Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 26: Episode 16
Reliable Investments
Investor…..Ana Gasteyer
Broker…..Alec Baldwin
Investor: I’m considering the Reliable Dividend Growth Fund. What can you tell me about it?
Broker: The Reliable Dividend Growth Fund invests in companies with potential for first-time or increasing dividends. We’ve found they’re often a signal for companies in pretty good shape.
Investor: Dividends as an indication of financial health. That’s smart. What can you tell me about midcap, and midcap funds? Does Reliable have a midcap fund?
Broker: Oh, Reliable’s midcap fund generally invests in companies valued between 1 and 15 billion.
Investor: Suppose I wanted to buy an indivudual midcap stock instead of a mutual fund?
Broker: Well, that would be possible, depending on performance. It would offset the risk of your stocks and your portfolio. [ opens his office window and peers out ]
Investor: So, great. I could buy the funds, or go right into a stock.
Broker: [ jumps out of his window, yet remains on the line ] Reliable is one of the largest on-line brokers. You can click into our Smart Screen and start trading today.
Investor: Is there a map of the market?
Broker: They have everything you need, including up-to-the-minute quotes.
Investor: Great. I think I’ve learned something!
Broker: It’s a great time to invest!
[ show Reliable Investments logo ]Announcer: To invest, call, click or visit Reliable.
[ sound of Broker landing on the ground with a thud ]