A Message from the President of the United States


A Message from the President of the United States

President George W. Bush…..Will Ferrell
Jenna Bush….Julia Stiles

President George W. Bush: I’m the President of the United States and I need a straight answer. Am I going to get the spy plane back? (Shakes magic 8 ball) “Ask again later!” You always do this to me, dammit! I’m the President!

(Intercom buzzes)

President George W. Bush: Yeah, what is it, Janet?

Voice of Janet: Sir, your daughter Jenna is here.

President George W. Bush: Send her in.

(Jenna Bush enters)

Jenna Bush: Hi Daddy!

President George W. Bush: Hey sweetie. (they hug) How are you doing? I was just attending to some very important foreign policy business. Now what’s this I hear about you getting in trouble down in Austin?

Jenna Bush: Oh, that, it was nothing. I was just hanging out at a bar with some friends and I got a ticket for underage drinking.

President George W. Bush: Now I am very disappointed in you. I got a lot of things to be thinking about with my new job. Heck, I just got finished with my first 100 days and I got 100 more to go! (laughs) I’m jokin’ around. I know that there’s three-hundred days in a year. But serious. I am serious here.

Jenna Bush: What is the big deal? I mean, I’m 19 and I drank a beer.

President George W. Bush: Well, in Texas they could put you to death for that.

Jenna Bush: Oh Daddy, gimme a break.

President George W. Bush: I mean, I don’t get it. You’re down in Texas, partyin’, thinkin’ everything is a big joke. I can’t believe you’re my daughter.

Jenna Bush: Of course I’m your daughter, Dad! Stop being so melodramaculous!

President George W. Bush: You’re the one being melodramaculous. Now I’m just trying to be compassionate. Now your mother and I are worried about you. She tells me your grades are slipping.

Jenna Bush: I have a 2.3.

President George W. Bush: 2.3! In Texas that’s legally drunk!

Jenna Bush: No, daddy, it’s my GPA.

(George W. Bush looks perplexed)

Jenna Bush: That’s Grade Point Average. A 2.3 is like a C plus.

President George W. Bush: C plus, that ain’t that bad! Hell, your mother’s overreacting. C plus! Hell, someone just earned a dinner at the Outback.

Jenna Bush: Really, Oh, the Outback? You’re not disappointed in me?

President George W. Bush: Heck no, heck no. In fact, come a little closer, let me tell you a story, tell you a little story about a guy with a C minus average, who was a failure in business, who was just fartin’ around down in Texas. Partyin’, drinkin’, doin’ blow. You know what happened to that guy?

Jenna Bush: No, what?

President George W. Bush: He went to jail, ’cause he was poor and Mexican.

(They laugh)

President George W. Bush: But there was another guy doing the same stuff. But his dad was in charge of the CIA, then vice-president, then president. Do you know what happened to him?

Jenna Bush: I think I do.

President George W. Bush: He became president. I’m talking about me.

Jenna Bush: Do you think I could be president some day?

President George W. Bush: Well you never know. Maybe you’ll one day sit here and say:

Together: “¬°En Vivo Desde Nueva York, es Sabado En La Noche!

Thanks to Elizabeth Cross for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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