Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 27: Episode 8
Superman’s Fortress of Solitude
Superman’s mom….Maya Rudolph
Superman’s Grandma….Rachel Dratch
[Opens with a shot of the icy fortress of solitude inthe North Pole. Superman goes in and stands in frontof a bunched up ice made crystals in a podium]
Superman: Finally, after a lifetime of wondering Iwill discover the secrets of my past. With thiscrystal the mystery of my true identity will berevealed.[Pushes crystal into the podium, a big face of a whitehaired man appears. Heroic music plays]
Jor-El: My son. You do not remember me. I am Jor-El. Iam your father.
Jor-El: As time is measured on earth I have been deadfor many thousands of years.
Superman: Who am I?
Jor-El: You are Kal-El. The last son of Krypton.Defender of the light that is truth and justice.
Superman: Father, I have so many questions.
Jor-El: And together we shall find the answers. All myknowledge, all my wisdom are stored in this crystals Ibequeath to you. My only son.[Heroic music stops. Awkward pause]
Jor-El: So, how’s it going?
Jor-El: That’s good.
Superman: How are you?
Jor-El: You need any money?
Superman: No, no. I’m all right.
Superman: Thanks, though.
Jor-El: Sure.[long uncomfortable pause]You’re motherwants to say hello.
Superman: Oh, cool.
Superman’s Mom: My dear Kal-El. As time is measured onearth….
Superman: Yeah, dad already told me that, mom.[Heroic music stops]
Superman’s Mom: Oh, so how are you sweetie?
Superman’s Mom: You’re so grown up. And colorful.
Superman: What’s that supposed to mean?
Superman’s Mom: Oh, nothing, nothing. So, do you haveany friends?
Superman: Friends? Yeah, Lois Lane.
Superman’s Mom: Oh, you have agirlfriend.[relieved]Thank God.
Superman: No, mom, mom, mom. She’s not really mygirlfriend.
Superman’s Mom: Oh.
Superman: Yeah, we’re just buddies, we’re just buddieslike Jimmy Olsen, this teenage kid I hang out with.
Superman’s Mom: Nothing, nothing, no, nothing Ijust…here, your father wants to say something.[Angry whispering between the two big heads ofSuperman’s parents]
Jor-El: Hey, son.
Superman: Hey, dad.
Jor-El: So, what else? Do you have a dog?
Superman: No, no. I’m thinking of getting one though.
Jor-El: Good. Great. You should. Well, anyway I betterlet you go.
Superman: Say good-bye to mom.
Jor-El: You bet.
Superman: Ok, bye dad.
Jor-El: Oh, Kal-El?
Jor-El: Nothing. See ya.
Superman: Ok, bye.[Jor-El’s face disappears. Superman puts anothercrystal into the podium. An old white haired lady’sbig face appears]
Superman’s Grandma: Hi, Kal-El!
Superman’s Grandma: Listen, I was just thinking….[Superman’s Grandma keeps talking engaging Superman inanother pointless, boring family conversation] [Fade] [Cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel