SNL Transcripts: Conan O’Brien: 03/10/01


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 26: Episode 14

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

March 10th, 2001

Conan O’Brien

Don Henley


Max Weinburg

Becky Weinburg

Ben Affleck

Scott Wainio
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) Bush announces his new worry-free attitude.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.



Conan O’Brien’s MonologueSummary: Conan O’Brien shows clips of his writer’s cameo appearances from the 80’s, then takes Tract Morgan and a paramedic (Scott Wainio) downstairs for a tour of his talk show studio.


SubshackSummary: If you’re losing weight too fast, take a walk with Jared Fogel (Jimmy Fallon) to Subshack to put the pounds back on.


Cumberland FarmsSummary: With a little help from Eric Pearson (Conan O’Brien) and a fake moustache, Sully (Jimmy Fallon) and Denise (Rachel Dratch) score some beer.

Note: Ben Affleck’s character did not appear in the dress rehearsal.

Recurring Characters: Sully, Denise, Frank, Donny Bartalotti.


Moleculo: The Molecular ManSummary: Superhero Moleculo (Conan O’Brien) gives himself away by repeating his catch-phrase while assuming his mild-mannered disguise.


Napster HearingsSummary: Not only is Right Said Fred (Conan O’Brien) seeking copyright protection, he would also like a little something to eat.

Recurring Characters: Trent Lott, David Lee Roth.


Don Henley performs “Everything Is Different Now”Also Performed: 89d.

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeyNote: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey perform “Weekend Update” without any guest commentaries.


Taint-less TedSummary: A doctor (Conan O’Brien) informs patient Ted Brown (Horatio Sanz) that he’s lost his “taint”.


TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel invites viewers to “Find the Black People At The Knicks Game.”


VH-1 Diva-thonSummary: Diva Deandra Wells (Ana Gasteyer) causes a ruckus among the members of her back-up band.

Recurring Characters: Deandra Wells, Grodon Davis, Alan “Sticks” McRae, Donny Gordon, Lynda Lopez.

Democratic National CommitteeSummary: Marc Rich (Chris Kattan) discusses his financial woes.

Don Henley performs “The Heart Of The Matter”Note: When NBC reran the episode, this performance was replaced by a DeMarco Brothers sketch cut from dress rehearsal.

Sports CenturySummary: Early 20th Century boxer James “The Gentlemen Masher” Corcoran (Conan O’Brien) excelled at his sport until he agreed to spar with black competitors.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

DeMarco BrothersSummary: Kyle DeMarco (Chris Kattan), Sean DeMarco (Chris Parnell) and their cousin (Conan O’Brien) audition for Don Henley.

Recurring Characters: Kyle DeMarco, Sean DeMarco.

Note: This sketch aired in place of Don Henley’s second performance when the episode reran.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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