SNL Transcripts: John Goodman: 11/03/01: EPT Home Pregnancy Test

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 27: Episode 4



01d: John Goodman / Ja Rule

EPT Home Pregnancy Test

Senior…..Seth Meyers
Co-ed…..Amy Poehler

[ open on Senior and Co-ed sitting on couch, talking to the camera ]

Co-ed: I’m pretty anxious about it.

Senior: Me, too.

[ SUPER: “These are real people – not actors – about to find out if they’re having a baby” ]

Senior: I think I’m more nervous than Karen.

Co-ed: Kelly.

Senior: Kelly.

Co-ed: We met two weeks ago. At a bar.

Senior: Playing darts. [ nervous, sees her sweatshirt ] Do you go to Michigan?

Co-ed: My boyfriend does. [ sighs ] I, uh.. I think it’s gonna be okay, I –

[ cell phone rings, he answers it ]

Senior: Stradley? Hey! Uh.. Curt Warner, and Randy Moss..

Co-ed: Could we.. focus on this?

Senior: Later. [ hangs up ] Sorry. I’m missing my fantasy football draft. This isn’t a good time, with finals and everything..

Co-ed: Yeah. I’ve got Dave Matthews tickets in January.

Senior: Cool!

Co-ed: Yeah.

Senior: I think I can do this. You know, fatherhood is gonna be different, but –

Co-ed: [ holding the pregnancy test in her hand ] Oh, God, I’m not pregnant!

Senior: Oh! Awesome, awesome!

Together: Yay!!

Senior: [ leans over, almost for a kiss ] Uh.. my jacket. [ grabs jacket next to co-ed ] So, uh.. I’ll call you?

Co-ed: That’s okay. You don’t have to.

[ show product ]

Co-ed: I’m so psyched I’m not gonna get fat!

[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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