Visitor Comments Patrick, You must not be from Boston. The transcript of the most recent "Boston Teens" script (3/20/01) has Jimmy Fallon saying he's in front of "Hummel and Farms". Actually, the line should have Jimmy's character in front of noted Boston-area convenience store chain "Cumberland Farms." Just trying to help. The site is amazing, and has wasted quite a bit of my day so far! Keep up the good work. Patrick Downey Hey Patrick, Your site is great. It has really led me to some non-productive (in terms of REAL work) afternoons...but hey, everybody needs a distraction. Maybe I missed it, but there is one script I'd love to see. It was from sometime between 1990-1993 (or so) and it was a game show about New Englanders giving each other directions. Kevin Nealon was the host, the contestants were Adam Sandler, Glenn Close, and Phil Hartman, with the legendary Tim Meadows coming on at the end for one of jis most memorable parts, as a bushman who only speaks in mouth clicks until he declares his prize-a Maine lobster- as a "pissah". Being a lifetime New Englander, I don't know what people from around the country feel about this skit, but everybody i know from around here either IS one of those people or KNOWS on of those people. If you have it, I'm sure I'm not the only person who would appreciate seeing it. Thanks. Sincerely, Jeremy Cutler Your site is terrific. I wonder if you can help us find a transcript of a sketch that's been described to me this way: Tim Meadows spoof of MSNBC anchor who is eventually blotted out of sight by all the data cluttering up TV screen. Any chance you have that? Thanks for the help. Deborah Potter, Executive Director, NewsLab Hey Patrick, First off, your snl transcripts site is awesome. I have been inspired countless times when reading scripts from specific sketches. I write plays for a grade 6 to 8 school, and have adapted many hilarious sketches for the students. Thank you very much. Secondly, I have been interested in a few scripts for quite some time. I was wondering if you had them on tape, or perhaps if you had just the transcripts. The sketches I am interested in are: a lemon squares bake off with host Teri Hatcher from 95 season; a funeral for a faller superhero with host Sinbad (unsure of season); Frankenstein's language lessons with host Sting (unsure of season). So there it is. Once again, I am very appreciative of the work you have done on your site. Please let me know if you can help me out. Thanks. Dylan McLaughlin on a recent trip to rome i shared the father guido sarducii sketch called "finda the pope in the pizza" i have tried to get information about acquiring a video or transcript of this sketch, but thus far to no avail. i wll be speaking with the original snl writer anne beatts to see if she can help me - next week - in the meantimne, do you recall this, and if so can i get access to this through you so that i can send it on to my roman friend? thanks, gayla nethercott Dear Patrick, hello, my name is Sana and I am looking for the transcript of an SNL skit. It's called "Cleen-Teen" (with Mary Katherine Gallagher) and I would like to perform it with my friends for our upcoming one-act play festival at school. I have seen the episode and i LOVE it, but i can't seem to find the transcript anywhere. If you have it, can u plese email me because i would really, really love to perform it. Thank you so much. ~Sana I would really appreciate it if you could post the transcript to the George W. Bush sketch when he speaks about the hostage situation in China (lists his 14 points). I thought it was really funny and I can't find it anywhere. I'd also like to commend you on your dedication to the show. You've got a great site and I visit frequently. I think I speak for a lot SNL fans when I say "thank you." Thanks for your time and keep up the good work. Jon Mautner Years ago, there was a skit with Abraham Lincoln sitting in the box at the Ford Theatre eating popcorn and yelling at the audience members below. He was rude and offensive. The skit was hilarious. I cannot remember who played Lincoln, but I would love to get a copy of that SNL skit. Is that possible? Please let me know ASAP. Thanks. Carol Bernstein Hey Patrick! Do you have the 1984 Billy Crystal-Martin Short sketch in which Crystal is a reform rabbi in his study and Short is a guy named Edelman whose wife is sleeping with someone else ("Sleeping? In a bed sleeping?" Naked in a bed sleeping?")