Visitor Comments Hello First of all I would like to say how much I enjoy your website. I have looked for a website with legit SNL transcripts forever. I would like to ask if you would add some of the following that I didn't find on your website: Sally O' Mally - Molly Shannon's character from the 1999-2000 season when Gabriel Byrne hosted. Dog Show- Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon's tribute show to thier beloved dogs, Mr. Bojangles and Rocky Balboa. Marty and Bobby Mohan Culp-the singing couple with the key board. Keep up the good work! Thanks!! *~Danee~* Can I somehow get my hands on the transcripts of the opening skit from Nov 5th SNL special with the REAL Bush and Gore in it? I'd be the happiest person alive if I could! Thanks! g GE Aircraft Engines Kerry Smyth M&I Engine Assembly Dear Patrick, I am a long time fan of SNL and I truely love your site! I don't have NBC, so I watch the show(parts), reading your transcripts! This weekend I am getting cable, so I can start watching the show! I'll still visit the site so I can memorize the skits! Well, anywho. I was wondering if you could put up some ANal-Retentive Chef skits. Also, a few more Ladies Man! That is a very funny skit and I would like to see more of those. Also, I love Darrell Hammond's Clinton! Some more "Messages from The President of The US!". Plus, it's getting around Christmas time, so I thought to decorate the site, maybe a few christmas sketches! I know I put a lot on here, these are just a few request and I don't need them put up at the smae time just gradually put them on there. Well, thank you for your time and cooperation. Long live Lorne! SNL Rocks!!! Sincerely, Matthew PS- I have the "Best of SNL" and I saw a Point/Counterpoint with Jane Curtain and Dan Aykroyd talking about Lee Marvin's Divorce Settlement. Could you also put that up?? Thanks again. i am student trying to write a paper on the progress of black comedians. i am looking specifical at richard pryor, eddie murphy, and chris rock. i am searching for copies of scripts that they used in tand up so that i can relate them to eachother. i hope that snl can help. ut fi you know of any sites that can produce something i am looking for please email me, i need your help....asap. thanks ben murphy I work for Silicon Graphics and I believe that Nick Burns mentioned how great one of our products were. It was late, so I was not listening whole hearted. Thus the need for the transcript to verify what I think I heard, before I brag. Thanks again, Dave I was wondering if you have any information regarding this past Saturday's episode, November 11. I am interested in the Al Gore scene where he is addressing the nation about the ballot irregularities. If you have any information about the script or a possible wav file of the scene, or know where I can obtain a copy, please let me know. Thanks for you help. Mike I was wondering if you would mind making a transcript of the Clinton Gingrich "Opposites Attract" sketch from the 1998-1999 season. It is listed on your list of taped sketches as the following..... 98f Clinton & Gingrich: "Opposites Attract" Thank You Lil Wayne hello, i was just wondering if you have the transcript for the sketch of the "janet reno dance party"? you know the one where she has all of the kids over to her party? if not, do you know where i could find that tape or a video clip of that? thanks a lot! Morgan Gable Hello! I was wondering if you had a transcript for When Al and Joe Franken were on Weekend Update in 1999. I think it was 12/14/99 w/ Danny DeVito as the host. A picture of Joe would be appreciated too! Thanks a bunch Love~ Juli Dear Patrick, I would like to get a transcript of a particular episode or a portion of it with Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton. I have been through all of the "spotlighted" scenes an the SNL websites and it is not there. It aired sometime in the first quarter of 2000. That I am sure of. I do not remember the host or anything else in the episode because my daughter and I laughed about one scene in the beginning with Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton doing commentary on News Update. He began with something like, "You're gonna miss me aren't you? Hell, you miss me already (bites lip)." My daughter and I laughed so hard at that skit that we can't remember anything else and we desperately want the video of that skit. Is it possible? To us it was the next best thing to Gilda Radner as a Brownie or Steve Martin as King Tut and we can't imagine having to live without seeing that skit again or just if we happen to catch it in rerun. As years go by it will lose some of its bang while now it still has perfect timing. Can