SNL Transcripts: Rob Lowe: 10/07/00: Airport Blind Date


Saturday Night Live Transcripts

Season 26: Episode 1

00a: Rob Lowe / Eminem

Airport Blind Date

Ray Murphy…..Molly Shannon
Rick Jennings…..Will Ferrell
Bartender…..Chris Kattan

[ open on an airport bar, with Rick Jennings sitting to the right.Ray Murphy appears, and Ray looks to the left as she arrives. ]

Ray Murphy: Hi! Are you Rick Jennings?

Rick Jennings: Yes, hi!

Ray Murphy: Hi…

Rick Jennings: Ray?

Ray Murphy: Ray.

Rick Jennings: Ray…

Ray Murphy: Murphy?

Rick Jennings: Yeah, Ray Murphy.

Ray Murphy: Nice to meet you…

Rick Jennings: Nice to meet you too… yeah…

Ray Murphy: Good…

Rick Jennings: Yeah…

Ray Murphy: So nice to meet you…

Rick Jennings: So nice to meet you!

Ray Murphy: Well…

Rick Jennings: You look great!

Ray Murphy: Thank you… so do you!

Rick Jennings: Sorry the stool is so high…

Ray Murphy: [ laughs ] That’s OK!

Rick Jennings: So, yeah…

Ray Murphy: Yeah…

[ they repeat this uncertainty routine for a few seconds ]

Rick Jennings: So…

Ray Murphy: It’s so nice to finally put a face with the voice I’ve talked to on the phone for so long.

Rick Jennings: [ in agreement ] Oh yeah, right, right!

Ray Murphy: So…

Rick Jennings: Do you, uh.. do you go on blind dates much?

Ray Murphy: You know, I really don’t, they sorta scare me. I’m a pretty shy person…

Rick Jennings: That’s understandable.

Ray Murphy: …and the whole thing just sorta makes me feel a little bit embarrassed or vulnerable, like that.

Rick Jennings: That’s fine, well… thank you for showing up!

Ray Murphy: Well, thank you for thanking me!

[ They both laugh ]

Ray Murphy: So…

Rick Jennings: Yeah… Would you likea drink?

Ray Murphy: Sure! I’m gonna have… a whiskey sour.

Rick Jennings: OK! I think I’ll have one, too!

Ray Murphy: Great!

Rick Jennings: [ to Bartender ] Excuse me. [ Bartender appears ] Um, can we have two whiskey sours?

Bartender: Two whiskey sours?

Rick Jennings: Yeah.

Bartender: OK. [ taps table, then leaves ]

Ray Murphy: So… can I ask you a question?

Rick Jennings: Yeah, sure.

Ray Murphy: Why did you pick an airport bar as a first date?

Rick Jennings: You know.. I thought you lived near the airport.

Ray Murphy: Really? That’s strange. No, I live down by the Dunes.

Rick Jennings: Oh.. OK.

Ray Murphy: Yeah…

Rick Jennings: How is it, is it nice down there?

Ray Murphy: Yeah, it’s great. My brother Mack and his wife have a place down there, so sometimes I stay with them.

Rick Jennings: Wait, so I’m confused. So, do you not have your own place, do you stay with your brother and his sister?

Ray Murphy: You know what, I don’t really wanna talk about that right now; I just met you and I don’t know you all that well, and maybe when I get to know you better I can tell you about my living situation, because, well… I really don’t wanna talk about it right now. So…

Rick Jennings: That’s fine.

Ray Murphy: Yeah.. sorta how I feel.

Rick Jennings: Fine.

Ray Murphy: So…

Rick Jennings: Yeah, we don’t hafta talk about it.

Ray Murphy: Yeah… OK… [ Bartender appears ]

Bartender: Two whiskey sours. [ places the drinks in front of Ray and his date ]

Rick Jennings: Thank you.

Bartender: Are either of you two on the 8:00 American flight to Boston?

Together: No, no…

Bartender: Because it just got delayed two hours… [ to Ray ] So you’re lucky. [ leaves ]

Rick Jennings: Yeah…

Ray Murphy: So, where do you live?

