SNL Transcripts: Seann William Scott: 10/06/01



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 27: Episode 2


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


October 6th, 2001

Seann William Scott

Sum41

None

Chevy Chase
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: Regarding the 9/11 attacks, President George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) advises Osama bin Laden: “You screwed up big time.”

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.

Transcript

MontageNote: Ben Stiller was originally scheduled months in advance to host this episode, but his publicists tried to get Marci Klein to move him up to the season premiere so he could promote an earlier release for “Zoolander.” Presuming Stiller was trying to cancel his hosting gig because he didn’t think he could be funny so soon after the 9/11 attacks, Klein disinvited him altogether.

Note: Seann William Scott was originally scheduled to host the next episode.

Seann William Scott’s MonologueSummary: Seann William Scott presents footage of semen scenes in classic Hollywood films his ancestors starred in.

Transcript

Law & Order: Parking Violations UnitSummary: The latest incarnation of “Law & Order” focuses on some of the lesser crimes of the suburban area.

Transcript

Jeffrey’sSummary: More customer insults from the stuck-up clothing emporium clerks (Jimmy Fallon, Seann William Scott).

Recurring Characters: Clerk, Burly Customer, Supervisor.

Transcript

Emmy Awards Pre-ShowSummary: Joan Rivers (Ana Gasteyer) speaks out at the dressed-down festivities.

Recurring Characters: Steve Kmetko, Joan Rivers, Calista Flockhart, Della Reese, Garry Shandling, Camryn Manheim, Walter Cronkite.

Note: This sketch appeared as the cold opening in dress rehearsal.

Transcript

Jarret’s RoomSummary: Jarret (Jimmy Fallon) and Gobi (Horatio Sanz) return for a new semester of college hijinks by showing off some bad yearbook photos.

Recurring Characters: Jarret, Gobi, Jeff, DJ Jonathan Feinstein.

Transcript

Sum41 performs “Fat Lip”

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina FeySummary: Tina Fey delivers a Visceral Editorial about Israel. Tracy Morgan says that he’s in favor of racial profiling. Tina Fey is attacked by the infamous Land Shark (Chevy Chase).

Recurring Characters: Land Shark.

Transcript

Patriotic ShortsSummary: Office workers are allowed to wear flag-themed clothing as a display of patriotism, but Dale McGrew (Will Ferrell) takes it too far when he shows up wearing a tiny pair of flag speedos.

Recurring Characters: Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez.

Transcript

The How Do You Say? Ah Yes, ShowSummary: Antonio Banderas (Chris Kattan) tries to use his wily charms on Paula Zahn (Amy Poehler).

Recurring Characters: Antonio Banderas, Senor Guadalupe Ramirez, Paula Zahn.

Note: This sketch was last from last week’s dress rehearsal with Reese Witherspoon playing Paula Zahn.

Transcript

My Big Thick NovelSummary: Jack Handey reads from a chapter in which his character is hit with a blowdart.

Transcript

Sum41 performs “In Too Deep”

The Approval CenterSummary: Deadbeats are approved for anything and everything, without even fully understanding the circumstances.

Transcript

My Girlfriend the Porn StarSummary: Sara (Amy Poehler) comes clean to her boyfriend (Seann William Scott) and admits that she makes porn movies for a living.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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