Visitor Comments Hi, I have a huge Will Ferrell site and I'm looking for SNL transcripts and I found your SNL Transcript page. May I please type some of your transcripts on my site..just the ones with Will Ferrell? Thanks..it would help me out a lot. Will Ferrell...A Comedy Genius http://come.to/WillFerrell or http://www.gurlpages.com/celebs/ferrellgirl/index.html Thanks again! Jessica Ferrell Hey! I saw ur site on jt.org! That looks awesome!!!!!! Well anyhow, I'd like to get my site linked if thatz possible. I'd be more than happy to link ur site in exchange (haha, I will even if u don't link mine). Anyhow, the url to my site is: http://rdhideout.web.com if ur interested. Thanx! ~Jenni Webmaster of the Rachel Dratch Hide Do you have the Britney Spears show from this season? I read that she got back at her critics who claimed she lip-syncs *and* the people who insist she has implants when she did her monologue. Do you have her monologue available for transcription? If so I would love to read it. PS - thanks for the great job you've done on your site. You've captured the "essence" of SNL (who else has The Coneheads on Family Feud?!?!?!?!) I don't remember a lot of the old stuff anymore. I usually just browse thru, sometimes there's something that I remember the instant I see the description (who could forget the racist word-association interview???), but it's been ages since I've seen those shows. I hope the reruns go back to the 70s, too. Dan Aykroyd's commercials, anything with Bill Murray, Belushi's Samurai... all that stuff needs to come back! Patrick: Last November, my employer started a process that eventually led to a major change to the company. Let's just say I can't talk about it publicly (even though I don't know anything to talk about). Anyway, there was a sketch on the 11/13/99 show (Guest Host: Garth Brooks) which I had missed, but heard about. This past Friday evening, Comedy Central repeated this episode. Two totally different people I work for saw it for the first time and immediately recognized it. That has sent me to you in hopes of finding a transcript. I was wondering if you might be able to provide a transcript of the Warner Lambert / American Home Products Merger skit. I know a plethora of colleagues, er, people who would love to hear about it. Obviously, the sooner the better, as I will be loosing contact with some of these people as the times are changing. Thank you for your help with this. Jim i think your site is awesome, but i'd really love to see some chearleading scripts and some morning latte scripts.. they're my favourites!! thanks elyse your 1995-2000 is up on netscape now, its great!! now I"m just waiting for a rerun of the one w/ John Goodman so I can get the Sexual Innuendo skit! if you have time, I would love to have the transcript from when Norm MacDonald hosted, that Celebrity Jeopardy - Burt, Sean and the guy from 3rd Rock from the sun. "it's the sound a dog makes" Sean: "moo." "that is not correct." "well that's the sound your mother made, last night." Burt: "uh, Scooby Doo. funny dog. had a friend. Scrappy Doo." Helen Dear Patrick, I'm looking for a Saturday Night Live sketch I heard about on a mailing list: There was that classic Saturday Night Live episode where on a routine mission, the Enterprise is beseiged by the television executives shutting down the show. The ship's equipment and weapons suddenly no longer function, becoming mere props that are taken away by the station. Eventually, only Kirk is left alone on the rapidly disappearing Enterprise command deck, still in the delusion that he is captain of a genuine starship. Do you know of this one? Do you have a script? I've had a look through your site but can't find it. I hear there is also a sketch from the 1980s with William Shatner playing himself being questioned by an enthusiastic fan about minute technical details of the show (like the scene in Galaxy Quest), ending in Shatner telling the fan to "Get a life!". Do you have any details for that one? Thanks, Barry Haworth. the aussie phone sex line sketch please. thanks a lot. Saturday Night Live (ep# 0931) Thursday, Jul 13 6:00PM Elle MacPherson/Sting featuring: "The Recording Studio", "Fresh Face Contest", "Spartan Cheerleaders" "Aussie phone sex line" Vernon Amos Pat, Just out of curiosity, which SNLs do you have on tape? Ben Hello, i am looking for any of the "ladies man" scripts that you might have. i really enjoy them. Thank you for your time! bob Hi, I've been searching for "The Census" forever. What a cool site you've got here! Originally, I wanted to locate the actual tape of the skit, which originally aired 4/8/00. I need it for a presentation I have to do in a statitics/survey methods class at San Francisco State University. This skit will do a lot to liven up my presentation! Though I will just act out the skit from the transcript, is there any way for me to get my hands on the actually tape of the skit/show? I'd be willing to pay something for it. Otherwise, the transcript is great. Thanks again. Nice site! Steven D. Hall Dear Pat....if that is your real name.... Hey, my name is Nikki and I absolutley love you SNL site! It has to be the best one I've seen yet! I was wondering if you had any Delisious Dish Transcripts...I didn't really care which one, but if you had one that would be great! Thanks I was wondering if you had the transcript of the sketch with Host Julianna ? (from ER). The sketch involved a son bringing his girlfriend over for dinner, and her not knowing that her boyfriend gets his food chewed for him. I don't know all the cast members names