Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 26: Episode 1
Dateline Pre-Tapes
Stone Phillips…..Rob Lowe
Director…..Will Ferrell
Announcer: From our studios in New York, Stone Phillips.
Stone Phillips: Good evening. A baby goes into the water. A mother asleep on a towel. What would you do? Here’s Carl Leggert.
Director: Great stone, just great, you nailed it. You good with that one?
Stone Phillips: Yeah, I think so.
Announcer: OK, that’s a bye, moving on, let’s do the trampoline intro!
[roll opening footage]Announcer: From our studios in New York, Stone Phillips.
Stone Phillips: Good evening. The trampoline… children’s play toy or vicious backyard killer? Here’s Melissa Tompkin.
Director: Great!
Stone Phillips: Can I do that one again?
Director: OK, do it again.
[roll opening footage]Announcer: From our studios in New York, Stone Phillips.
Stone Phillips: Good evening. The trampoline… children’s play toy or vicious backyard killer? Here’s Melissa Tompkin.
Director: Perfect! Perfect…
Stone Phillips: One more…
Director: Sure, one more.
Announcer: From our studios in New York, Stone Phillips.
Stone Phillips: Good evening. The trampoline… children’s play toy or vicious backyard killer? Here’s Melissa Tompkin.
Director: Excellent, that was perfect.
Stone Phillips: That was good.
Director: Yeah, pretty good.
Stone Phillips: I really felt I nailed it. Did you feel I nailed it?
Director: Yes, yes, I did.
Stone Phillips: But I think I could do it better.
Director: You got it.
[roll opening footage]Announcer: From our studios in New York, Stone Phillips.
Stone Phillips: Good evening. The trampoline… children’s play toy or vicious backyard killer… Hang on! Shouldn’t it be “unbelievably vicious backyard killer?”
Director: Yes, it should… here we go.
[roll opening footage]Announcer: From our studios in New York, Stone Phillips.
Stone Phillips: Good evening. The trampoline… children’s play toy or an unbelievably vicious backyard killer? Here’s Melissa Tompkin.
Director: Perfect! I’m not just sayin’ that.
Stone Phillips: I think “unbelievably” might be a little too bit powerful…
Director: Right, right again, always right. You know what, let’s not do the video roll in, let’s do three in a row.
Stone Phillips: OK.
Director: Three in a row, real quick.
Stone Phillips: [ Hesitates ] Am I waiting for the V/O?
Director: Nuh uh, nope. And… go!
Stone Phillips: Good evening. The trampoline… children’s play toy or vicious backyard killer? Here’s Melissa Tompkin, Good evening. The trampoline… children’s play toy or vicious backyard killer? Here’s Melissa Tompkin, Good evening. The trampoline… children’s play toy or vicious backyard killer? Here’s Melissa Tompkin.
Director: I think we got it. Wow! That was good!
Stone Phillips: Two more.
Director: OK, two more… [ to an off-camera crew member ] DON’T ROLL THAT CABLE UP, GARY! PUT THE CABLE BACK! TWO MORE!
Stone Phillips: Good evening. The trampoline… children’s play toy or vicious backyard killer? Here’s Melissa Tompkin.
Director: Nice, very nice. Wow, very heavy.
Stone Phillips: I think I felt it here. [ points to his chest ]
Director: Are you kidding?
Stone Phillips: Yes.
Director: It’s fun to see.
Stone Phillips: That Melissa Tompkin is getting a lot of stories!
Director: She certainly is. Listen, let’s do Tuesday. You need a coffee, Stone?
Stone Phillips: No. Wait- Yes.
Director: Stone needs a coffee. Dateline Monday’s a wrap. Moving on to Dateline Tuesday… Good promo, everybody!
[fade out]Submitted by: Paul Buxton
