Iceman: The Later Years
Co-Pilot #1…..Chris Parnell
Co-Pilot #2…..Will Ferrell
[ open in cockpit of 747 airplane ]
Stewardess: Anything I can get you guys before take-off?
Co-Pilot #1: No, I think we’re good. Just waiting for Captain..[ checks log ] ..Kazansky.
Co-Pilot #2: Wait.. not Tom Kazansky?
Co-Pilot #1: Yes. That’s what it says.
Co-Pilot #2: The ex-Navy fighter pilot who always brags about going to the Top Gun school, like, 15 years ago.
Co-Pilot #1: Yes. Is there a problem?
Iceman: [ enters cockpit, wearing cap with “Iceman” stitched in ] Yeah. There is a problem. You.. because you’re dangerous. [ pulls off his shades to revela another pair beneath ] You’re dangerous and foolish – and that makes you dangerous! Now, let’s cut the.. crap. [ removes second pair of shades ] We’ve got a plane to fly. Let’s try to be on time, okay?
Co-Pilot #1: [ stunned ] Okay..[ show footage of scenes around the airport ] [ Music Over: “Danger Zone”, Kenny Loggins ] [ SUPER: “Iceman: The Later Years” ] [ cut back to cockpit ]
Iceman: Listen to me – you’re out of line! Your ego’s writingchecks your body can’t cash, and that makes you dangerous!
Stewardess: So, is that decaf, or regular coffee?
Iceman: Regular! And it’s “Iceman”!
Stewardess: I, uh.. I can see you wrote that on your hat there, Tom. [ walks away ]
Iceman: [ takes off his cap ] Hell of a bird! I got this baby up to a Mach 3 yesterday!
Co-Pilot #1: You were doing Mach 3 on a 727?
Iceman: I was shaving with a Mach 3! When you shave with a Mach 3, there’s no time to think! If you think, you’re dead!
Co-Pilot #2: What are you talking about?
Iceman: You guys are dangerous. [ looks out window ] Bogey!Repeat: Bogey! Come in, Butter 6, he’s got tone!
Co-Pilot #2: That’s the 9:35 out of Tampa. It’s taxiing!
Iceman: you guys are dangerous!
Co-Pilot #2: Tom, I’m gonna ask you to stop saying that.
Iceman: [ wearing helmet inscribed “Iceman”, yelling into theloudspeaker ] We’re forging, Negative Eye! It’s too close for missiles! We’re gonna shoot some guns!
Co-Pilot #1: [ translating into loudspeaker ] What Captain Kazansky means to say is that our in-flight movie today is “Duets”, starring Huey Lewis.[ show footage of scenes around the airport ] [ Music Over: “Danger Zone”, Kenny Loggins ] [ cut back to cockpit ]
Co-Pilot #1: [ into loudspeaker ] On behalf of AVA Airlines, welcome to Flagstaff, and have a pleasant day.
Co-Pilot #2: Nice landing, Tom. See you guys tomorrow. [ startsto leave ]
Iceman: What a rush! Hey, why don’t we go to a hotel room, andshower, and dry off, and play some volleyball?
Co-Pilot #2: I don’t think that’s gonna happen, Tom. [ exits cockpit ]
Co-Pilot #1: Hey, I think I’m just gonna grab some sleep. You, uh.. do your thing.
Iceman: [ shakes hands ] You can be my wing-man any time!
Co-Pilot #1: Yeah.. great. Whatever. [ exits cockpit ]
Iceman: Don’t go. [ to himself ] These guys are dangerous..[ pan out to fade ]