in it. It had Will Ferrell, Ana Gasteyer, and a few other cast members. I just saw it last Saturday. Anyways, I could really use by Monday. I work for a Youth Organization here in Yuma, AZ and we like to do SNL sketches. Thank you so much! Jesse Marquette Hi! i am absolutely obsessed with Molly Shannon and Cheri Oteri. and on thursday july 13 at 6:00pm i saw one of the best episodes of snl. i don't know what year it was from or anything but a model by the name of elle mcpherson (i think) was hosting it. and i am a swimmer and i loved the skit of the Spartan cheerleaders when they were at the swim meet and i was wondering if u could send me a tape of that show or of just that skit or even the transcript. i want to memorize the cheers so i can do them at my next swim meet. Thanks! Brooke Sharp SUPERSTAR! Dear Patrick, Great page! Should've thought to look for something like this. Anyway, now that I've found it, thank you for the page. By the by, do you happen to have a transcript of the Christopher Walken meet Pat script? The one where he's disturbed by her, and ended up jumping out of the window? I looked for "Christopher Walken" on your site, and it came back with some skits he had, but not the Pat skit. And maybe I can stretch my luck and ask if you have a transcript of Walken's monologue? Thanks for the page. Great page, by the way, or have I said that already? :-) Thank you for your kind attention, and I remain, Virtually yours, deetya I would like to request the Hanson skit from 12/13/97 where they were forced to listen to mmbop. I really enjoy the website! Megan Hello. Sorry to trouble you for something so small, but the roadie for Aerosmith (Tom Hanks) says, "sibilants" or possibly "sibilance" when testing the microphones, not "civilence" in the Wayne's World sketch of 2/17/90. [ A sibilant is a "hissing" or "s"-type sound like /z/,/j/,/ch/,/sh/,etc. ] [ It makes sense when testing microphones to see whether the s-sounds are too strong compared to the surrounding sounds. One person says a lot of sibilant words while another listens in the audience and makes changes at the soundboard. ] P.S. Many of the teachers here enjoy reading the transcripts and like your site very much. Thank you. MTWelles Hi Patrick, Great site by the way! I'm looking for a sketch(s) that was a recurring role for Nora Dunn. The character was Pat Stevens, a talk show hostess with a bit of an attitude. It was such a great character and there is hardly anything on it. I looked at your master list and I found three listings that you have on tape for The Pat Stevens Show. You said "will gladly transcribe any sketch that appears in the list to the right, so feel free to e-mail me all your requests." Could I request a transcript of the following Pat Stevens shows: 86F, 87I, 89N. Thanks very much, regards, Tim Lazaroff I really love the roxbury guys.. but the only sketch to find on internet, is the one with jim carrey, I would like to see more roxbury sketches.. u have any idea where I can find some?? or I can order some on video or something? please help! best regards, Skjalg Hi Patrick I've been searching for a transcript to use in a celebration of my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. It's with John Goodman and Mike Myers (as Linda Richman) as travel agents on the deck of a cruise ship. It is almost word for word exactly the way my mother (a travel agent) sounds after a trip. Can you help? Thanks. Howard Salberg can u find a celebrity jeprady??? the one with shawn connery, minny driver, and i forget the third??? i need this asap but if u cant thats cool thanks man! Dan Cunningham Good site! I was wondering about a particular transcript. In the 79-80 file, you have a Steve Martin monologue from the next to last episode with the "original" cast Do you have that episode on tape? I'm a fan of the musical guest (3-D) and I was watching when it was on, but my VCR denied my attempt to record. Let me know if you'd want to trade, or if this is a question better put on the feedback page. Brian Dear Patrick, I have a request for two transcripts from SNL. The first one is for any of the Clara Turney's Bible Challenge episodes or any of the Celebrity Jeopardy episodes (preferably the one with Sean Connery with the cleanest content). If you could help me out by either giving me a link or something that would be great. Thanks very much! Sincerely Scott Do you have the Dana Carvey "Choppin' Broccoli" song on tape? If so, how much does it cost? Is it possible to get it sent as a computer file via e-mail? Thanks. Evan Toporek Patrick, I am looking for a quote from one of the skits that Heather Locklear did on SNL. I believe it was a Wayne's World sketch. The quote goes something like this: "look, you b*stard, I'm a very important executive at a major accounting firm, you b*stard..." something along those lines. Do you have this full quote on tape? Can you e-mail me just the full quote or do you know where I can go to find it? So far it looks like it's from an episode done on 5/14/94. Following is what I've found in your master list. However, I am thinking it was done as, like I mentioned earlier, one of the Wayne's World sketches. Thanks! I appreciate your help. I like your site, btw. Cindy Haskett could you possibly get the sketchs from the 25th anniversery of SNL? Possibly the one where the guy and girl sing the renaissance songs? Thanks. Jiah Peck hey, great site! i just wondering though, do you have the 'canteen boy' sketch with adam sandler and alec baldwin? thanks so much! lots o' love ~ meg Hi, i was wondering if you could send me