SNL Transcripts: Christopher Walken: 05/19/01: Christopher Walken’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 26: Episode 20

00t: Christopher Walken / Weezer

Christopher Walken’s Monologue

…..Christopher Walken
…..Jimmy Fallon
Dancing Girls…..Rachel Dratch, Ana Gasteyer, Molly Shannon, Tina Fey

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Christopher Walken!

Christopher Walken: Thank you. It’s good, as always, to be here. It’s a treat. But this time, it’s extra special because it’s the final show of the season. After how many shows, Jimmy? 505, actually. 505, Wow! I’ve done it five times – what’s that? A drop in the bucket. So I thought, “What can I do to make my mark?” And then, I thought, “Well, I’ll sing a song.”

[ singing ]

“Things have come to a pretty pass
Our romance is growing flat
For you like this and the other
While I go for this and that
Goodness knows where the end will be
Or I don’t know where it’s at.
It looks as if we two will never be one
Something must be done.
You say potato, and I say potato
You say tomato, and I say tomato
Potato, potato
Tomato, tomato
Let’s – “

Jimmy Fallon: Chris?

Christopher Walken: Jimmy, wazzup!

Jimmy Fallon: Sorry to interrupt. I don’t know if that’s how the song goes.

Christopher Walken: What do you mean?

Jimmy Fallon: You’re singing the words the same. You have to say, likw, tomayto, tomahto. Tomahto, potahto.

Christopher Walken: Tomahto? What’s that?

Jimmy Fallon: It’s just how they say it.

Christopher Walken: Okay, I’ll give it a try.

[ singing ]

“You say potahto, I say potahto
You say totahto, I say totahto
Tomahto, potahto
Potahto, potahto, tomahto, tomahto -“

Jimmy Fallon: Chris, I’m so sorry. You’re doing it the other way now. And I think you have to alternate them.

Christopher Walken: Alternate, shmaltermate! Jimmy, look, they’re all spelled the same on the cards. What do you want from my life?

Jimmy Fallon: I think you’re supposed to go – potayto, potahto..

Christopher Walken: Jim, how old are you?

Jimmy Fallon: I’m 26.

Christopher Walken: Ouch! Look, son.. sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Let me show you. And a-one, and a-two –

[ singing ]

“I say potayto, and I say potayto
You say tomayto, and I say tomayto
Potayto, potayto
Tomayto, tomayto
Let’s call the whole thing off.
But, oh, if we call the whole thing off, and we must part
And, oh, if we ever part
Then that might break my heart.

So if you like pajamas, and I like pajamas
I’ll wear pajamas, and give up pajamas
For we know we need each other
So we better call the whole thing off
Let’s call the whole thing
Let’s call the whole thing –
Let’s not call the whole thing o-o-off
Let’s not call the whole thing off!”

We’ve got a wonderful show – Weezer is here!

[ singing ]

“You say Weezer, and I say Wizer
Weezer, wizer -“

Stick around, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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