Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 26: Episode 4
00d: Charlize Theron / Paul Simon
The Buena Vista Social Club
Hot Blondie…..Charlize Theron
Old Crooner…..Jerry Minor
Man with Guitar…..Horatio Sanz
Band Leader…..Tracy Morgan
(Opens with the outside of the Brewster Place Country Club building,cut to the inside of it. Stage with an orchestra, tables with people and an MC makes the introductions)
MC: Hello everybody. We have a special surprise performance everyone. You may have seen these talented people in the award winning documentary by Wim Wenders.
(George and his hot date share a table)
Hot Blondie: Honey, you´re gonna love this! I have the CD.
George: Yeah, I know. I´m totally psyched.
MC: It is my great honor to introduce to you all the way from Cuba. The Buena Vista Social Club!
(MC leaves the stage, audience applauds,Cuban music plays, enters an old black crooner and a man with a guitar)
Man with guitar: We want to make love to you with our musical instruments!
Hot Blondie: Oh, honey. They´re so cute! I wish I understood Spanish.
George: My Spanish is a little rusty but I´ll try to translate.
Old crooner and Man with guitar: La chica que yo amo es una flor muy linda.
George: The girl that he loves is like a beautiful flower.
Old crooner and Man with guitar: Labios como dulce, culito como el diablo.
George: With lips sweet like candy and an ass like the devil.
Old Crooner and Man with guitar: No tengo pantalones besa mi chorizo. No tengo pantalones besa mi chorizo!!
Hot Blondie: What are they saying?
George: I think they said I have no pants and kiss my big sausage.
(song ends, applause)
Man with guitar: Thank you. Thank you.
Old crooner: I hope the last song made all the ladies in the audience wet!
Band leader: What he means to say is he wants the song to bring tear to your eye.
(New song begins)
Old crooner: Oye, amigo. Como estas?
George: Hello, friend. How are you?
Man with guitar: Bien, pero calentoso como siempre.
George: Good but horny as always.
Old crooner: Ves a esa chica aqui. (points to hot Blondie)
George: Do you see the girl I´m pointing at?
Man with guitar: Si, te apuesto que la podemos coger en un triangulo sexual.
Old crooner: Si, si ese pendejo con la corbata roja se fuera.
George: I bet we could double team her if we can get rid of the dumb ass in the red tie. Hey! I´m the only dumb ass here with a red tie!
Hot Blondie: Sshhhh! George, calm down.
George: They´re singing about doing it with you!
Hot Blondie: What? Look at them, they´re harmless! The music´s sensual, right? That´s the Cuban music. That´s why I love the CD so much!
(Song ends, applause, old crooner gets down to the audience)
Man with guitar: Thank you, thank you.
Band leader: OK, everybody. At this time we would like to invite some lucky lady up to come and join us for a special dance called the Lambada Dance.
(Old crooner already has the hot Blondie by the hand and points at her very horny)
George: Lambada? That´s not Cuban!
Band leader: How about you? The girl he would like to double team!
George: No, no. Don´t go up there!
Hot Blondie: Oh, loosen up, George!
(Old crooner signals for music, lively music plays and he dry humps her from the front, eyes closed, tongue out. Man with guitar joins in an dry humps her from behind)
Band Leader: Now they would like to teach you the guitar!
(She grabs the guitar)
Hot Blondie: Oh, OK!
(The hot Blondie barely can hold the guitar, she´s with it. The dry humps turn into kissing her all over her body, George gets up)
George: Hey! you know what? That´s enough! That´s enough!
(George tries desperately to free her from the horny Cubans)
(Cheers and applause)
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel