01i: Ellen Degeneres / No Doubt
Family Vacation
Mom…..Ellen Degeneres
Dad…..Will Ferrell
Daughter…..Rachel Dratch
Son…..Jimmy Fallon
[ open on family in car, driving to a Christmas vacation ]
Mom: Hmm.. this was such a good idea.
Dad: Well, you know, I thought everyone was feeling tense. Why not just get out of the city and enjoy?
Mom: I can feel it. The further away we get from the city, the more my stress just melts off.
Son: Pretty cool, Dad!
Daughter: Yeah, this is gonna be fun!
Dad: Hey, the Jurnsbachs get to have fun every once in a while, right?
Kids: Jurnsbachs!!
Mom: Larry didn’t mind you taking the week off?
Dad: No, no, he wasn’t happy about it, but what the hell? I’ve got eight weeks of vacation – I’ve gotta use it sometime, right?
Mom: It’s true. I can hardly wait ’til we get there, I’m hitting the slopes right away.
Daughter: Me, too!
Mom: [ thinking suddenly ] You turned off the coffee, didn’t you?
[ thrilling musical fanfare, as coffee pot is shown dripping ]
Dad: Yep.. I think I did..
[ show coffee pot dripping ]
Dad: I’m sure I did.
Mom: I know you did. Of course you did!
Dad: I did!
Mom: Good!
Dad: [ thinking ] You locked the back door, right?
[ thrilling musical fanfare, as back door is shown wide open ]
Mom: I thought you locked it?
[ show back door wide open ]
Dad: No.. I locked the front door – you said you had the back door.
[ show back door wide open ]
Mom: I probably locked it.
Dad: I know you did.
Son: You guys worry too much!
Dad: [ playfully ] Hey, when you get a house and a hefty mortgage, you’ll worry, too!
[ Son laughs and plays with Dad’s ears, but is swatted at ]
Mom: That’s right, kiddo! [ joking ] I hope you turned off all those toys of yours!
[ thrilling musical fanfare, as dinosaur toy is shown walking about the kids’ room ]
Son: Duh! Like I would ever leave my toys on!
Daughter: Mom! He left his dinosaur on!
Son: No! No! No!
[ show dinosaur toy walking about the room ]
Mom: Enough! Enough! It doesn’t matter – the batteries will probably run out.. it’s not a problem.
Dad: I left the sink running.
[ thrilling musical fanfare, as sink is shown running full blast ]
Dad: Just kidding!
Mom: [ laughing along ] Huh! Don’t do that to me! you scared the crap out of me!
Dad: I actually might have left it on..
[ show sink running full blast ]
Dad: I did!
Mom: [ suddenly tense ] What? What are you saying?
Dad: I-I left the water running.. I did!
Mom: Well, don’t tell me that!
Dad: I can’t help it! I now remember..
Daughter: Mommy, what’s happening?!
Mom: Oh, my God! The whole house is flooding!
Daughter: Mommy!!
Mom: I’m having.. I’m having trouble breathing!
Dad: I left everything on! The sink..
[ show sink running full blast ]
Dad: ..the coffeepot..
[ show coffeepot dripping ]
Dad: ..I left the door open..
[ show door open ]
Dad: And the dinosaur!
[ show toy dinosaur walking around the room ]
Dad: That does it! I’m turning this car around!
[ car turns around quickly, tires screeching ]
Mom: Gun it! We gotta get home!
Son: Dad!!
Dad: Shut up!! I left the oven on!!
[ show oven on ]
Mom: I left the burners on!!
[ show burners on ]
Dad: I left a fire in the fireplace!
[ show fireplace burning ]
Son: Mom! Dad! Mom!
Dad: Shut up!!
Mom: I left a radio in the bathtub!
[ show radio submerged in bathtub water ]
Dad: I left two cans of gas in the sun under a magnifiyng glass!
[ show two cans of gas under magnifying glass in the sun ]
Mom: I left an iron on a stack of newspapers!
[ show iron on stack of newspapers ]
Dad: The whole house is on fire!!
[ show house burning ]
Mom: [ grabbing at steering wheel ] We gotta get home faster!!
Son: Mom!! Mo-o-o-o-om!!
[ car falls over cliff ]
Son: Mom!! Dad!!
[ family is shown inside car, as background creates illusion they are still falling over the cliff ]
Dad: What?!!
Son: I turned everything off!!
Dad: You did?!
Son: Yeah! Everything’s fine!
Mom: Oh. that’s a relief..
[ car finally crashes and explodes at bottom of cliff ]
[ fade ]
