A Message From The Vice-President Of The United States


A Message From The Vice-President Of The United States

Vice-President Al Gore…..Darrell Hammond

Vice-President Al Gore: Hi. I’m Al Gore. I’ve asked to speak withyou tonight, because we are a nation in crisis. A crisis more serious thananything we have faced in our entire history. In the election held lastTuesday, I, and my running-mate Joe Lieberman, received a clear majority ofthe popular vote. However, according to our Constitution, it is not thepopular vote, but that of the Electoral College which determines the winner.And I accept that, even though I won a majority of the vote. Now, many haveargued that this may be unfair, in as much as I, the winner of the popularvote, could still lose this election in the Electoral College. But that isour system. And until that system changes, perhaps in the next election, orretroactively, for this one, I will abide by it. Even though, as I said, Iwon a clear majority of the popular vote.

But I’m not here tonight to talk about the popular vote that I won – although Idid win it, I won a clear majority of it. My concern is with the state ofFlorida, and the outrageous voting irregularities which took place there.And it shows a clearly illegal ballot, used only in a heavily DemocraticPalm Beach county, particularly in African-American and elderly Jewishcommunities. [ grabs the ballot for show ] In the opinion of most independentobservers, this is the single most confusing, bewildering, incipherabledocument ever produced. To begin with, how do you know which side to vote on?[ holds it up on one side ] Is this right-side up? [ flips it over ]Or is this right-side up? The ballot dosn’t say. And what’s withall these confusing names? Bush. Gore. Buchanan. Nader. And confusingparty affiliations. Democrat. Republican. Reform. Here’s one called”Green”. And here’s more names. George. Patrick. Albert. John. John.There’s two different Johns.. I mean, who on earth could figure this out.But to really understand how confusing this ballot is, you have to take acloser look. Here it is. [ close-up is shown ] Now, for the love of God,what are all these dots? And these arrows? If you look closely, you willsee that tips of the arrow points to a dot.. but the shaftof the arrow points back to a name. So how do you vote? Do youcircle a candidate’s name? Do you underline it? Or do you write it on thearrow? Or underneath? Or maybe it’s the dots. Do you write the candidate’sname on the dots? They seem sort of small. Maybe just his initials. Ordo you color in the dots? If so, in what color? Maybe you scratch the dotswith the edge of a penny. Or lick the dots. Again, this ballot doesnot spell it out. I went to Harvard – I couldn’t make heads or tailsof this. [ puts ballot away ]

Just imagine what it was like for the most vulnerable residents of PalmBeach. [ holds up photo ] This is Esther Rosenthal. Esther Rosenthal isage 92, a Democrat all her life.. Esther left her nursing home Tuesdaymorning intending to vote for me! Totally bewildered by this ballot,she ended up voting for the Libertarian candidate, and switching herlong-distance service to Sprint. [ holds up next photo ] Okay.. Sidney andReesa Mandel, age 87 and 85, ate their ballot! [ holds up nextphoto ] While Rachel Goldensten, age 96, mailed hers to Barbra Streisand.

Now, once more, this ballot fiasco not only violated the rights of PalmBeach citizens, it may also have cost my ticket the state of Florida andgiven my opponent a majority in the Electoral College, even though themajority of the popular vote, for those of you just joining this program,went to me. So, how can this injustice be remedied? Clearly, the onlyone practical solution, as any fair-minded person would agree, is to havea revote among the African-American and elderly Jewish residents of PalmBeach county with a simple, clearly-readable ballots, printed in English,Hebrew and Ebonics. Let the people vote, and the chips fall where they may.Should I win the vote, even though it’s impossible to predict.. that’sfine. Should Governor Bush win – again, let’s just say – so be it. I’llaccept the judgment of the people of Florida and move on.. to challenge thevote totals in Tennessee.. Ohio.. Nevada.. Missouri.. New Hampshire.. NewMexico.. Arkansas.. and West Virginia. Also, Dick Cheney may nottechnically be a United States citizen. We’re looking into that.Thank you, and God bless you.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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