Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 26: Episode 12
Sean Hayes’ Monologue
…..Sean Hayes
Fan…..Michael Schur
Sean Hayes: Thank you! Thank you very much! That’s very nice of you. Show’s over – thank you!
Uh.. I’m so excited to be hosting “Saturday Night Live”. It’s been a dream of mine, since I was, like, 12. And that’s when I first thought about what I would do when I finally got out here – which is, play the piano. Now, some of you may not know that I am a classically trained pianist. So I thought I’d like to perform a piece that’s probably very familair to a lot of you. I played it at my 7th grade recital, which I won a blue ribbon for. Thank you! So.. here goes.
[ sits at piano, starts to play what appears to be “Beetoven’s Fifth” ]
[ SNL Band breaks in to shift the music to Walter Murphy’s disco classic “A Fifth of Beetoven”; Sean stands up and boogies, alternating between finishing his piece and mingling with the audience. ]
[ Sean jumps on top of the piano and spins around ]
[ Sean shaves himself with an electric razor ]
[ Sean holds up a solved Rubik’s Cube ]
[ Sean signs autograph and poses with Fan ]
[ cell phone rings; Sean answers ]
Hello? Oh, hi! no, I’m not busy. Yeah, I’m just doing “Saturdy Night Live”. No, no, it’s live. Yeah, I’m on right now. No, turn on your TV. Yeah. No, no, Channel 4. Yeah, that’s me! Hey, yeah! Alright, you seeing it? Yeah, okay, great! Okay. Okay. Alright. Okay. Okee-doke. Okay. Alright. Alright, I’ll talk to you later. Yeah, I gotta go. Okay, bye bye.
[ finishes playing “A Fifth of Beetoven” on the piano ]
Thank you! We have a great show for you tonight – Shaggy is in the house, so stick around, we’ll be right back!