? It opens with the Rabbi on the phone saying, "No no no. The Talmud is very clear on the subject. If a man steals another man's oxen, he must *re-PLACE* the oxen. It's very clear." Later he tells Edelman that life as we know it is all a dream God is having, and tries to wake Him up. Thanks, BB Brian Bram Vice President Creative BigBad, Inc. hello... um my friend jonathan, has written you before to ask for some transcripts. and he said your the man cause you always get them for him. for that thanks. but one more request... the sketch "THUGS" it's with martin luarence and someone else maybe tim meadows, it's the one that they make sound like "cops" but they do it as thugs. i hope i'm explaing myself. if not please write me back. um if you could get that for me that would be awsome. thanks so much. eL gORDO Hi Patrick--been enjoying your SNL site. There's a transcript that I'd love to see you add; I'm not sure what year this is but I'm fairly sure it's a Tom Hanks episode, probably in the very early 90s (and you do seem to have Tom Hanks eps on tape). It's a sketch about a guy who dies and meets his guardian angel, who has watched him all his life and can answer all his questions (occasionally about things he wasn't even aware of, such as girls who had crushes on him or the grossest thing he ever ate). I'm sure that Dana Carvey played the angel, and I'm seeing Tom Hanks as the dead guy, although that _might_ be wrong. It's a low-key but extremely sweet sketch and for some reason it's stayed with me for years; it would be lovely to see it resurface. Cheers-- Laura I love your website...it's great! I spend hours rereading the transcripts and laughing my head off. Thanks for being so dedicated! --christine I just wanted to tell you I think your site is great! I have so much fun at lunch reading the transcripts. Keep up the great work! Erin Bradley Human Resources Generalist Fry Multimedia http://www.frymulti.com Just came across your site as a couple of us were remembering the Sean Connery on Jeopardy episodes and I found exactly the one I had in mind. But.... there was another one that I thought of that doesn't seem to be there. Unfortunately I have no idea what season it was in, but it was Jeopardy with Mr. Short Term Memory (Tom Hanks). Would be great to see that one if you ever stumble across it. Great website, great work, great reference! Hey, great site. I was wondering if you could help me out. I remember some years back when Tom Hanks was hosting, he did a skit where he was a dimwit who "fixed the copiers" in an office building. He ended up in his bosses office with his boss trying to give him intelligence tests like rhorshach (sp?) and word association and Hanks ended up going off on this long oratory with him screaming at the end of it. I remeber it was really good and I can't find anyone who remembers it or what it was called. If you could help me out I would be most appreciative. Thanks. Luke our tape of last nights show didnt come out. my son was at a skatepark in Brooklyn a couple of weeks ago and Chris Kattan was filming a fake commercial (for preparation H I think). was it on the show? your help will be greatly appreciated by Joshua (12) thanks Bob Seidman Hello, First of all, thank you for your website, many funny moments to be remembered and relived as I read through the transcripts. Keep up the good work. I was actually specifically looking for a transcript or any other record of a spoof of the Heaven's Gate cult mass suicide, which actually occurred in March 1997. If I remember correctly, the skit was a Nightline special report in which Marshall Applewhite and the Heaven's Gaters were triumphantly transmitting to Koppel from the spaceship that they believed had been hiding in the wake of the Hale Bopp comet. I think Mark McKinney was Marshall Applewhite. Thanks for checking this out if you can. And again, thanks for keeping up your site. M. Shane Strawn Hello... I just want to say that I think your website is awesome! The sketch transcripts are always accurate and you update regularly. So, thanks for the great site! Well, i do have one transcript request. This may be a toughie but it's just an idea...do you remember the skit on the Kate Hudson episode "Rabun tu Shuri" (y'know...Leverne and Shirley in Japanese??)? Well that would be cool if you can transcribe that. I didn't want to ask you at first b/c it's hard, but you or someone you know may know Japanese-i don't know! Well thank you for reading this..your site rocks! Lauren We just wanted to say thank you for having such a good website. We enjoy the Bill Brasky and Celebrity Jepardy episodes alot. Thanks for all of you hard work in the production and maintainance of your website. Thanks, Phil & Fans First off, I want to congradulate you on a truly awesome site. This is, by far, the best (if not only good) compilation of SNL sketches from another great fan! I was just watching a re-run and saw a sketch that would be a great update to the site. I checked the master list, and