SNL Transcripts: Sean Hayes: 02/17/01: Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 26: Episode 12

00l: Sean Hayes / Shaggy

Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas

Joan Rivers…..Ana Gasteyer
Farrah Fawcett…..Chris Kattan
Pooja Baranji…..Rachel Dratch
Anna Nicole Smith…..Molly Shannon
Gayle King…..Maya Rudolph
Chyna…..Will Ferrell

Announcer: In the past three years, Eve Ensler’s hit play, “The Vagina Monologues”, has been performed all over the world by a rotating cast of hundreds of actresses, raising more than two million dollars for women’s charities. Now you can enjoy a show that’s kind of like that.

[ show’s title appears on screen ]

“Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas”. Performed by a collection of the most talented women never asked to do “The Vagina Monologues”. You’ll see Joan Rivers.

Joan Rivers: Owww! My vagina! The last time I went near my vagina, bats flew out! Can we talk? My vagina is so old, I could file it for a special at the gynecologist! Owww! Vaginas! Owww!

Announcer: “Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas” was not written by Eve Ensler. It is not for charity. These are just some ladies talking about their g-g’s to make a little cash.

Stars like Farrah Fawcett.

Farrah Fawcett: [ confused ] Y’all, my vagina.. what? [ looks off, then looks at heself, shocked ] My vagina is on medication.

Announcer: Indian film star Pooja Baranji.

Pooja Baranji: [ banging drum ] Green bajina, blue bajina, yellow bajina, purple bajina, ayyy-ayyy-ayyy-ayyy-ayy-ayyyyyi!

Announcer: You’ll see Anna Nicole Smith.

Anna Nicole Smith: I love my vagina, y’all, ’cause my vagina makes money, y’all! You know it! [ giggles ] It makes money!

[ SUPER: “NOT The Vagina Molologues” ]

Announcer: Once again, this is not Eve Ensler’s writing. This isn’t women’s libber stuff. Just world famous ladies talking about their genitals.

Including a very, very special appearance by Oprah Winfrey…’s friend Gayle.

Gayle King: Oprah’s vagina is a beautiful tiger lily. Oprah’s vagina is an inspiration to other vaginas. I have never seen it, but I imagine that it looks like sweet potato pie, and the future.

Announcer: And, World Wrestling Federation star Chyna.

Chyna: My vagina is powerful. My vagina gives me confidence when I feel it bunched up between my legs. I love my long, bony vagina.

[ other women look at Chyna strangely ]

Announcer: Look out, “Vagina Monologues”. There’s a new game in town. “Talkin’ ‘Bout ‘Ginas”. Hundreds of thousands of tickets still available.

Submitted by:Tony DuMont

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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