SNL Transcripts: Dana Carvey: 10/21/00: Father And Son Go Hunting



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 26: Episode 3



00c: Dana Carvey / The Wallflowers

Father And Son Go Hunting

George W. Bush…..Will Ferrell
George Bush…..Dana Carvey

[ open on a quiet forest. Gunshot rings out. ]

Voice: Over here! It went this way!

[ George W. Bush, dressed in hunting gear and pointing rifle runs into a clearing, followed by his father, George Bush ]

George Bush: Well, did you get him, or what? [ looks ] Ah, looks like you missed it.

George W. Bush: I missed it! Dammit! I think I scared it off. I’m gonna run after it!

George Bush: Ah, it’s okay, son. Why don’t we just stop, and sit on this old log for a minute? Your old man’s getting tired. Have a seat, come on now.

George W. Bush: We gotta get out after that deer. I wanna kill it!

George Bush: Sit down! Come on, son, have a seat.

George W. Bush: Alright. [ sits next to his father ] I’ll tell you something – that deer is gonna be one dead dog by the time I get to it! [ laughs ]

George Bush: Alright, son, settle down. You know, Babs and I used to come up here. In fact, you, Jeb, and your sister were.. I made all of you right over there in that dirt! Yeah, those were funky times, know what I mean, son?

George W. Bush: Shh.. I hear something. [ holds up his rifle and points ]

George Bush: Forget about the deer for a second, son! Come on, relax, would you like a little Lifesaver or something?

George W. Bush: Yeah, sure.

George Bush: Alright, buddy. [ takes out roll of Lifesavers ] There you go.

George W. Bush: [ pulls antlers out of his hunting jacket ] I’m gonna play with these antlers, too. [ starts clapping the antlers together ]

George Bush: Put the antlers down! Come on! [ separates the antlers from George W.’s hands ] Put ’em down, there’s your Lifesaver. I wanna talk to you, man to man, for a minute.

George W. Bush: Sure thing, Dad. What’s up?

George Bush: Well.. it looks like it’s really gonna happen. Unbelievable. You’re ahead in the polls, you look really good in those debates.. I tell you, I think we really got a shot.

George W. Bush: [ mind wandering ] I wish I’d shot that deer!

George Bush: Son, you know what it means to be President, President of the United States? Everybody looks up to you, you’re the leader of the most powerful nation in the whole world.

George W. Bush: It’s gonna be cool, Dad, I’m pretty psyched!

George Bush: It’s more than just “cool”. That hippy language you’re still prone to.. It’s honorable. The highest office in the land – none higher! People look to you to make their lives better, and you’ll be in a position to really help.

George W. Bush: [ thinking ] Cool. Very cool.

George Bush: Well, when I was in the White House, there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t feel proud of what I’d acheived. But more than pride, I felt responsible. A lot of crazy stuff comes at you – world problems, problems at home.. [ George W. starts clapping the antlers together again ] Get these down, will you! [ seizes the antlers from George W.’s hands, then smacks him across the face ] Now, think about it! You’re gonna be Commander-in-Chief. The most potent military in the world. That’s a heavy burdon for any man to bear.

George W. Bush: Wow. Well, we should be getting after that deer.

George Bush: Look.. I know you’re not quite right in the head, son. Maybe it’s this dyslexia they keep talking about. Back when you were born, Babs and I called it “retardation”. I guess no one says that any more. Whatever the doctors wanna call you, I just want you to know I’m proud of you, son. I really am. Your mother and I love you very much.. I just hope..

George W. Bush: Shh.. quiet! [ points rifle ] I got a beat on him! [ camera shows view from the scope of the rifle, deer grazing in the grass ] That’s right.. look over here. I’m sorry, Rudolph, looks like the Governor will not grant you a reprieve! One.. two.. three..

George Bush: [ pushes rifle down ] Now, hey, hold up, come on now. How about letting this one get away, what do you say, son?

George W. Bush: Sure, Dad, I know what you’re saying. But it ain’t gonna happen. Nighty-night, Bambi! [ fires rifle ] Man! I dropped him! How about that? A whole deer! Wow! The buck stops right there, huh, Dad? Am I right? Say.. Dad? If I get to be President, are we gonna go hunting any more?

George Bush: [ sighs ] Sure, son. You know, son, why don’t you go up there and check on your kill? Well, go on. I’m just gonna sit for a minute..

George W. Bush: Alright! That’s a good idea! [ jumps up and runs to bag his deer ]

George Bush: [ stands up, points rifle towards George W., then lowers it ] Nah.. can’t even think about it. First of all, it’s against the law. Babs wouldn’t like it.. Well.. it’s probably just four years.. Hey, wait for me, son! I’m right behind ya!

[ George Bush runs after George W., as scene fades to black ]

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