Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 26: Episode 1
Airport Blind Date
Ray Murphy…..Molly Shannon
Rick Jennings…..Will Ferrell
Ray Murphy: Hi! Are you Rick Jennings?
Rick Jennings: Yes, hi!
Ray Murphy: Hi…
Rick Jennings: Ray?
Ray Murphy: Ray.
Rick Jennings: Ray…
Ray Murphy: Murphy?
Rick Jennings: Yeah, Ray Murphy.
Ray Murphy: Nice to meet you…
Rick Jennings: Nice to meet you too… yeah…
Ray Murphy: Good…
Rick Jennings: Yeah…
Ray Murphy: So nice to meet you…
Rick Jennings: So nice to meet you!
Ray Murphy: Well…
Rick Jennings: You look great!
Ray Murphy: Thank you… so do you!
Rick Jennings: Sorry the stool is so high…
Ray Murphy: [ laughs ] That’s OK!
Rick Jennings: So, yeah…
Ray Murphy: Yeah…[ they repeat this uncertainty routine for a few seconds ]
Rick Jennings: So…
Ray Murphy: It’s so nice to finally put a face with the voice I’ve talked to on the phone for so long.
Rick Jennings: [ in agreement ] Oh yeah, right, right!
Ray Murphy: So…
Rick Jennings: Do you, uh.. do you go on blind dates much?
Ray Murphy: You know, I really don’t, they sorta scare me. I’m a pretty shy person…
Rick Jennings: That’s understandable.
Ray Murphy: …and the whole thing just sorta makes me feel a little bit embarrassed or vulnerable, like that.
Rick Jennings: That’s fine, well… thank you for showing up!
Ray Murphy: Well, thank you for thanking me![ They both laugh ]
Ray Murphy: So…
Rick Jennings: Yeah… Would you likea drink?
Ray Murphy: Sure! I’m gonna have… a whiskey sour.
Rick Jennings: OK! I think I’ll have one, too!
Ray Murphy: Great!
Rick Jennings: [ to Bartender ] Excuse me. [ Bartender appears ] Um, can we have two whiskey sours?
Bartender: Two whiskey sours?
Rick Jennings: Yeah.
Bartender: OK. [ taps table, then leaves ]
Ray Murphy: So… can I ask you a question?
Rick Jennings: Yeah, sure.
Ray Murphy: Why did you pick an airport bar as a first date?
Rick Jennings: You know.. I thought you lived near the airport.
Ray Murphy: Really? That’s strange. No, I live down by the Dunes.
Rick Jennings: Oh.. OK.
Ray Murphy: Yeah…
Rick Jennings: How is it, is it nice down there?
Ray Murphy: Yeah, it’s great. My brother Mack and his wife have a place down there, so sometimes I stay with them.
Rick Jennings: Wait, so I’m confused. So, do you not have your own place, do you stay with your brother and his sister?
Ray Murphy: You know what, I don’t really wanna talk about that right now; I just met you and I don’t know you all that well, and maybe when I get to know you better I can tell you about my living situation, because, well… I really don’t wanna talk about it right now. So…
Rick Jennings: That’s fine.
Ray Murphy: Yeah.. sorta how I feel.
Rick Jennings: Fine.
Ray Murphy: So…
Rick Jennings: Yeah, we don’t hafta talk about it.
Ray Murphy: Yeah… OK… [ Bartender appears ]
Bartender: Two whiskey sours. [ places the drinks in front of Ray and his date ]
Rick Jennings: Thank you.
Bartender: Are either of you two on the 8:00 American flight to Boston?
Together: No, no…
Bartender: Because it just got delayed two hours… [ to Ray ] So you’re lucky. [ leaves ]
Rick Jennings: Yeah…
Ray Murphy: So, where do you live?
Rick Jennings: [ mimicking his date ] Um.. you know what? I’d really rather not talk about it right now… no, just kidding! I live just off of Dewberry Street–
Ray Murphy: [ peeved ] That’s not funny.
Rick Jennings: I was.. I was just joking.
Ray Murphy: Yeah, well, that’s not my kind of joking. [ awkward pause ] Maybe we could just change the subject.
Rick Jennings: OK, let’s just change it.
Ray Murphy: I’m sorta hungry, do you wanna get something to eat, like some chicken fingers?
Rick Jennings: That sounds great! That sounds great! [ to Bartender ] Excuse me… [Bartender appears] can we order some chicken fingers?
Bartender: You know what, we’re all out of chicken fingers.
Rick Jennings: OK… [ to Ray ] Do you like shrimp?
Ray Murphy: I LOVE shrimp, that sounds great!
Rick Jennings: OK… [ to Bartender ] Shrimp?
Bartender: Popcorn shrimp?
Rick Jennings: Yeah, that sounds great.
Bartender: OK. [ taps table once, then leaves ]
Ray Murphy: Um.. so what kind of work do you do?
Rick Jennings: I sell eyeglasses. I know it sounds weird.
Ray Murphy: It doesn’t sound weird.
Rick Jennings: Oh good, yeah.
Ray Murphy: I think it’s so cute when you see little babies or little children that wear little glasses.. it’s SO cute!
Rick Jennings: Yes! Or babies that wear sunglasses!
Ray Murphy: Exactly!
Rick Jennings: Adorable, it really is.
Ray Murphy: Cute…
Rick Jennings: [ to himself ] What else, what else can I ask you… [ Bartender appears ]
Bartender: Here’s your popcorn shrimp.
Ray Murphy and Ray Murphy: Mmmmmm…
Ray Murphy: That looks so good…
Rick Jennings: I absolutely love shrimp.
Ray Murphy: Is it your favorite food?
Rick Jennings: …Yes. Does your brother Mack, does he like shrimp?
Ray Murphy: [ shocked ] You know what, I don’t really wanna talk about that right now.
Rick Jennings: OK. I was just asking…
Ray Murphy: Well, don’t ask.
Rick Jennings: Listen, I’m sorry, I just think it’s weird that every time I ask you something about your brother, it’s a sensitive subject.
Ray Murphy: [ upset ] Look… why are you so curious about him? I told you I don’t wanna talk about him, and here we are going round and round talking about my brother. Why are you so curious about my brother Mack?
Rick Jennings: I just think it’s odd that I can’t ask you about your brother Mack or his wife or living down by the Dunes.
Ray Murphy: [ even more distraught ] Please stop talking about it! God! Really! [Bartender appears]
Bartender: How are we doing over here?
Rick Jennings: We’re doing fine, yeah… we’re doing great.
Bartender: …OK. [ taps counter once, then leaves ]
Rick Jennings: You know, it’s funny, I’m driving a rental car, and–
Ray Murphy: [ interrupting ] You know what, I’m gonna go. I’m gonna leave… I’m gonna leave, I have sort of a full plate… so I’m gonna grab my purse and…
Rick Jennings: Can I call you sometime?
Ray Murphy: Yeah… No.
Rick Jennings: Yeah, don’t call.
Ray Murphy: I really don’t think we’re a match, I know that sounds rough but that’s just sorta how I feel… so…
Rick Jennings: So, don’t call you?
Ray Murphy: No, don’t call. You want some money?
Rick Jennings: No, no, no, my treat.
Ray Murphy: Good… great…
Rick Jennings: Well, good luck.
Ray Murphy: Good luck to you![ they shake hands, then she leaves ] [ Bartender appears ]
Ray Murphy: You know what, it turns out we did have those chicken fingers.
Rick Jennings: OK… that might be nice…[ fade out ]
Submitted by: Paul Buxton