I didn't see it on there, but there are quite a few clues in the episode that dates it. The sketch was done when Steve Martin hosted, and was his "Steve Martin's Penis Beauty Cream: New Formula" sketch. There is also a spot of the OJ simplson trial and a part where they are taking screen tests for the next Bill Clinton impersonator. Adam Sandler, David Spade, Chris Farly, Jenine Garofolo, and Ellen Cleghorne were all the in the episode. Long story short, if you have a chance to find the Penis Beauty Cream sketch and manage to add it to the database, it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks again! -Adam wow, i am really impressed with your site! i was just surfing around, looking for some old SNL transcripts and your site came up...it's awesome, it's got everything i wanted and more! i can't wait to get the transcripts of the derek jeter episode, there was some funny stuff on that one...thanks for you hard work! My boss was looking for the perfect toast for our company Christmas party tonight. He challenged me to help him find one, and suddenly last night I knew what I wanted - the Steve Martin Holiday Wish. If only I could find it ... Anyway, thanks to you and your site, I've got it and my boss is thrilled. He thinks it's perfect, and I'm a hero. Thanks again! Karen Spisak thanks a lot. my friends and family have enjoyed the fruits of your transcribing labor for the past few months. well done. Hi Patrick, Firstly, I have to tell you that I love your site! It's been tremendously helpful to me with a project I'm working on about SNL. Very nice job. Here's my question.... When Dana Carvey hosted SNL on 10/22/94, did George Bush actually appear with him or was that Dana Carvey playing George Bush? I hope you can help me with this. I'd truly appreciate any info you can provide. Thanks, David Silver Producer E! Entertainment Television Thanks so much. I just stumbled on to your website, and think you perform a real public service. I hope you get something out of it -- at least tix to the show Bill Smith My name is Van Weber. For years every where I go people say that I look just like Bill Murray. And I do. I don't really know what it can get me but I would just like to get the word out and see it anything comes from it. I can send you some pictures of me if you are interested. I plan on getting in touch with some casting agents also, but I thought Lorne would like to know that Bill Murray has a twin. Van Weber HI there. I first want to thank you for what a great service you're providing. SNL has been a source of happiness for me since it's inception. My prayers were answered when NBC began running COMPLETE episodes after the new SNL shows late every Sat./Sun. AM. I've been taping them whenever possible. Do you know how long they plan to continue showing complete episodes and in what order? I noticed that E! has reruns as well, but do you know if they edit them? It appears that they're only an hour. I want to tape the upcoming rerun of Eric Idle/Bob Dylan (1979), but I fear that they'll edit out one or more of Bob's 3 songs performed. Any info, any help here? Around July 4th E! will be having an SNL marathon. Please let me know what you know about finding complete episodes currently on TV. Thanks a bunch. -Jason Thanks so much for the website and the built in Search feature. This is great stuff you have put together! Shane Hazelwood Dear Patrick Greetings from a cold and wet Edinburgh!! Firstly (and most importantly)I hope you'll accept my congratulations for a truly fantastic site. I also have to add my gratitude - although I've long been an SNL fan (probably due to being a huge fan of "Ghostbusters" as a kid!) living in the UK means it's very rare I get the opportunity to see any episodes, and have had to make do with the small amount of sell-thru videos that were popular around the time of Wayne's World, and trying to catch what episodes UK satellite TV could be bothered to show at 3am!! Anyway - that's where your site has been a Godsend - since discovering it I have been able to enjoy episodes I would never normally get the chance to experience. Anyway, the other reason for contacting you was that I have heard that Brittany Murphy will be hosting on November 16th. As a massive fan of hers also, I'm obviously disappointed that I won't be able to see it. But I was wondering if you could confirm if you will transcribing that episode also? You would make my day if you were!!!! Thanks again for what you've done for UK SNL fans and hopefully I'll hear from you in the near future. Stevie Kerr Edinburgh Hello, and thanks for putting together a great site! I'm really enjoying paging back through your transcripts and laughing all over again at skits I remember