you help!!!!!! Please e-mail me to let me know my options. Thank You, Pamela Any idea how I might get a script looked at for SNL? I have something for the time-sensative election nightmare going on right now, and it would be a monster hit. Not just my opinion, but all of my SNL friends who think my idea would make the "Presidential Couple" look like a soap opera. Any help would be appreciated, Steve Goldstein Patrick, Could I please receive part of a SNL transcript. The date is 12/17/94, the host was George Foreman, and the musical guest was Hole. I just need part of the Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald. I need the part of Weekend Update where two guys from a cult and their leader review a restaurant. The two guys are David Spade and Adam Sandler, and their leader is Chris Farley. Thanks for your time, I do appreciate it. Amazing Max Hi Patrick. I was wondering if you had the transcript from the show on 4/8/00, hosted by Christopher Walken. It was a sketch between Walken and Tim Meadows where Meadows was taking the census. Thanks a lot. Sincerely, Jill Cumming i was wondering if you could put the transcript of the sketch that had all the baseball players in it and will ferrell as ted brogen. towards the end of the sketch will says "hi i'm ted brogen, played a little minor league ball in the 80's, i got papers if you got weed"...thanks..... Rick Vestal Hello, I am a high school teacher who is about to teach my first unit of Shakespeare. I have spent three hours looking for some reference to Theodorik of York---please, please, please, tell me you can send me a copy. It would be so greatly appreciated. Is this the skit with the bleeding? Either way, I need a copy. thank you, Ms. S. My theater group is currently putting on the production, It's A Wonderful Life. I would like a copy of episode 89G, It's A Wonderful Savings and Loan. I would like a copy of the video to show at our closing night party. Could you please let me know how I might obtain a copy? December 16th is our closing date. Thank you, J. Maddox Hi Patrick! Hopefully you can help me with a transcript from tonights (last nights) show... Dec 9. I missed tonights episode - and the skit with Val Kilmer doing Top Gun - the Later Years as an airline pilot. I am putting together a birthday slide show (this is your life kind of thing) for a friend of mine who is an airline pilot. The dialog was hysterical - and I want to get my hands on it. If you could email me the transcript, I would be MOST appreciative! Thanks so much! Susan Hello: I'd like to request a transcript of the SNL skit on the Clarence Thomas hearings from 1991(c). This episode actually aired this morning on Comedy Central, but my husband goofed up the VCR settings and we didn't get it on tape. This skit aired on a "Best Of" special several years ago and for whatever reason we thought it was hilarious, especially the impressions of the various senators involved. Thanks for the service you provide! bcghanbari Hi my name is Johanna. I am currently on the debate team for my school. I really want to do a humorous monologue for one of my events. They are allowing snl scripts to be used as long as you have the actual script from a website or something. You seem to be the only one that I can find who has such scripts. So I was wondering if you could send me any monologues performed by girls. I don't care how many there are, I would like them to view over so I can choose one. Also I would like to do a scene between myself and 1 other person. If you have any scripts for 2 people it would be greatly apreciated. Thankyou for your time. Dear Sir, I have been looking through all of your transcripts for the years 1981-1984 and what I am trying to locate is the episode when Eddie Murphy plays Clarence the supposed "fifth beatle." There was one occasion in the skit where Clarence (Eddie) plays Beatles songs that he plays the sax in and at times you can hear him utter words like "man" and "My darling I want you to Love Me Do." The best part is when they play the song where they play it backwards and they say "hey let's get Clarence and kick him out of the band!" The reason I would like to find this is there is a running joke in our office that a guy named Clarence is going to work in our office and can't put him anywhere. So I made reference to the old SNL episode of the fifth beatle. Can you track it down? It would be greatly appreciated... Thank you, Charles Hi Patrick, I really like your site. Thanks for putting it together. I am looking for the sketch Where Ya Headin' - a game show with Adam Sandler, Glen Close and Phil Hartman as contestants. Kevin Nealon was the gameshow host. The contestants had to guess the fastest