Josh Hartnett’s Monologue


01j: Josh Hartnett / Pink

Josh Hartnett’s Monologue

…..Josh Hartnett
…..Jimmy Fallon

Josh Hartnett: Thank you, thanks for coming along you guys. Thanks, thank you. Thanks a lot yeah, alright… no no no, it’s okay, it’s okay. Thanks a lot you guys.

Hi, I’m Josh Hartnett. Well, you know what? I know you guys are probably expecting to see the same old Josh Hartnett stuff tonight, but… you’re in for a big surprise… because I’m not gonna be the Josh Hartnett that you’re used to seeing, alright?

Jimmy Fallon: Josh, Josh, Josh! Can I talk to you for a second?

Josh Hartnett: Yeah… Jimmy, what are you doing? I’m kind of in the middle of something…

Jimmy Fallon: What are you doing? What are you doing?

Josh Hartnett: What do you mean? What are you talking about? I’m being the new Josh Hartnett, you know, I think people are kinda sick of the old Josh Hartnett.

Jimmy Fallon: No, not, not, not a good idea.

Josh Hartnett: Well, I’m trying to think outside of the Josh Hartnett box.

Jimmy Fallon: Not cool man! Not cool!

Josh Hartnett: Okay…well, how would you know about that anyway?

Jimmy Fallon: I did it already…I became the new Jimmy Fallon.

Josh Hartnett: What are you talking about? When did you do this?

Jimmy Fallon: This was way back…in 2000…

Josh Hartnett: Oh…

Jimmy Fallon: Things were different back then.

Josh Hartnett: I remember that.Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, I mean, you gotta remember this was a long time ago. This was back before they had iPods, you know… This is back when cell phones… now they’re this big… back then they were this big. I tried to be the new Jimmy Fallon but I was young. I trusted the wrong people… I don’t know, take a look…

(shows a picture of Jimmy with a mustache and shorts)

Josh Hartnett: That’s… that’s not good man.

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah… I, I know…

Josh Hartnett: I mean, that’s pretty bad.

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, yeah, I know.

Josh Hartnett: I mean… I really can’t believe you still work here…

Jimmy Fallon: Hey, let it go! Alright? Look, my point is that not everybody is tired of the old Josh Hartnett.

Josh Hartnett: Really?

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, yeah…

Josh Hartnett: Are you… you’re not tired of the old Josh Hartnett?

Jimmy Fallon: I’ve been working with you all week, I’m a little tired of the old Josh Hartnett.

Josh Hartnett: Well, did you use to like the old Josh Hartnett?

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah, the new Jimmy Fallon… he really, really, really liked… almost too much. I mean, do I have to show you the picture again?… It was too much.

(shows the picture again)

Josh Hartnett: Yeah, well thanks Jimmy, thanks a lot man.

Jimmy Fallon: You’re welcome.

Josh Hartnett: Do you wanna stick around for the rest of this or…

Jimmy Fallon: No, I gotta go…

Josh Hartnett: Alright man… Jimmy Fallon.

Well, We do have a great show for you guys tonight. The old Josh Hartnett is here. Pink is here! Stick around, we’ll be right back!

Thanks to Tal Horwitz for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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