Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 27: Episode 2
Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit
Tow Truck Driver…..Seann William Scott
Adam Schiff…..Darrell Hammond
Announcer: This fall on NBC, from the creator of “Law & Order”, “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”, and “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” comes..[ Couple spots a parking ticket on their car’s windshield ]
Husband: Honey, look.
Wife: Oh, my God!
Husband: No! This isn’t happening to me!
Policewoman: It just did.
Announcer: “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit”. There’s a new kind of justice on the streets.
Policewoman: What do you think you’re doing?
Tow Truck Driver: I’m taking in this ’91 Honda.
Policewoman: This car’s got a minute left on the meter.
Tow Truck Driver: Do you see anyone with a shiny quarter in their hand? Nooooo. I’m towing it.
Policewoman: Where does it end, Kurt? Today, a guys got one minute. Tomorrow, what is it, two? Three? Where does it end, Kurt? Where does it end?
Announcer: “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit”
Radio: Yeah, 43, we got a double-parked Hyundai blocking a TGIFriday’s.
Policeman: 7-4. We’re on it.
Announcer: Marking the return of Steven Hill as D.A. Adam Schiff.
Adam Schiff: They say he was parked 12 inches from the curb, he says it was 6 inches.
Assistant: He’s lying, Adam!
Adam Schiff: The jury’s gonna take one look at this guy, the city’s gonna be out $25 bucks. Let’s cut a deal.
Announcer: In a series critics call “almost better than the second spinoff”, and “not quite as good as the third.”[ Policewoman spots a guy parking in a handicapped space ]
Policewoman: Sir, this space is reserved for handicapped parking.
Guy: Oh yeah, I know. [ walks away pretending to be limping ]
Announcer: “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit”. It’s time to pay up!