way from New England town to New England town in a Boston accent of course. It was perfect. My town was on the map behind them! if you could find a transcript of this, I would be very appreciative. Thanks. Best regards, Toby Hello, a friend thought you might be able to help me get one of my important tapes replaced. I am the Director of Education for USA Volleyball and I used John Belushi's "The unsung hero of chess, the high school chess coach" clip for our clinics. It was stolen and we cannot find a copy of the show section to bring it back to the clinics. I practically know the transcript by heart, what I need is the visual for the coaches to see. Any chance you or one of the others might have a copy we could dub? It would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks and Happy New Year John Kessel I would just like to begin by saying that your site was excellent. I just need a little help. I was recently watching some SNL reruns on Comedy Central and I saw a show that was hosted by James Vanderbeek. I believe this show is from the 1999 season, but I can't be sure. The skit I'm looking for is one about a spelling bee. It talks about the phrase "Hey! Look over there!" I wish I could give you more information about it, but I can't really remember it. If you could provide any help in locating this transcript, I would be most thankful. Thanks alot -Andrew hi my name is amanda and i'm a huge fan of snl. i am trying to find a script for the sketch with gwyneth paltrow and jimmy fallon where they are the high lounge singer hippies. me and my friend are going to do the sketch for our talent show. i have already done spartans at the pep rallys and superstar at the talent show last year. i wish to pursue a career in acting and my goal is to be on snl. i am getting the practice by preforming in front of the whole entire school. and i am known by most people as "hey it's Arriana!" i love what i do and i wouldn't give it up for the world. i just hope you can help me find this script. (and by the way barenaked ladies are my fav. band and they played on that episode) thank you so so much! -Amanda (future cast member) hey i really like the new format of your site! ~jane~ Patrick, I hear you are the net authority on SNL, and I was wondering if you could answer a question for me. Who was the cast member on the 88a episode sketch "First Citiwide Change Bank"? It is such a hilarious mock of the contemperanous bank and finance commercials, but everyone I ask can't ever remember who was in it. If you could help out I sure would appreciate it. I love your site! Thanks, Chris Hi there, Cool Site!! I was wanting to know if you knew who did the Skit for The HOW TO BE HANDSOME skit that SNL did in late 70's or Early 80's. Can you help?? I would like the transcript. Thank You Very Much Dan Byanski Indiana Hey, nice site. Just happened upon it because I want to find the transcript for a skit I saw the other night. It was a 'Who's on First' spoof with Will Ferrell ( I don't know the woman's name) with "Who does oral, what uses her hand, and I don't know who takes it in the keister". It was hilarious! Any chance you have it or can get it? Thanks, Matt hello... um my friend jonathan, has written you before to ask for some transcripts. and he said your the man cause you always get them for him. for that thanks. but one more request... the sketch "THUGS" it's with martin luarence and someone else maybe tim meadows, it's the one that they make sound like "cops" but they do it as thugs. i hope i'm explaing myself. if not please write me back. um if you could get that for me that would be awsome. thanks so much. eL gORDO Hi, I was on SNL when I was a 1 year old (sometime in 1981 or 1982), and my mom's described part of the skit to me, but I've never seen it. According to my mom, it had something to do with a lot of babies in clown makeup or something along those lines (and I was one of the unfortunate babies). Anyway, I was hoping you could tell me what episode the skit was in, and maybe even give me a transcript. Thanks, Halley Hi. We are looking for a transcript re: Linda Tripp and Monica Lewinsky . . . we are roasting our incoming president and would like to have a short skit . . . Thanks for your help. Great web site! Amador County Chamber of Commerce and Visitors Bureau www.amadorcountychamber.com My partner and I are doing a project on Hans and Frans, and are having trouble coming yup with catch phrases that the body-building twins use. If you could help us by giving us a transcript of their skit(s) then it would be greatly appreciated. I thank you for your time, and hope to hear back from you soon. Corey Davis Hi, I really need the transcript of the Mary Catherine