99p: Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera
Richie Cunningham.....Will Ferrell
[ FADE IN: ]
[ VARIOUS WORDS & TITLES CROSS THE SCREEN ]
Announcer: From the mind of Milos Forman, the acclaimed director of “The People vs. Larry Flynt” and “Man on the Moon”, comes another gripping true-life story of human redemption.
[ The FONZ gazes into a dirty vanity mirror. ]
Fonzie: You can win! You work in a garage, sure – but you’re more than that.
[ FREEZE FRAME ]
Announcer: The story of one, small-time ‘hood, who went on to become one of the most famous men in the world.
Fonzie: Everybody looks up to you. You come from nothing, now, you own this town. Get out there and show them who you are!
[ The Fonz goes to put his leather jacket. ]
Announcer: Christopher Walken is… Fonzie!
INT. ARNOLD’S DRIVE-IN
[RICHIE CUNNINGHAM gives POTSI an icy glare. ]
Announcer:…with David Caruso as Richie Cunningham
Richie Cunningham: You listen to me – I’m tired of your mouth, BUCKO!
Announcer: …Al Pacino as Potsi…
Potsi: Don’t you get, Rich -- God gave me something SPECIAL! I can SING!
Announcer: A motion picture which lays bare the picture of the human soul.
Fonzie: Both of yousz – sit on it!
[ A FIST SWOOSHS ACROSS AND POUNDS THE JUKEBOX ]
Announcer: Fonzie – a stock portrait of a man unwilling to face his own fallibility.
Fonzie: Look, I admit it - I made a mistake! I was wrrrooooogh!
[ A SWITCHBLADE COMB FLIES OPEN ]
Announcer: Fonzie – the stirring story of a garage mechanic who once jumped a tiger shark on water skis.
[ Fonzie shadows over CHACHI as she ties a rubber tourniquet and holds a syringe in her other hand. ]
Announcer: …with a special uncredited performance by Hilary Swank as Chachi.
[ Jimmy starts chuckling. ]
Chachi: Don’t you get, Fonz? This stuff makes me feel good, ya know? Like nothing ever did before - not you, not Al, not Jenny Piccolo, not the Malachi Bros. – nobody! You want to take that away from me!!
[ Fonzie looks directly into the CAMERA ]
[ SUPER: THE NEW YORK TIMES LOGO ]
[ INSERT AUTHOR’S NAME & QUOTE ]
Announcer: Stephen Holden of The New York Times calls “Fonzie” a ‘cinematic experience so moving you’ll be ‘sitting on it’ for weeks afterward…’
INT. ARNOLD’S DRIVE-IN
[ Fonzie looms over the jukebox. ]
Announcer: “Fonzie” - a dark look into the torment of the coolest man in Milwaukee…
[ Walken asks for a stage direction then starts crying. ]
Fonzie: WHAT AM I!? WHAT HAVE I BECOME!? I call a men’s room “my office”! I own three articles of clothing!
[ Fonzie pulls out his switchblade comb. ]
Fonzie: I use a switchblade comb for a knife… for Christ’s Sake! And I’m not kidding!
Announcer: The pain of being a hero…
[ CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON FONZIE ]
Fonzie: I spent my whole life masking other people happy, but what about me!?!?!? Where are my “Happy Days”!? WHERE ARE MY “HAPPY DAYS”!?
[ UNFOCUSED IMAGE ]
[ BLACK SCREEN ]
[ SUPER: “Fonzie” – The heartache of one human soul… ]
Announcer: “Fonzie” – The heartache of one human soul… Aaaaeeeyyy!
[ end ]
Submitted by: Cody Downs