SNL Transcripts: Sean Hayes: 02/17/01: Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 26: Episode 12

00l: Sean Hayes / Shaggy

Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas

Joan Rivers…..Ana Gasteyer
Farrah Fawcett…..Chris Kattan
Pooja Baranji…..Rachel Dratch
Anna Nicole Smith…..Molly Shannon
Gayle King…..Maya Rudolph
Chyna…..Will Ferrell

Announcer: In the past three years, Eve Ensler’s hit play, “The Vagina Monologues”, has been performed all over the world by a rotating cast of hundreds of actresses, raising more than two million dollars for women’s charities. Now you can enjoy a show that’s kind of like that.

[ show’s title appears on screen ]

“Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas”. Performed by a collection of the most talented women never asked to do “The Vagina Monologues”. You’ll see Joan Rivers.

Joan Rivers: Owww! My vagina! The last time I went near my vagina, bats flew out! Can we talk? My vagina is so old, I could file it for a special at the gynecologist! Owww! Vaginas! Owww!

Announcer: “Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas” was not written by Eve Ensler. It is not for charity. These are just some ladies talking about their g-g’s to make a little cash.

Stars like Farrah Fawcett.

Farrah Fawcett: [ confused ] Y’all, my vagina.. what? [ looks off, then looks at heself, shocked ] My vagina is on medication.

Announcer: Indian film star Pooja Baranji.

Pooja Baranji: [ banging drum ] Green bajina, blue bajina, yellow bajina, purple bajina, ayyy-ayyy-ayyy-ayyy-ayy-ayyyyyi!

Announcer: You’ll see Anna Nicole Smith.

Anna Nicole Smith: I love my vagina, y’all, ’cause my vagina makes money, y’all! You know it! [ giggles ] It makes money!

[ SUPER: “NOT The Vagina Molologues” ]

Announcer: Once again, this is not Eve Ensler’s writing. This isn’t women’s libber stuff. Just world famous ladies talking about their genitals.

Including a very, very special appearance by Oprah Winfrey…’s friend Gayle.

Gayle King: Oprah’s vagina is a beautiful tiger lily. Oprah’s vagina is an inspiration to other vaginas. I have never seen it, but I imagine that it looks like sweet potato pie, and the future.

Announcer: And, World Wrestling Federation star Chyna.

Chyna: My vagina is powerful. My vagina gives me confidence when I feel it bunched up between my legs. I love my long, bony vagina.

[ other women look at Chyna strangely ]

Announcer: Look out, “Vagina Monologues”. There’s a new game in town. “Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas”. Hundreds of thousands of tickets still available.

Submitted by:Tony DuMont

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