Family Vacation


01i: Ellen Degeneres / No Doubt

Family Vacation

Mom…..Ellen Degeneres
Dad…..Will Ferrell
Daughter…..Rachel Dratch
Son…..Jimmy Fallon

[ open on family in car, driving to a Christmas vacation ]

Mom: Hmm.. this was such a good idea.

Dad: Well, you know, I thought everyone was feeling tense. Why not just get out of the city and enjoy?

Mom: I can feel it. The further away we get from the city, the more my stress just melts off.

Son: Pretty cool, Dad!

Daughter: Yeah, this is gonna be fun!

Dad: Hey, the Jurnsbachs get to have fun every once in a while, right?

Kids: Jurnsbachs!!

Mom: Larry didn’t mind you taking the week off?

Dad: No, no, he wasn’t happy about it, but what the hell? I’ve got eight weeks of vacation – I’ve gotta use it sometime, right?

Mom: It’s true. I can hardly wait ’til we get there, I’m hitting the slopes right away.

Daughter: Me, too!

Mom: [ thinking suddenly ] You turned off the coffee, didn’t you?

[ thrilling musical fanfare, as coffee pot is shown dripping ]

Dad: Yep.. I think I did..

[ show coffee pot dripping ]

Dad: I’m sure I did.

Mom: I know you did. Of course you did!

Dad: I did!

Mom: Good!

Dad: [ thinking ] You locked the back door, right?

[ thrilling musical fanfare, as back door is shown wide open ]

Mom: I thought you locked it?

[ show back door wide open ]

Dad: No.. I locked the front door – you said you had the back door.

[ show back door wide open ]

Mom: I probably locked it.

Dad: I know you did.

Son: You guys worry too much!

Dad: [ playfully ] Hey, when you get a house and a hefty mortgage, you’ll worry, too!

[ Son laughs and plays with Dad’s ears, but is swatted at ]

Mom: That’s right, kiddo! [ joking ] I hope you turned off all those toys of yours!

[ thrilling musical fanfare, as dinosaur toy is shown walking about the kids’ room ]

Son: Duh! Like I would ever leave my toys on!

Daughter: Mom! He left his dinosaur on!

Son: No! No! No!

[ show dinosaur toy walking about the room ]

Mom: Enough! Enough! It doesn’t matter – the batteries will probably run out.. it’s not a problem.

Dad: I left the sink running.

[ thrilling musical fanfare, as sink is shown running full blast ]

Dad: Just kidding!

Mom: [ laughing along ] Huh! Don’t do that to me! you scared the crap out of me!

Dad: I actually might have left it on..

[ show sink running full blast ]

Dad: I did!

Mom: [ suddenly tense ] What? What are you saying?

Dad: I-I left the water running.. I did!

Mom: Well, don’t tell me that!

Dad: I can’t help it! I now remember..

Daughter: Mommy, what’s happening?!

Mom: Oh, my God! The whole house is flooding!

Daughter: Mommy!!

Mom: I’m having.. I’m having trouble breathing!

Dad: I left everything on! The sink..

[ show sink running full blast ]

Dad: ..the coffeepot..

[ show coffeepot dripping ]

Dad: ..I left the door open..

[ show door open ]

Dad: And the dinosaur!

[ show toy dinosaur walking around the room ]

Dad: That does it! I’m turning this car around!

[ car turns around quickly, tires screeching ]

Mom: Gun it! We gotta get home!

Son: Dad!!

Dad: Shut up!! I left the oven on!!

[ show oven on ]

Mom: I left the burners on!!

[ show burners on ]

Dad: I left a fire in the fireplace!

[ show fireplace burning ]

Son: Mom! Dad! Mom!

Dad: Shut up!!

Mom: I left a radio in the bathtub!

[ show radio submerged in bathtub water ]

Dad: I left two cans of gas in the sun under a magnifiyng glass!

[ show two cans of gas under magnifying glass in the sun ]

Mom: I left an iron on a stack of newspapers!

[ show iron on stack of newspapers ]

Dad: The whole house is on fire!!

[ show house burning ]

Mom: [ grabbing at steering wheel ] We gotta get home faster!!

Son: Mom!! Mo-o-o-o-om!!

[ car falls over cliff ]

Son: Mom!! Dad!!

[ family is shown inside car, as background creates illusion they are still falling over the cliff ]

Dad: What?!!

Son: I turned everything off!!

Dad: You did?!

Son: Yeah! Everything’s fine!

Mom: Oh. that’s a relief..

[ car finally crashes and explodes at bottom of cliff ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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