Gallagher skit that appeared in December of 1996. It starred Molly Shannon, Rosie O'Donnell, Whitney Houston and Penny Marshall. I would appreciate it if you could get that to me or tell me where I can find it. Thank you :) Colette Patrick: Love your web-site!!! Just found it for the first time while doing searches on Sam Waterson and found the Old Glory transcript. Anyway! I am looking for the transcript of a WEU w/ Dennis Miller from the Spring of 1989 that featured a wonderful commentary by A. Whitney Brown. That's all I can remember. I try to catch it on Comedy Central, but to no avail. Can you help? Raymond Cady Here's a question for you -- I've got a bet going with a guy at work over this... Dan Akroyd said the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut." HOWEVER -- did Chevy Chase EVER say this at ANY time? I say that he did, my buddy says he didn't. Got the answer? ;^ ) Michael Hi, I'm looking for some funny skits and lines that could be used for a "Julia Child" skit. Do you have anything? I know there was at least one skit of "Julia" on SNL, but that was several years ago when I saw it. Also, do you have any skits or lines from Martha Stewart? I did see the Topless Christmas with Martha. I have enjoyed your website very much. You have lots of funny stuff there. Thanks a lot, Linda hi Patrick, I work for HBO Sports and am searching for an airdate OR episode # for a SNL that ran in the 80's. Billy Crystal was the guest and Eric Gregg the MLB umpire was in a sketch. That is the particular one I am looking for. If you know which one it is I'd be extremely grateful. We are trying to add it to one of our pieces. thanks, Karla LeCroix Dear Patrick, Hi. I wonder if you can help me. Last Fall sometime, I was put into hysterics by a skit on SNL. It reminded me of a series of jokes that I used to tell as a kid- but much funnier. The skit was of a bunch of "literary" types, sitting around discussing important "works". Things like those old "Brown Spots on the Great Wall" by "Who Flung Doo" or "Tiger's Revenge" by "Claude Balls", etc. Those are sillier examples of the genre. The show's were 10 times better. Easy way to get a transcript? Thanks for your help. Regards Roark Dunn In the episode of SNL that Teri Hatcher hosted, (95r on your list) there was a sketch with her and Tim Meadows. She played a woman who was trying to get his attention by dancing seductively. I'm sure you remember it. Here is my question: What song is she dancing to? It has the line in it, "Baby take off all of your clothes", or something like that. I have been searching and searching. If you could help me, I would really appreciate it. I want to get that song downloaded before napster starts charging. I hope you can help me. Jeff Ponatoski p.s.-great site. Hi! I just found your page, http://snltranscripts.jt.org. Really cool. One of my favorite sketches was a game show with Adam Sandler and Phil Hartman about driving in new england. The expressions, accents and delivery were perfect. I've been wanting to get my hands on a copy of that, or at least the transcript. I'd love to see the transcript, but I'd also love to know when that sketch was, if you have any idea. Thanks for any help you can give, Rhian Hi! I'm a student performing Coffee Talk in a regional forensics (i.e. speaking) competition this Saturday and I need your help! If you have any information on if and by whom this piece is published, I would appreciate it greatly if you would pass this on to me! By the way, I love your website! My drama teacher has it bookmarked on her computer at school and I can't even begin to count the number of friends I've either shown this site to or told about. I love what you've done with these SNL pieces! Again, thank you so much Allison hey i am an actor and i am looking for the Japanese game show with Chris Farley, he is the only American on the show, i did the motivational speaker skit at school and everyone calls me the next Chris Farley/ i love your site it is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stayton Worthington I don't think it was on your list, but I'm looking for a transcript (or copy, which would be veen better) of the April 24, 1976 (host: Raquel Welch) "Claudine Longet Invitational Ski Tournament" skit. If there's anything you can do to help me out, or if you have any suggestions as to where I might find a transcript/copy, pelase let me know. Thanks, Simon McNabb I'd like to put in a request for the Blue Oyster Cult skit in episode 99p. It is a running joke with me and my friends, and it would be great if I could get my hands on it. Thanks so much! Geof Sisk Comments, Page 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · SNL Transcripts