Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 27: Episode 2
The How Do You Say? Ah Yes, Show
Antonio Banderas…..Chris Kattan
Paula Zahn…..Amy Poehler
Guitar Guy 1…..Jimmy Fallon
Antonio Banderas: Hello.I’m Antonio Banderas. I am-actor. Welcome to the– How do say?– ah yes- show. This is my first show back, in several weeks.When the network asked me to come back to work, i did not know how to do the response.and with all this crazy stuff going around and trying to catch the evil, evil Dalai lama– In my head i think to myself how can i be this sexy?.I look the sexy, but i don’t feel the sexy.
Guitar guy 1: Sexy, you are sexy my friend, you are so the sexy.Guitar guy 2>Completely sexy.
Antonio Banderas: This is true. But before – before we continues, i must get together something off my very, very sexy chest.– I am not a military coup.But i know from playing the Zorro’s, that Zorro’s always believed that you look your enemy in the eye, you wear a mask, but you look in the eye and you make a “Z”, and you wqear a black blouse and a cape. This is what you must do.
Guitar guy1: Very sexy.
Antonio Banderas: Si. But for now we are going to change the show a little bit. We are going to talk to the peoples who do the hard news. Please welcome from the CNN-N-N-N-N news, The Paul Zahn.(Antonio Banderas stands up)
Antonio Banderas: Thank you for coming on this very not-sexy episode of me.
Paula Zahn: It’s a pleasure Antonio.
Antonio Banderas: No, Please, Thank You. Now i’ve been doing the research here for this thing. I read a — How do you say?– ah yes– Book. I also rented the “Rambo 2”, the “Private Benjamin”, the “Kramer versus Kramer”, “The Goonies” and “Zorro” for refreshment.
Antonio Banderas: (raises his hand) Question.
Paula Zahn: Ah, yes.
Antonio Banderas: How would you catch this terrible, terrible Dalai Lamas?
Paula Zahn: Well, Antonio I don’t believe you’re thinking of the Dalai Lama, but the fact is, this is going to be a long-term process. The military has been in—
Antonio Banderas: Wait a minutes here, hold your phones. I can’t help but notice your short skirt barely concealing your friendly wolf blitzers.
Paula Zahn: What are you talking about?
Antonio Banderas: I think i’m feeling the sexy.It’s getting hot in here, no?
Guitar guy 1: No, no don’t do it, it’s too sexy my friend, don’t do it.
Antonio Banderas: You’re right, it’s not time for a sexy
Paula Zahn: Now Donald Rumsfeld said..
Antonio Banderas: (stands up) But i must! (Opens his shirt)Ha!
Antonio Banderas: I’m sorry . Let’s talk about this. How do you say? oops. (Drops a book on the floor), I’m sorry could you please possibly pick that up for me?
Paula Zahn: Sure, I’ll get that for you.(stands up, and bends)
Antonio Banderas: Thank you very much. Freeze. Let me just take a mental polaroid of you. Click!, zzzzzch, ah, it came out to blury. One more.
Paula Zahn: (stands up) Did you just take a picture of my ass?. i am a journalist. Im a CNN anchor. I deal with Power Breakers and Dignitaries everyday. If i wanna be treated like a blonde piece of meat then i should have stayed at Fox News. You are ill-informed, sweaty and you stink like astro-glide and aftershave.
Antonio Banderas: (smiles) hahaha. It is very hot in here ,no?
Guitar guy 1: No, No, don’t do it , it’s too sexy, not today, manana,manana,not today
Antonio Banderas: Are you sure?, Not today?, Today?
Guitar guy 1: Please. There are children at home.
Antonio Banderas: But I must (takes off his shirt)(grabs Paula and hugs her)- Now is the time I give you 2 minutes and i give you the sex.
Paula Zahn: Freak!
Antonio Banderas: But I rented “The Goonies”! (Paula kicks Antonio)- I think i just coughed up my nards.
Guitar guy1: Cough up your nards, too sexy my friend, you’re too sexy.
Antonio Banderas: She’ll be back. For Paula Zahn, she’s like the Laverne, and I.. I’m like a Shirley. And together we will Schlemizl, Schlamazels and then we will have the sex incorporated, but you know what I’m saying. We will see you next time on the– How do you say?– ah yes!. Show.
Submitted by: Mayra