01i: Ellen Degeneres / No Doubt
Dick Cheney’s Snowglobe
Dick Cheney…..Darrell Hammond
Lynn Cheney…..Ana Gasteyer
…..Horatio Sanz
…..Jimmy Fallon
…..Chris Kattan
…..Tracy Morgan
[ open on exterior, mountain area ]
[ SUPER: “An Undisclosed Location” ]
[ dissolve to interior, Vice-Presidnet Dick Cheney seated at desk ]
Lynn Cheney: Dick, it’s late. It’s late, and it’s Christmas Eve. Come to bed, we’ve got a big day tomorrow.
Dick Cheney: I want to finish up some up this paperwork. Besides, no one’s going to visit us tomorrow, because they don’t now where we are.
Lynn Cheney: You’re a good man, Dick.
Dick Cheney: I try.
Lynn Cheney: Good night.
Dick Cheney: Good night, sugar. [ she exits ] Boy, what a year. Who could have foreseen this year, these things in store for us? Who could have foreseen the challenges that we’re now facing as a nation? [ holds up snowglobe ] how ya doing, buddy? Oh, we’ve seen a lot of Christmas together, the good and the bad. Remember that time I talked my buddy into sticking his tongue into that frozen mailbox? George was there so long that we almost missed the inauguration. Yeah. Looking at you, Tiny Tim, Ebenezer Scrooge, Tiny Tim’s mom, his dad.. I yearn for the simpler days. I know you can’t make it all go away, Snow Globe, but I know that your simple tone will always give me a few minutes of peace and joy. Thanks, Snow Globe. Thanks a lot.
[ camera zooms in on the snowglobe, whose characters bear suspicious resemblance to Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan and Tracy Morgan ]
[ suddenly, Horatio, Jimmy, Chris and Tracy come alive, breaking into their familiar Christmas ditty ]Horatio Sanz: One…
[ Jimmy turns on keyboard ]
Horatio Sanz: One…
Jimmy Fallon: Two…
Horatio Sanz: One-
Jimmy Fallon: Two-
Horatio Sanz: Three-
Jimmy Fallon: Four!
[ they start playing ]
Horatio Sanz: “I don’t care what your momma says-
Christmas is coming fast!”
Horatio and Jimmy: “I don’t care what your poppa says-“
Horatio Sanz: “Christmas is gonna be a super bla-ast.
I don’t care if you think it’s cool-
You’d better get ready for a sweet-ass yule!
I don’t care what the papers say-
Christmas is number one.“
Horatio and Jimmy: “I don’t care about your grandma’s lies-
Christmastime equals fun-“
Horatio Sanz: “I don’t care if you think I’m a goof-
I want to hear Santa landing on my roof.”
Horatio and Jimmy: “I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay!
I wish it was Christmas todaa-ay!”
[ they stop playing, and bow to the audience ]
