Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 27: Episode 2
The Approval Center
Client #1…..Horatio Sanz
Client #2…..Ana Gasteyer
Client #3…..Seann William Scott
Client #4…..Chris Kattan
Client #5…..Tracy Morgan
Client #1: Since I bankrupted, I can’t get approved for nothing!
Announcer V/O: Are you having a hard time getting approved?
Client #1: Yes! I said that!
Announcer V/O: Call the professionals at the Approval Center! We cna figure it out.. for you!
Client #1: They asked me a whole lot of stuff about things. [ a beat ] Now, I’m a-pproved![ stamp zooms onto screen: “Approved!” ]
Client #2: After the tornado, I felt stuck! Then I called the Apprival Center. They asked me osme things – like my first name, and my last name.. And now I’m approved![ stamp zooms onto screen: “Approved!” ]
Client #2: I can’t wait!
Client #3: I was trying to buy a fishing pole with a bad check. They said, “No way, Jose!” I tried to tell them that I needed it to fish with. They had me forcibly removed from the flea market. I was embarrassed for myself and my date. That’s when I called the Approval Center. When they answered the phone, they said, “Guess what?” And I said, “What?” And they said, “You’re approved!” And I said, “Awesome!” And then they said, “Okay, bye.” And I said, “Bye!”[ stamp zooms onto screen: “Approved!” ]
Client #3: Thanks, Approval Center! Yeah!
Client #4: I never even called.. and they still approved me! I don’t know what.. I’m approved for.. but I know it feels really, really, really, really good! Finally! I’m approved![ stamp zooms onto screen: “Approved!” ]
Client #5: I called the Approval Center, and they hooked me up! They just asked me a few questions, like “Do you want to be approved?” And I sai, “Yes!” And then they asked me, “Did you hear me ask you this question?” I said, “Yeah!” Then they said I was approved! Now my brother’s people will have to respect me! Because I was approved![ stamp zooms onto screen: “Approved!” ]
“When you’re in a rut
And you need a break!
Call the Approval Center!”
Announcer V/O: Not legally binding!