anything with Sarah Michelle Gellar in it, the ones she was in. Thanks! -april- 0:) We'd like the script from the first Mary Catherine Gallagher when she does a monologue from a "made for television movie"... Thanks- Sylvia Cagle Hey Patrick, Compliments on a great SNL website -- hoping you can help me out. I'm trying to identify a sketch from an early SNL(1975-76?). The sketch features Garrett Morris in a prison uniform and shackles singing a song for two guards... he's singing something to the effect of "Gonna get me a shotgun & shoot all the whitey's I see..." This is all I can tell you.. a snippet of the sketch was featured in the SNL 15th anniversary special. If you know of this sketch and could transcribe it that would be great... or if you have it on tape and can dub tapes I would gladly send you a tape... any help would be appreciated, thanks for your time and keep up the great work on you site! Dave Phinney Hi, I am a detective at the Perry Police Department in Perry OK. I have seen a tape of Jim Carrey at several methamphetamine school that I have been to. In this tape Jim is an infomercial host to a live audience. He is promoting a weight loss drug that is meth. His program is called "Ride the Snake". If you know where I could get a good copy of this clip, please let me know. I have taught several classes on the use and abuse of meth and a common question I am asked is how to know if someone is on meth. This skit kinda sums up what I am looking for and adds a little humor to boot. I appreciate any help that you can give me. Thanks in advance, Quent Tubbs what's up my man? could you help me out and put up the buh-bye sketch with david spade and helen hunt when they were flight attendents. i'm sure you know which one i'm talking about thanks. peace out. Jonathan hi. do you have the transcript of wu with jane curtin when she complains at the beginning about how she gets so many letters about how chevy's the better wu anchor? and...some new wu's with point/counterpoint, specifically the one where they argue about point/counterpoint having any point. that would be great..thank you steffie In the spirit of Rudy on Survivor, I'd love a transcript of the "Who's more Grizzled" sketch starring Robert Duvall, Will Ferrell and Norm McDonald on the Feb 28th, 1998 show. I think Garth Brooks hosted the show and there was a Mango routine. Another game show parody classic was the Seinfeld "Stand-up comedian jeopardy" which I think does air on the reruns, and also a very old sketch I remember from way back was Steve Martin hosting a high-school quiz show where the answers were based on the supposed knowledge of an american high-school student. It was really clever. Do you have those on the site? Thanks, Brian I'm looking for a sketch, I believe it was called "Scottish Soccer Hooligan's Weekly". It had Mike Myers, and I don't know who the other cast member was, but the guest was David Hyde Pierce from Frasier. Mike and the other cast member were soccer hooligans and Pierce was a guest on their show, and was supposed to be a "Tennis Hooligan". I can't find it anywhere, hope you can help. Thanks, Rob Dimel Ok. I have another request. I know that you don't have this one on tape, but do you think you can transcribe that one Celebrity Jeopardy episode with Sean Connery, French Stewart, and Burt Reynolds? Brian Sisounthone Could you please get the Celebrity Jeopardy that has Sean Connery saying "I'll take the The Rapists, Trebek." Funny! Also, could you get more Larry King's News and Views and more Weekend Updates with Norm McDonald, and Forbes on Forbes with Steve Forbes and Mark McKinney from 1996. Ben Fairfax I am looking for the celebrity jeopardy with Burt Reynolds, Sean connery, and keanu reeves. If you have this, would you send it to me, if not, do you know where I could get it from. Thanks Daniel E. Arndt hello, i did not have time to completely review your list of transcripts, and there is a particular one i'm looking for. it's the Celebrity Jeopardy with Sean Connery, Jeff Goldblum, and Minnie Driver. i don't know the date at all. if you don't have it, perhaps you could suggest somewhere that might. please send any replies to me. thank you. Heidi Just wondering if you have the men's synchronized swimming skit on tape? Vance Collins Requesting the following transcripts: Weekend Update with Charles Rocket and Gail Matthius from episode 80h Reagan and Sinatra, Don't Look in the Refirigerator and Lesbian Lovers from episode 80j Also wondering how you got your hands on the two tapes from the '80-'81 season and if there was a way I could obtain them. Jorge Rolon I would love to see a transcript of a sketch from the Sally Field-hosted show from Dec. 1993. She played a housewife and Phil Hartman portrayed Jesus. Sincerely, Patricia Allbee P.S. Great idea for a site! hey, what's up. could you transcribe the joint democratic debate of '91? at least, i think it was '91. i remember it had al gore and paul simon in it. maybe the '87 one is the one of which i'm thinking. also, do you have the penis cream commercial transcripted? your site kicks butt, by the way. i'm finding it hard to get work done! thanks a bunch. kohl Could you be a lamb...... I need 91n ASAP, Dick Clark's secretary!!!! Kate Souza I noticed you had 95k Bill Brasky. I would argue the Brasky skits are some of the funniest ever on SNL.  Do you have a transcript or could you direct me to one. Thanks in advance. Devin awesome site. please transcibe the Bill brasky ( 95k on your list) brasky hilarous. find all u can. thanks. Andy Bruce Comments, Page 2 · 3 · 4 SNL Transcripts