Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 26: Episode 12
Dad #1…..Will Ferrell
Dad #2…..Chris Parnell
Dad #3…..Tracy Morgan
Announcer: Do you suffer from inexplicable anxiety?
Are you confused and upset?
Do you have an overwhelming feeling that you’ve done something wrong?[ dissolve into flashback of Boy #1 twirling a baton in an empty gym ]
Boy #1: Hi, Dad! This is called a Double Susie!
Announcer: You can’t control whatever he is or isn’t. But you can control how it affects you. Homocil can provide relief for parental anxiety disorder. Homocil can help.[ show Boy #2 running effeminately with a volleyball at a school gym]
Boy #2: Hi, Mommy![ Mom waves back weakly, her eyes to the floor in shame ]
Announcer: If you’re obsessed about things you can’t change.. If you are unable to cope with unforeseen developments..[ Dad #2 opens Boy #3’s bedroom, to find his son holding up a sparkly tank top ]
Boy #3: Look what I made! Isn’t it fabulous![ Dad #2 closes door and breaks down in a sobbing mess in the hallway ]
Announcer: If you avoid prolonged contact with your children, due to these overwhelming anxieties..[ Boy #4 enters living room wearing apron, holding out a platter of food ]
Boy #4: Who wants crème brûlée?[ Dad #3 grabs the bottle of Homocil pills and chugs it down. He chases the pills with a bottle of Budweiser.]
Announcer: When taken regularly, Homocil dramatically decreases parental anxiety.[ shows boys playing basketball; cuts to Boy #4 performing as a male cheerleader amongst female cheerleaders ] [ cut to Dad in the crowd smiling painfully and near-catatonic, giving a forced thumbs-up to his kid ]
Announcer: Homocil. Until you come around.[ show Mom hugging Boy #2 ]
Because it’s your problem. Not theirs.