SNL Transcripts: Derek Jeter: 12/01/01

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

December 1st, 2001

Derek Jeter


Bubba Sparxxx

David Wells

David Cone

  • A Message From the Attorney-General of the United States

    John Ashcroft lists signs that someone might be a terrorist.

    Recurring Characters: John Ashcroft, President George W. Bush.

  • Derek Jeter’s Monologue

    Jeter injures audience members by hitting baseballs into the studio.

  • Preparation H

    (Repeat) See: 09/29/01.

  • The Iglesias Brothers

    Older, uglier Iglesius brother (Jeter) joins in on album.

  • Baseball Wives

    Wives of Yankee ballplayers gab in the stands.

  • The Masseuse

    Jeter is too tense to enjoy session with masseuse (Chris Kattan).

  • Dissing Your Dog

    Dogs learn who’s master of the house with new video help series.

  • Derek Jeter’s Taco Hole

    During off-season, Jeter sells tacos.

  • Dealing With Mom & Dad

    Jeter helps family’s son (Chris Kattan) play better baseball through violence.

  • Shakira performs “Whenever, Wherever”

  • Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey

    Jeter in Point/Counterpoint with Red Sox fan Seth Meyers.

  • Osama Pep Talk

    Taliban wants the $25 million for Osama bin Laden’s (Will Ferrell) head.

  • The Perm

    Everyone laughs at Glen’s (Jeter) outdated, unstylish perm.

  • Bubba Sparxxx performs “Ugly” & “Lovely”

  • Season’s Greetings From “Saturday Night Live”

    Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan update Christmas ditty.

  • My Big Thick Novel

    Author acknowledges bizarre breeding for reproductive purposes.

  • Goodnights

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