Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 26: Episode 11
Lady Speed Stick…..Jennifer Lopez
(MTV Cribs bumper shown)
Announcer: Welcome to MTV Cribs, the show that lets you hop the fence and sneak a peek at the homes of your favorite stars. This week we head to Manhattan to drop in on the hottest new R&B trio, Geminis Twin!
(Cut to the twins inside their apartment. Their song, No Whack Whack plays in the background)
Jonette: Wassup MTV!
Britanica: Welcome to the beautiful home of the ladies of Geminis Twin in downtown
Jonette: Okay, so today, were gonna give you a tour. Kick back and chill, cause we bout it, bout it.
Britanica: Now you all have probably noticed that yet again, we have a new mem-ber!
Jonette: MTV, give it up for our resident mistress of rhyme, Lady Speed Stick!
Lady Speed Stick: Cause Lady Speed Stick controls the funk 24-7 hours a dizz-ay!
Britanica: Alright, so lets begin the tour. So basically this is it.
Lady Speed Stick: Yeah, its little, but its where we fiddle, yall.
Britanica: Yeah, its real small, cause see, because we are trying to overcome our monetary deficiencies, and watch ourselves from a financial perspective.
Jonette: Word. Thats also cause we broke like TLC.
Lady Speed Stick: Or Hammer. You saw Behind the Music?
Jonette: Yes, I did.
Britanica: We got a lot of overhead, like our designer wardrobes, hairdos
Jonette: Facials, salt water aquarium
Lady Speed Stick: Karate, pilates, looking for hotties
Jonette: Also, my dialect coach.
Britanica: Word, cause she from Scars-dale, but shes real sweet on the inside.
All: (singing in harmony) Sco-o-o-ottsd-a-a-a-le!
Britanica: White Girl!
Jonette: Okay, this is our living room, and its real special to us because its also the bedroom.
Britanica: See, the couch folds out into a bed.
Lady Speed Stick: Yeah. And you can sleep on it, too.
(Pan over to the minibar, which has various souvenirs on top of it)
Britanica: Right over here, yall, is the minibar, and also where we do our makeup, and where we display our collection from our worldwide European tour!
(Jonette holds up a piggy bank)
Jonette: Okay, this is a pig and a bank also, and its from Spain. You put coins in it; its real cool.
(Lady Speed Stick holds up a Russian stacking doll)
Lady Speed Stick: This right here is a Russian doll from China that has other dolls inside her. (opens it to reveal the other dolls inside) Its a trick.
Britanica: Word, we also got fragrance and Merit ultra lights from Duty Free in Italy.
Jonette: We got Duty Free yall!
All: (chanting) Duty-duty duty-free What! Duty-duty duty free Ha-ey!
(Pan over to the intercom)
Britanica: Ooh! Check it out yall, we got an intercom
Jonette: We got intercoms, yall! This is where we chop it up with all the delivery guys, yo!
Lady Speed Stick: (talking to the intercom) Yo, wassup Little Caesar! Haha!
Britanica: Pizza Pizza! Okay, now its time for one of our fav-or-ite areas the kitchenette!
Jonette: Yeah, cause Geminis Twin like to eat FOOD!
All: WHAT, WHAT!
Britanica: Lets see whats in the refrigerator, yo. Open sesame!
Jonette: (singing the tune to Kung Fu Fighting) Da-na-na-na na nuh-na-na-na!
(The fridge is opened, the various food items inside are shown)
Jonette: Okay, we got lots of nutritious foods cause we like to eat balanced.
Britanica: Yeah, like heres some Kraft Singles, fish sticks, goober grape peanut butter with the jelly mixed in.
Jonette: We got cat food, gummy worms, orange soda, Arm & Hammer box to keep it fresh.
Lady Speed Stick: Cant Believe Its Not Butter, Bacos, string cheese, Fruit Roll-Ups
Jonette: Ooh, this is my favorite from my house growin up; this sundried tomato spread from Williams Sonoma!
All: (singing in harmony) Williams Son-o-maaaa!
Lady Speed Stick: White People Food!
(closes fridge, pan over to a large, colourful painting)
Britanica: Check it out up here is our most prized possession of all, yall. Its a painting of the Gemini symbol.
Lady Speed Stick: Its very colourful and dramatized.
Britanica: Cause see, its where we get our inspiration, horoscopically.
Jonette: Because zodiologically speaking, the twins also remind us that we are three very powerful women.
Britanica: Word! Aight yall, before we go, we made up a little song for you, Gemini style. So why dont we kick it?
Britanica & Jonette: (singing)
Youll call up my nana and Carson Daly
Cause we cold getting down on MTV
You came to our crib, you see we got class
Cause we more bout it bout it than those fools on jackass
Jackass, jackass, jackass, jackass!
Lady Speed Stick: (rapping)
Check, Check one!
Im gonna get to the intros mighty quick
Johnette, Britanica and Lady Speed Stick
We are the Twins of Gemini
And we co-habitate on the Lower East Side
Lower East Side, you chilled and you kicked it
But the fun is over cause youre getting evicted
Scoot it out now, we just playin, MTV!
Scoot it out now, we love you MTV!
Scoot it out now, bye MTV!
(MTV Cribs bumper shown)
Submitted by: Ann*e Hussey