Wake Up Wakefield


Wake Up Wakefield

Megan…..Maya Rudolph
Sheldon…..Rachel Dratch
Samantha…..Julia Stiles
Randy…..Jimmy Fallon
Mr. Bangleon…..Horatio Sanz

Megan V/O: From Wakefield Middle School, it’s time for Wake Up Wakefield: fun facts and important announcements for the students of San Jose.

Megan: It’s 10:55, we are live from the audio/visual department here in room 312, what’s up? I’m your host Megan and this is my best friend and co-host, Sheldon.

Sheldon: Hey.

Megan: Alright, first off, I wanna give a shoutout to Jazz Times Ten from the jazz club for playing our theme song. You guys are awesome!

Sheldon: Yeah, that’s my buddy Mike Dusette on tenor sax. [Mike waves.] You guys sound tight, you rock.

Megan: Yeah. Hey, speaking of rocking, you all should check out Mr. Thomas Eenie’s computer class. We’re doin’ Photoshop this week, and you can do some really awesome stuff.

Sheldon: Yeah, like putting Randy Goldman’s face on everything.

Megan: [Unzips shirt to reveal another shirt with Randy’s head with hearts around it on it] This is just an art project, but if a guy like Randy Goldman saw it, and wanted to make out with me, he totally could.

Alright, now it’s time for our first guest, you can currently see her in our spring production of the musical “Hair”.

Sheldon: People, you really need to see this. This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.

Megan: Totally. Please welcome Samantha MacDonald!

[Band plays, Samantha enters and bows.]

Megan: Hey Samantha what’s up? So, tell us and the audience about the play that you’re in.

Samantha: It’s all about the sixties, when no one could cut their hair because of Vietnam.

Sheldon: I’ve seen all the rehearsals, it’s really edgy. Edgy stuff.

Megan: Yeah. Oh, I forgot to mention, Sheldon is also the stage manager. Hey Shel, how do you have so much time, on top of all the AV work we do, the math league, and now this?

Sheldon: Things are weird at home.

Megan: Great. Alright, now, Samantha, this is a very controversial play. Can you tell us about that?

Samantha: Yeah. At one point, we pretend that we’re naked.

Megan: Naked, embarrassing. And awesome Randy Goldman what!?! So, okay, please explain the part that you’ll be playing.

Samantha: I play a hippie, asking for spare change, and I play a Vietcong soldier. Mr. Hasney actually had to move me to the back because he said that I’m stealing the show.

Megan: Cool. Well, hopefully we’ll be able to hear a song from that show before first period [Interrupted by Mr. Bangleon] Mr. Bangleon, we’re taping!

Mr. Bangleon: Oh-ho-ho, I didn’t realize. Sorry kids. So-ah, how’s the broadcast going?

Megan: It’s going really good.

Sheldon: As you know, this is Mr. Bangleon, seventh grade guidance counselor, out homie, and a man you can go to with your problems if you think your parents might be getting a divorce.

Mr. Bangleon: Kids, just remember, come by my office and get your new anti-smoking posters. They’re really cool this year, not like the ones that have the old lady with the hole in her neck. This one has the Olsen twins on it. It’s real, it’s real dope. Yeah, it’s real dope, you guys. Alright, I’m Mr. B, I’m fresh out.

[Exits by moonwalking.]

Megan: Later Mr. B

Sheldon: See ya, Mr. B.

Samantha: Bye.

Mr. Bangleon: Little moonwalk for ya, there.

Megan: Awesome

Samantha: Yeah, you’re really cool.

Megan: Wow. Well, I guess that brings us to school announcements. [band plays] Alright. Samantha’s gonna help us out today, it’s gonna be really awesome.

Samantha: Ok, girls, at 1:00, there will be a mandatory showing of the film “What’s Happening To My Body?” in the Cafetorium. Boys will have free play.

Sheldon: And if you wanna play Frisbee-football, sign up with Randy Goldman.

Megan: RANDY GOLDMAN! He’s awesome!

Sheldon: Okay. Um, one more announcement, um, there’s a really big problem of people pushing other people into their lockers when their not looking, um, especially when they really need to get to their bus so they can get over to their accelerated math classes at the high school.

Samantha: Yeah, you guys, that’s really not cool. Leave Sheldon alone, he’s tiny.

Megan: Yeah. Okay, now’s our portion of the show where we just kick back and have mad fun and our guest gets to pick what we do.

Samantha: I wanna play “Who Would You Rather Kiss?”

Megan & Sheldon: NO!

Megan: Okay.

Samantha: Who would you rather kiss Sheldon, or Randy Goldman?

Megan: That’s a no-brainer, my future husband, Randy.

Sheldon: I just saw him in the hall. He said he’s coming by to return the video camera he checked out.

Megan: [panicking] No way when did he say that did he ask about me when’s he coming here, that’s cool, I don’t care.

[Randy enters, Megan stands up.]

Randy Goldman: Hey Sheldon, what’s up? Brought that camera back.

Sheldon: Cool, dude.

Megan: [trying to look cool] Oh, hey Randy. I didn’t even see you there because I wasn’t looking or anything I mean, I don’t even care. You’re awesome!

Randy Goldman: What’s up, Sharon Sharon?

[Randy exits, Megan squeaks, sits down.]

Samantha: Oh my god, did you see that? He was totally checking you out!

Megan: [overwhelmed] Really! Do you think so? He almost got my name right this time I can feel my heart pounding oh my god this is awesome I feel lightheaded!

[Sheldon picks up his lunchbag, takes out the sandwich inside, and hands the bag to Megan, who starts breathing in it.]

Megan: Thanks, Sheldon, I coulda died. Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Thanks for tuning in, you guys, thanks to Samantha.

Samantha: Yeah, go see Hair, four nights only. There’s still lots of tickets.

Sheldon: Signing off, I am Sheldon.

Megan: And I am the future Mrs. Randy Goldman. Hey Samantha, why don’t you take us out with a selection from Hair.

Samantha: I’d love to. [Band starts playing, Samantha sings] This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius, the age of Aquariuh-hus [Megan and Sheldon get up and start to sway/dance] Aquarius!

[Fade to black.]

Thanks to Mallory of My Jimmy Fallon Obsession for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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