Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 27: Episode 2
October 6th, 2001
Seann William Scott
Chevy Chase A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: Regarding the 9/11 attacks, President George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) advises Osama bin Laden: “You screwed up big time.”
Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.
MontageNote: Ben Stiller was originally scheduled months in advance to host this episode, but his publicists tried to get Marci Klein to move him up to the season premiere so he could promote an earlier release for “Zoolander.” Presuming Stiller was trying to cancel his hosting gig because he didn’t think he could be funny so soon after the 9/11 attacks, Klein disinvited him altogether.
Note: Seann William Scott was originally scheduled to host the next episode.
Seann William Scott’s MonologueSummary: Seann William Scott presents footage of semen scenes in classic Hollywood films his ancestors starred in.
Law & Order: Parking Violations UnitSummary: The latest incarnation of “Law & Order” focuses on some of the lesser crimes of the suburban area.
Jeffrey’sSummary: More customer insults from the stuck-up clothing emporium clerks (Jimmy Fallon, Seann William Scott).
Recurring Characters: Clerk, Burly Customer, Supervisor.
Emmy Awards Pre-ShowSummary: Joan Rivers (Ana Gasteyer) speaks out at the dressed-down festivities.
Recurring Characters: Steve Kmetko, Joan Rivers, Calista Flockhart, Della Reese, Garry Shandling, Camryn Manheim, Walter Cronkite.
Note: This sketch appeared as the cold opening in dress rehearsal.
Jarret’s RoomSummary: Jarret (Jimmy Fallon) and Gobi (Horatio Sanz) return for a new semester of college hijinks by showing off some bad yearbook photos.
Recurring Characters: Jarret, Gobi, Jeff, DJ Jonathan Feinstein.
Sum41 performs “Fat Lip”
Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Tina Fey delivers a Visceral Editorial about Israel. Tracy Morgan says that he’s in favor of racial profiling. Tina Fey is attacked by the infamous Land Shark (Chevy Chase).
Recurring Characters: Land Shark.
Patriotic ShortsSummary: Office workers are allowed to wear flag-themed clothing as a display of patriotism, but Dale McGrew (Will Ferrell) takes it too far when he shows up wearing a tiny pair of flag speedos.
Recurring Characters: Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez.
The How Do You Say? Ah Yes, ShowSummary: Antonio Banderas (Chris Kattan) tries to use his wily charms on Paula Zahn (Amy Poehler).
Recurring Characters: Antonio Banderas, Senor Guadalupe Ramirez, Paula Zahn.
Note: This sketch was last from last week’s dress rehearsal with Reese Witherspoon playing Paula Zahn.
My Big Thick NovelSummary: Jack Handey reads from a chapter in which his character is hit with a blowdart.
Sum41 performs “In Too Deep”
The Approval CenterSummary: Deadbeats are approved for anything and everything, without even fully understanding the circumstances.
My Girlfriend the Porn StarSummary: Sara (Amy Poehler) comes clean to her boyfriend (Seann William Scott) and admits that she makes porn movies for a living.