from the eighties and nineties. One sketch I'd like to see added, if you can find it, is one I've always thought was called "The Ladies' Room" (but apparently isn't). Two or three couples are having dinner at a restaurant, and the women go to the bathroom together. The men get curious about what's keeping them, and they sneak into the ladies' room themselves to see what it's like. Inside, it's like a whole other world - a resort or something, with doors leading out to ski slopes and stuff. And in the middle is this blind singer in a toga and sunglasses strumming a harp and singing "The Ladies' Room, The Ladies' Room." I think the men are captured and forced to stay there because they've discovered this huge, dark secret about women's bathrooms. I tried your search feature to find this skit, but I didn't have any luck with the title "The Ladies Room." So I tried looking at the individual episodes from the two seasons Brad Hall was on the show because he's the only one I definitely remember being in the sketch - he was the blind singer. The only title that looks hopeful is "The Hidden Paradise," from an '83 show when Susan Saint James was hosting. I'd be delighted if you could find this one for me. It's always been one of my favorites. Cheers, Kyriel Hey... I just wanted to send props to a killer website. I laugh even harder when I can go back and read the sketches from the week before...Keep it up!! Bryce I would like a copy of the transcript about my own college graduation as the oldest graduating senior at Oklahoma State University this spring semester. I think they did a script on last week's show or perhaps the week before, May 9th perhaps. I think they showed a video of me and mentioned my name, Stephen Baker-Little. A local NBC television wants to do a follow-up story about this. Can you give me any help? Thanks, Stephen Baker-Little I've wanted the bit of Church Chat with Tammy Faye Bakker for YEARS - it was truly a classic! I was in junior high and it has been one of the funniest things I remember all these years... That and the Colonel Angus bit from this past year - at first disgusting, and moments later truly a brilliant bit of satire. Thanks (?) to TV Guide to point this site out.. in an article and listing on the best web sites devoted to TV shows, which I would have to agree - this one certainly would belong! Check it out - you'll probably be getting a bunch more crazy emails from people like me, once this issue gets out to the how many millions of subscribers? Martin Hello Patrick Lonergan. I bet you're getting a lot of email right now, after TV Guide mentioned your web site. Great site - cool idea. I don't really understand how you go about choosing etc. what goes into your site, but I noticed that you had part of the '78 show with Frank Zappa on it. I collect Zappa stuff, and have video of those musical numbers, and even the Conehead sketch. But I've never seen the "Night on Freak Mountain" sketch since it originally aired. I even remember some of the dialog, as when Zappa, after convincing the "hippies" on Freak Mountain that he didn't use drugs, is asked "Why not?" To which he replies, looking right at John Belushi who is chasing hallucinations, "Because I don't like the effects they have on *some* people!" Priceless! At least, that's the way it survives in my memory. Any chance of you researching this bit for me? I don't have cable, but I do get one rerun a week, if I happen to be up at 3AM, or remember to set the VCR. I any case, I'll be keeping an eye on your site, and enjoying what's there. Thanks for your attention. Scott For the first time in months, I got up early enough to catch the end of last week's classic "SNL," which some time ago magically reappeared on my local NBC affiliate, WHO in Des Moines. I work nights, and am usually up before midnight, but weekends have been harder lately, or else you probably would have seen a hundred transcripts from me by now! Strange how the Gary Weis "Homeward Bound" film still defies transcript, though. I am still enjoying the NBC special from February. The Mardi Gras footage was especially interesting, since much of that has probably never been seen since February of 1977 (even I don't remember that one!). Some very interesting insight into the show, even for a guy who's read older books about "NBC's Saturday Night." No doubt the network could put its overnight ratings through the roof, even today, by showing THAT one unedited. But that special recaptured the magic all over again. That show has been with me all my life... even today, it has the power to make me laugh and almost cry. Hope the transcripts keep coming! Sean Comments, Page 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 SNL Transcripts