Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 27: Episode 4
Hudson Valley Community Circuit
Dr. Keith Vester…..Dan Aykroyd
Al Gezzera…..Horatio Sanz
Sheila Kyda…..Ana Gasteyer
Al Kyda…..Will Ferrell
Tallulah Bands…..Rachel Dratch
Samuel L. Freelock…..Darrell Hammond
Dr. Keith Vester: Good evening, and welcome to Hudson Valley Community Circuit. I’m Dr. Keith Vester. Today, we have with us some people from the region who claim they are suffering a serious erosion in their business since the attack on our country. Hello. [ everyone says hello ] So, what town in the valley are you all from?
Al Kyda: Mt. Arab.
Dr. Keith Vester: [ pause ] Alright. And who are you, sir?
Al Gezzera: Al.
Dr. Keith Vester: Al..?
Al Gezzera: My name is Al Gezzera. I’m President of Al Gezzera Dodge-Plymouth Misubishi.
Dr. Keith Vester: You’re an auto dealer?
Al Gezzera: Not after 2 AM tomorrow morning. When the country receiver repossesses my stock of cars.
Dr. Keith Vester: Out of business. You haven’t sold a car all month. And, you folks?
Sheila Kyda: Sheila and Al Kyda.
Al Kyda: Kyda. I’m actually third-generation Czech-American.
Dr. Keith Vester: So, Sheila and Al Kyda. And you do business as?
Sheila Kyda: The Kyda Trading Network.
Dr. Keith Vester: And you’re having trouble selling..?
Al Kyda: Used Persian rugs.
Dr. Keith Vester: [ turns to other side ] And your name?
Tallulah Bands: Tallulah Michelle Bands – my friends call me Tally!
Dr. Keith Vester: Business?
Tallulah Bands: Tally Bands Candy & Cakes!
Dr. Keith Vester: No sale?
Tallulah Bands: Well, uh.. my partner is offering to buy me out.
Dr. Keith Vester: And what’s her name?
Tallulah Bands: Kathy Ann McKenna.
Dr. Keith Vester: She’ll probably do okay. [ looks at young men seated next to her ] And, uh.. you two. What’s the story?
Tony: Yeah, I’m Tony, this is Ron. We’re dealers.
Dr. Keith Vester: [ confused ] In what?
Tony & Ron: Afghan hash!
Dr. Keith Vester: And you’re out of business, too?
Ron: Oh, no, no, no! Actually, we’re doing great, and supply is tight and prices are up. We got a couple bricks from our summer tour to Kabul, so we’re set!
Tony: Yeah, yeah. We just came to help out.
Ron: We gave a ride over here to Al Gezzera, and Sheila and Al Kyda, Tally Bands in our new Lincoln Blackwood.
Dr. Keith Vester: And, over here to my right?
Samuel L. Freelock: Yes, sir! My name is Samuel L. Freelock! But like Charles Durning, I’m only 52, but I look 70, so everyone calls me Old Sammy!
Dr. Keith Vester: Old Sammy?
Samuel L. Freelock: Yes, sir!
Dr. Keith Vester: And, might I inquire, sir, what is the nature of your business?
Samuel L. Freelock: Well, I manufacture custom-made scoops for the bulk retail cereal and confections trade! Yes, I do!
Dr. Keith Vester: And.. the name of your company?
Samuel L. Freelock: Old Sammy’s Bin Ladles! [ chortles ]
Al Gezzera: Uh.. please.. I’d like everyone to know the spelling of my name is G-E-Z-Z, I don’t have the word “gizz” in my last name.
Tallulah Bands: He’s been saying that since high school! [ laughs ]
Dr. Keith Vester: We’ve been talking with some people from Mt. Arab, New York. Up next, we’ll be diping in the valley mailbag. Let’s see.. [ grabs letter ] ..here’s one from Mark Albert Lechman. He writes us from the Pennsylvania region, from the historic coal-mining town of Anthracite. [ opens letter, spilling white powder ]
[ the guests run from the studio ]
[ fade ]