SNL Transcripts: Seann William Scott: 10/06/01: Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 27: Episode 2

01b: Seann William Scott / Sum41

Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit

Husband…..Will Ferrell
Wife…..Maya Rudolph
Policewoman…..Rachel Dratch
Tow Truck Driver…..Seann William Scott
Policeman…..Horatio Sanz
Adam Schiff…..Darrell Hammond
Assistant…..Amy Poehler
Man…..Tracy Morgan

Announcer: This fall on NBC, from the creator of “Law & Order”, “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”, and “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” comes..

[ Couple spots a parking ticket on their car’s windshield ]

Husband: Honey, look.

Wife: Oh, my God!

Husband: No! This isn’t happening to me!

Policewoman: It just did.

Announcer: “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit”. There’s a new kind of justice on the streets.

[ in second vignette, Policewoman spots a Tow Truck Driver getting ready to tow a vehicle ]

Policewoman: What do you think you’re doing?

Tow Truck Driver: I’m taking in this ’91 Honda.

Policewoman: This car’s got a minute left on the meter.

Tow Truck Driver: Do you see anyone with a shiny quarter in their hand? Nooooo. I’m towing it.

Policewoman: Where does it end, Kurt? Today, a guy’s got one minute. Tomorrow, what is it, two? Three? Where does it end, Kurt? Where does it end?

Announcer: “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit”

[ next vignette shows Policeman and Policewoman in their squad car ]

Radio: Yeah, 43, we got a double-parked Hyundai blocking a TGIFriday’s.

Policeman: 7-4. We’re on it.

Announcer: Marking the return of Steven Hill as D.A. Adam Schiff.

[ Adam Schiff is seen walking with his Assistant ]

Adam Schiff: They say he was parked 12 inches from the curb, he says it was 6 inches.

Assistant: He’s lying, Adam!

Adam Schiff: The jury’s gonna take one look at this guy, the city’s gonna be out $25 bucks. Let’s cut a deal.

Announcer: In a series critics call “almost better than the second spinoff”, and “not quite as good as the third.”

[ Policewoman spots a guy parking in a handicapped space ]

Policewoman: Sir, this space is reserved for handicapped parking.

Guy: Oh yeah, I know. [ walks away pretending to be limping ]

Announcer: “Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit”. It’s time to pay up!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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