SNL Transcripts: Hugh Jackman: 12/08/01: Superman’s Fortress of Solitude

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 27: Episode 8

01h: Hugh Jackman / Mick Jagger

Superman’s Fortress of Solitude

Superman….Hugh Jackman
Jor-El….Will Ferrell
Superman’s mom….Maya Rudolph
Superman’s Grandma….Rachel Dratch

[Opens with a shot of the icy fortress of solitude inthe North Pole. Superman goes in and stands in frontof a bunched up ice made crystals in a podium]

Superman: Finally, after a lifetime of wondering Iwill discover the secrets of my past. With thiscrystal the mystery of my true identity will berevealed.

[Pushes crystal into the podium, a big face of a whitehaired man appears. Heroic music plays]

Jor-El: My son. You do not remember me. I am Jor-El. Iam your father.

Superman: Father!

Jor-El: As time is measured on earth I have been deadfor many thousands of years.

Superman: Who am I?

Jor-El: You are Kal-El. The last son of Krypton.Defender of the light that is truth and justice.

Superman: Father, I have so many questions.

Jor-El: And together we shall find the answers. All myknowledge, all my wisdom are stored in this crystals Ibequeath to you. My only son.

[Heroic music stops. Awkward pause]

Jor-El: So, how’s it going?

Superman: Fine.

Jor-El: That’s good.

Superman: How are you?

Jor-El: Great.

Superman: Cool.

Jor-El: You need any money?

Superman: No, no. I’m all right.

Jor-El: Good.

Superman: Thanks, though.

Jor-El: Sure.[long uncomfortable pause]You’re motherwants to say hello.

Superman: Oh, cool.

[Jor-El goes away, big face of Superman’s mom appears,heroic music plays]

Superman’s Mom: My dear Kal-El. As time is measured onearth….

Superman: Yeah, dad already told me that, mom.

[Heroic music stops]

Superman’s Mom: Oh, so how are you sweetie?

Superman: Fine.

Superman’s Mom: You’re so grown up. And colorful.

Superman: What’s that supposed to mean?

Superman’s Mom: Oh, nothing, nothing. So, do you haveany friends?

Superman: Friends? Yeah, Lois Lane.

Superman’s Mom: Oh, you have agirlfriend.[relieved]Thank God.

Superman: No, mom, mom, mom. She’s not really mygirlfriend.

Superman’s Mom: Oh.

Superman: Yeah, we’re just buddies, we’re just buddieslike Jimmy Olsen, this teenage kid I hang out with.

Superman’s Mom:[distressed]Oh…

Superman: What?

Superman’s Mom: Nothing, nothing, no, nothing Ijust…here, your father wants to say something.

[Angry whispering between the two big heads ofSuperman’s parents]

Jor-El: Hey, son.

Superman: Hey, dad.

Jor-El: So, what else? Do you have a dog?

Superman: No, no. I’m thinking of getting one though.

Jor-El: Good. Great. You should. Well, anyway I betterlet you go.

Superman: Say good-bye to mom.

Jor-El: You bet.

Superman: Ok, bye dad.

Jor-El: Oh, Kal-El?

Superman: Yeah?

Jor-El: Nothing. See ya.

Superman: Ok, bye.

[Jor-El’s face disappears. Superman puts anothercrystal into the podium. An old white haired lady’sbig face appears]

Superman’s Grandma: Hi, Kal-El!

Superman:[bored]Hi, grandma.

Superman’s Grandma: Listen, I was just thinking….

[Superman’s Grandma keeps talking engaging Superman inanother pointless, boring family conversation]


[Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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