Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 25: Episode 19





99s: Britney Spears

Weekend Update with Colin Quinn

.....Colin Quinn
.....Chris Parnell

Colin Quinn: Well, Spring is in the air. The time when a young man's thoughts turn to romance and young love. Here with some of his thoughts on the subject, is our own Chris Parnell.

Chris Parnell: Thanks, Colin. You know, I've never done one of these "Update" things before, so I'm a little nervous. When I first heard that Britney Spears was gonna be hosting the show, I got pretty excited [ laughs ]. I don't think anybody would blame me for that. I mean, she's so talented and beautiful and sweet.. I just started wondering what it would be like to go out with her. You know, maybe we were both out in L.A. this summer, and I'd call her up and ask her out on a date, and she says, "Sure, come on over." So, I drive over and pick her up, and she comes out looking just radiant.. well, it's kind of corny, but I wrote this song about what our date might be like. [ stands ] So, Britney, this is for you:

Listen up, bee-otch!
You know she sex me, when she looks my way
I can't defend me, all I can do is pray
For her to spare me, from that sweet death ray
But the bitch really wants to take a roll in the hay
So I say, "Britney, baby let's just slow it on down,
You know that you and me could take a spin around town
Just hop into my rover, roll the window down"

Yo it's a west side night, and I'm feelin alright
Got Britney down my pants and my gin and sprite
Yo it's a west side night, and I'm feelin alright
Got Britney down my pants and my gin and sprite

And so we're mackin, at every mother f-in light,
And I say "Chill bitch, I got some business tonight"
And then I see them, in the opposite lane,
That carload of chumps'll know the meaning of pain

Yo it's a west side night and I'm feelin alright,
Got Britney in my pants and my gin and sprite

So bang bang bang goes my Gat into the car,
That's hit number six this week so far,
I know the names, the dirty games,
But tonight their evil will go up in flames

Yo it's a west side hit, I got my Mack 10 lit,
Britney get down, you don't wanna see this sh...
Yo it's a west side hit, I got my Mack 10 lit,
Britney get down, you don't wanna see this sh...

Some be dyin, some be fryin,
and too much circumstance then you'll be crying,
so don't be cryin', and I'm just dyin'
And as this bitch blows up they will be flyin',

Yo it's a west side hit, I got my Mack 10 lit,
Britney get down, you don't wanna see this sh...

Britney Spears is just laughing as we drive away,
And I know tonight I'm gonna get some play
But if she tries to make me stay, she can go to hell,
I got another f-ing date tonight with Sarah Michelle!


Thank you. Thank you very much.

Colin Quinn: Chris Parnell, everyone.


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