HBO First Look
George Lucas…..Darrell Hammond
Master Windu…..Tracy Morgan
Obi-Won Kanobi…..Seth Meyers
JC Chasez…..Josh Hartnett
Justin Timberlake…..Jimmy Fallon
Chris Kirkpatrick…..Chris Kattan
Joey Fatone…..Horatio Sanz
Lance Bass…..Jeff Richards
Jar Jar Binx…..Dean Edwards
Announcer: And now, HBO First Look: “Star Wars Episode II – Attack of the Clones.”
2nd Announcer: Today on HBO First Look, notoriously secretive director, George Lucas, lets us onto the set of the highly anticipated second installment of his “Star Wars” series.
George Lucas: There’s been a lot of rumors about “Attack of the Clones”, especially from “fans”, about *Nsync being in the movie. I got a lot of nasty e-mails on the subject. I guess the pimply-faced nerd who got a Darth Vader back-pack for his 14th birthday knows better than me, the creator of “Star Wars”. That’s just great. But just forget about *Nsync, you won’t even notice them. The important thing is that this movie is moving toward a totally digital medium. There’s no more film. Take a look at this scene, shot totally on digital video.
(Cut to scene)
Script Guy: Scene 62, take 1.
George Lucas: Action!
Master Windu: Does Anakin Skywalker have enough metecloroids to join the Jedi council? You damn right he don’t!!!
Obi-Wan Kinobi: No Master Windu. Anakin is the only one who can restore power to the force and save the republic from the evil Count Docu. Right, *Nsync?
J.C.: That’s right Obi-Wan Kinobi. And we’re here to save the galaxy and tell kids to stay in school.
Justin: Yeah, and that
*Nsync: [ singing ] “Ain’t no lie, baby bye bye bye!!”
(Cut back to George)
George: I think another thing the fans worry about is Jar Jar Binks. I mean – again – “fans”. You know, if you don’t like it, don’t go see it. Guess what? I’m gonna be fine either way, I’ve got billions. But don’t worry, we scaled Jar Jar’s role way back. In the few scenes he’s in, he’s an older, a wiser, more dignified character.
(Cut to Jar Jar)
Jar Jar Binks: Missa go pipi and poopoo and kaka. Missa stinky, winky, glipy, dorpy
2nd Announcer: Close watchers of “The Phantom Menace” may have already seen a few special cameos from other films in the background. According to the director, viewers of the sequel can expect more of the same.
(Cut to George)
George Lucas: I think people got a huge kick out of seeing E.T. in the background scene or uhh the background of the Senate scene in Episode I. So there’s gonna be more surprises, a few more, in “Attack of the Clones”.
(Cut to scene)
Master Windu: I’d like to thank the members of the Jedi council for assembling at such a short notice. Obi-Wan Kinobi, the guy with the crazy neck, Alf, Mayor McCheese, Harry Potter, Cartman from “South Park”, Monica Lewinsky, and finally – Master Yoda.
Yoda: What’s up, homies?
(Cut to George)
George Lucas: It really is a movie for die-hard fans and I’m really excited about it. I think it’s the best “Star Wars” movie yet. And now, I’m proud to present an entire sequence (chuckle) a sequence from my new film – “Attack of the Clones”.
(Cut to scene)
Obi-Wan Kinobi: Master Windu, we haven’t but one choice.
Master Windu: I know Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan Kinobi: We have to do it. in order to save the universe from tyranny and depression, we have to let *Nsync kick the funk out lizzidy new school style.
Master Windu: Ladies and Gentlemen *Nsync!!
*Nsync: [ singing ]
“Oh girl, you I know I love you.”
(All Jedis report to space station Alpha Quattro, by order of the force.)
“Oh girl, it ain’t over yet,
You’ve come to drown my heart like you were bobba-fat.
Without you I feel so alone,
Like I was attacked, attacked by clones.
I’m a Jedi knight, in these Jedi days,
I can’t forget these Jedi ways, yeah yeah yeah yeah,
These rhymes are fresh, I think you’re dope ahh,
Help me Obi-Wan Kinobi, cuz you’re my only hope.”
2nd Announcer: This was HBO First Look. Stay tuned to the eighth annual Arli$$ marathon.
Thanks to Tal Horwitz for this transcript!
