SNL Transcripts: Rob Lowe: 10/07/00: Ralph Nader Backstage


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 26: Episode 1

00a: Rob Lowe / Eminem

Ralph Nader Backstage

…..Ralph Nader
…..Lorne Michaels
…..Rob Lowe

[ Lorne Michaels is trapped backstage in a conversation with Ralph Nader ]

Ralph Nader: Lone, I don’t understand why you won’t let me be in the Debate sketch.

Lorne Michaels: If you had been in the real debate – maybe..

Ralph Nader: Where’s your sense of fairness?

Lorne Michaels: Maybe if you’re in the next debate.. [ Rob Lowe passes through the hall, Lorne grabs his arms ] Rob!

Rob Lowe: [ stops ] Yeah?

Lorne Michaels: You two know each other, don’t you?

Rob Lowe: [ excited ] Oh, yeah! [ shakes Ralph’s hand ] Hey. Good to see you. How are you?

[ Lorne quietly walks off ]

Ralph Nader: That episode on the death penalty was right on the money. You know, there are no statuatory criminal penalties for manufacturing a defective automobile dangerous to life..

[ slow zoom to Rob’s head ]

Rob Lowe’s Inner Voice: Who is this guy? Should I know him? Lorne knows him, so that means he must be famous. Wait a minute.. was he in “St. Elmo’s Fire”? [ Ralph continues to ramble ] He sounds smart. He couldn’t have been in “St. Elmo’s Fire”. Damn! Is he one of my agents? Of course not – he wouldn’t have a suit!

Ralph Nader: ..I think we’re in a real transition period here, that gives us a real opportunity. Do you know what I mean?

Rob Lowe: Oh.. oh, of course..

Ralph Nader: Government by and for the people? Now it’sgovernment by and for big corporations..

[ Rob glances away from Ralph ]

Rob Lowe’s Inner Voice: Is that a mirror? Why, yes, it is! Hello, handsome! [ Ralph is still rambling ] I have to get out of this conversation..

Rob Lowe: [ interrupting ] You know.. [ holds up bare arm ] ..look at the time. I should really be going..

Ralph Nader: But.. you’re not wearing a watch. [ Rob laughs ] As I was saying..

Rob Lowe’s Inner Voice: Damn.. this guy is good. Maybe I’ll give him a little treat..

Rob Lowe: [ interrupting ] Hey! you know something? I gotta tell you – I work on the show “The West Wing”, and.. the other day.. we’re all sitting around, and Martin Sheen..

[ slow zoom to Ralph’s face ]

Ralph Nader’s Inner Voice: Look at him – he’s high! I should bring up my position on the decriminalization of weed. That would get his vote! What do I care? I’m Ralph Nader! I’m going to be the next President of the United States! Those big corporations aren’t going to know what hit ’em! ‘Cause I don’t take bribes like the Republicans or the Democrats. My price is way higher. They don’t call it the Green Party for nothing! [ laughs ] [ a pair of security guards jump in grabs Rob and Ralph ]

Security Guard: Alright, let’s go!

Lorne Michaels: [ interceding ] No, no, no, no! Not the handsome guy – the other guy.

Ralph Nader: [ being dragged away ] Lorne! Lorne!

Lorne Michaels: Sorry, Ralph.

Rob Lowe: Oh! It’s Ralph Nader!

Lorne Michaels: Right. Uh.. you should get changed. Come on.

[ Rob and Lorne exit in opposite directions – fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x