Rick Jennings: [ mimicking his date ] Um.. you know what? I’d really rather not talk about it right now… no, just kidding! I live just off of Dewberry Street–

Ray Murphy: [ peeved ] That’s not funny.

Rick Jennings: I was.. I was just joking.

Ray Murphy: Yeah, well, that’s not my kind of joking. [ awkward pause ] Maybe we could just change the subject.

Rick Jennings: OK, let’s just change it.

Ray Murphy: I’m sorta hungry, do you wanna get something to eat, like some chicken fingers?

Rick Jennings: That sounds great! That sounds great! [ to Bartender ] Excuse me… [Bartender appears] can we order some chicken fingers?

Bartender: You know what, we’re all out of chicken fingers.

Rick Jennings: OK… [ to Ray ] Do you like shrimp?

Ray Murphy: I LOVE shrimp, that sounds great!

Rick Jennings: OK… [ to Bartender ] Shrimp?

Bartender: Popcorn shrimp?

Rick Jennings: Yeah, that sounds great.

Bartender: OK. [ taps table once, then leaves ]

Ray Murphy: Um.. so what kind of work do you do?

Rick Jennings: I sell eyeglasses. I know it sounds weird.

Ray Murphy: It doesn’t sound weird.

Rick Jennings: Oh good, yeah.

Ray Murphy: I think it’s so cute when you see little babies or little children that wear little glasses.. it’s SO cute!

Rick Jennings: Yes! Or babies that wear sunglasses!

Ray Murphy: Exactly!

Rick Jennings: Adorable, it really is.

Ray Murphy: Cute…

Rick Jennings: [ to himself ] What else, what else can I ask you… [ Bartender appears ]

Bartender: Here’s your popcorn shrimp.

Ray Murphy and Ray Murphy: Mmmmmm…

Ray Murphy: That looks so good…

Rick Jennings: I absolutely love shrimp.

Ray Murphy: Is it your favorite food?

Rick Jennings: …Yes. Does your brother Mack, does he like shrimp?

Ray Murphy: [ shocked ] You know what, I don’t really wanna talk about that right now.

Rick Jennings: OK. I was just asking…

Ray Murphy: Well, don’t ask.

Rick Jennings: Listen, I’m sorry, I just think it’s weird that every time I ask you something about your brother, it’s a sensitive subject.

Ray Murphy: [ upset ] Look… why are you so curious about him? I told you I don’t wanna talk about him, and here we are going round and round talking about my brother. Why are you so curious about my brother Mack?

Rick Jennings: I just think it’s odd that I can’t ask you about your brother Mack or his wife or living down by the Dunes.

Ray Murphy: [ even more distraught ] Please stop talking about it! God! Really! [Bartender appears]

Bartender: How are we doing over here?

Rick Jennings: We’re doing fine, yeah… we’re doing great.

Bartender: …OK. [ taps counter once, then leaves ]

Rick Jennings: You know, it’s funny, I’m driving a rental car, and–

Ray Murphy: [ interrupting ] You know what, I’m gonna go. I’m gonna leave… I’m gonna leave, I have sort of a full plate… so I’m gonna grab my purse and…

Rick Jennings: Can I call you sometime?

Ray Murphy: Yeah… No.

Rick Jennings: Yeah, don’t call.

Ray Murphy: I really don’t think we’re a match, I know that sounds rough but that’s just sorta how I feel… so…

Rick Jennings: So, don’t call you?

Ray Murphy: No, don’t call. You want some money?

Rick Jennings: No, no, no, my treat.

Ray Murphy: Good… great…

Rick Jennings: Well, good luck.

Ray Murphy: Good luck to you!

[ they shake hands, then she leaves ] [ Bartender appears ]

Ray Murphy: You know what, it turns out we did have those chicken fingers.

Rick Jennings: OK… that might be nice…

[ fade out ]

Submitted by: Paul Buxton

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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3 years ago

This is one of the worst things ever written. God help the cast and crew of this dreadful era.

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