SNL Transcripts: Seann William Scott: 10/06/01: Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 27: Episode 2

01b: Seann William Scott / Sum41

Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit

Husband…..Will Ferrell
Wife…..Maya Rudolph
Policewoman…..Rachel Dratch
Tow Truck Driver…..Seann William Scott
Policeman…..Horatio Sanz
Adam Schiff…..Darrell Hammond
Assistant…..Amy Poehler
Man…..Tracy Morgan

Announcer: This fall on NBC, from the creator of “Law & Order”, “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”, and “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” comes..

[ Couple spots a parking ticket on their car’s windshield ]

Husband: Honey, look.

Wife: Oh, my God!

Husband: No! This isn’t happening to me!

Policewoman: It just did.

Announcer: “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit”. There’s a new kind of justice on the streets.

[ in second vignette, Policewoman spots a Tow Truck Driver getting ready to tow a vehicle ]

Policewoman: What do you think you’re doing?

Tow Truck Driver: I’m taking in this ’91 Honda.

Policewoman: This car’s got a minute left on the meter.

Tow Truck Driver: Do you see anyone with a shiny quarter in their hand? Nooooo. I’m towing it.

Policewoman: Where does it end, Kurt? Today, a guy’s got one minute. Tomorrow, what is it, two? Three? Where does it end, Kurt? Where does it end?

Announcer: “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit”

[ next vignette shows Policeman and Policewoman in their squad car ]

Radio: Yeah, 43, we got a double-parked Hyundai blocking a TGIFriday’s.

Policeman: 7-4. We’re on it.

Announcer: Marking the return of Steven Hill as D.A. Adam Schiff.

[ Adam Schiff is seen walking with his Assistant ]

Adam Schiff: They say he was parked 12 inches from the curb, he says it was 6 inches.

Assistant: He’s lying, Adam!

Adam Schiff: The jury’s gonna take one look at this guy, the city’s gonna be out $25 bucks. Let’s cut a deal.

Announcer: In a series critics call “almost better than the second spinoff”, and “not quite as good as the third.”

[ Policewoman spots a guy parking in a handicapped space ]

Policewoman: Sir, this space is reserved for handicapped parking.

Guy: Oh yeah, I know. [ walks away pretending to be limping ]

Announcer: “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit”. It’s time to pay up!

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