Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 27: Episode 4
EPT Home Pregnancy Test
[ open on Senior and Co-ed sitting on couch, talking to the camera ]
Co-ed: I’m pretty anxious about it.
Senior: Me, too.
[ SUPER: “These are real people – not actors – about to find out if they’re having a baby” ]
Senior: I think I’m more nervous than Karen.
Co-ed: We met two weeks ago. At a bar.
Senior: Playing darts. [ nervous, sees her sweatshirt ] Do you go to Michigan?
Co-ed: My boyfriend does. [ sighs ] I, uh.. I think it’s gonna be okay, I –
[ cell phone rings, he answers it ]
Senior: Stradley? Hey! Uh.. Curt Warner, and Randy Moss..
Co-ed: Could we.. focus on this?
Senior: Later. [ hangs up ] Sorry. I’m missing my fantasy football draft. This isn’t a good time, with finals and everything..
Co-ed: Yeah. I’ve got Dave Matthews tickets in January.
Senior: I think I can do this. You know, fatherhood is gonna be different, but –
Co-ed: [ holding the pregnancy test in her hand ] Oh, God, I’m not pregnant!
Senior: Oh! Awesome, awesome!
Senior: [ leans over, almost for a kiss ] Uh.. my jacket. [ grabs jacket next to co-ed ] So, uh.. I’ll call you?
Co-ed: That’s okay. You don’t have to.
[ show product ]
Co-ed: I’m so psyched I’m not gonna get fat!
[ fade to black ]