowds in the film and in the studio all applaud.]


Submitted by: Sean


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