Crossing Over with John Edwards
John Edwards…..Will Ferrell
Fran’s Friend…..Drew Barrymore
[ dissolve to set, John Edwards overlooking his audience ]
Announcer: From an early age, John Edward displayed remarkable psychic abilities, predictions and premonitions he couldn’t explain. At 15, a reading by a psychic changed his life. John was told what millions have witnessed. He can reunite people in the physical world with those that have.. crossed over.
John Edwards: Welcome to “Crossing Over”. Before we begin, I must stress again the importance of remembering the details that come from these sessions. Specifically, the things that don’t seem to make sense at first. It’s imperative that you remember everything I say. Okay. I think I’m ready. And.. I’m going over here.. in this direction.. right here. And someone over here, I’m getting a J. A J.. a woman with a J connection. Who’s got a woman with a J? [ no response ] Maybe K? K or J? A woman with a K or J. [ no response ] Or.. R? K, J, R.. or F.
Fran’s Friend: [ raises hand ] Oh! I know an F!
John Edwards: Okay. Okay, what’s the name?
Fran’s Friend: Fran.
John Edwards: And she passed recently?
No, she’s sitting right here.
John Edwards: Okay.. maybe it was Fran I was getting. Fran, did you have someone pass recently?
Fran: Yes, I did.
John Edwards: Okay. And did their name begin with a J or a K?
John Edwards: [ pause ] Or a P? Or a B?
John Edwards: T, L, Z or D?
John Edwards: Or.. S.. or W? A taller person.. name begins with a B.. or an H. [ no response ] B or a G?
Fran: No. I’m sorry.
John Edwards: Could be a man.. who owned an animal.. or saw an animal.. in the wild.. or in a zoo setting? [ pause ] It might have been a man with a TV or a radio.. in his apartment or his home.. or his office.. or his parents’ home.. or in a dormitory. Name begins with Y or M.. or C.. or an E..
Fran’s Friend: [ excited ] Ooh.. ooh! Evan! We knew an Evan!
Fran: Oh, which one was he?
Fran’s Friend: Oh, he worked with the other guy, the one with the moustache!
John Edwards: [ full of it ] I’m seeing a moustache. Is that a man with a moustache? A friend named Evan?
Fran’s Friend: Oh, yes! He was friends with Evan!
John Edwards: Yes. Yes. And he had a very long moustache, like a handlebar, like a Fu Manchu.
Fran’s Friend: No, it –
John Edwards: It’s shorter. It’s shorter. Like a Tom Selleck moustache. Or, even shorter, like a John Waters moustache.
Fran’s Friend: Not really..
John Edwards: [ getting angry ] Well, I’m seeing a moustache, are you calling me a liar?
Fran’s Friend: No. Keep going.
John Edwards: [ sighs ] Okay. I see him working.. with something.. his hands are holding.. a thing.. a.. a lantern.. [ quickly ] No, no, no! I take it back, that was dumb! That was dumb! He did hold a thing.. he did a hold a thing..
Fran’s Friend: Yes! He held a book, he was a teacher!
Fran: This is incredible!
John Edwards: A teacher. Okay, he was a teacher.. he was a teacher.. and, for some reason, I’m getting a school. Does that mean anything?
Fran: Yes! He taught at a school!
John Edwards: Yes. Yes, he taught hi-i-i-i.. s-s-s-sc.. he taught.. he was a teacher of f-f-f-.. Physics.
Fran’s Friend: No.
John Edwards: Phys Ed?
Fran’s Friend: No.
John Edwards: Physiology?
Fran’s Friend: No, he taught –
John Edwards: Sshhh! Ssshhh! Sshhhh! Finance? [ no response ] Phonics? [ no response ] Phy-philosophy! Philosophy! [ no response ] He taught people?
Fran’s Friend: Yes, he did. He taught a fishing course at the Learning Annex.
John Edwards: Okay, that’s not real teaching, I’m sorry. Okay, how am I supposed to get that? How am I supposed to get that? Okay, screw you guys, you guys are dead to me! Okay, screw you guys. Okay. I’m going over here now.. I see someone.. who ate food and drove a car..[ dissolve to show logo ] [ fade ]