The Shout-Out Show


01j: Josh Hartnett / Pink

The Shout-Out Show

Grandmaster Freddy…..Tracy Morgan
Ken Stein…..Chris Kattan
Zola…..Maya Rudolph
Big Perv…..Dean Edwards
Murphy…..Jeff Richards
Dina Dexter…..Pink
Robert Saltzman…..Josh Hartnett


Announcer: Live, from the Albany Projects in Brooklyn, U.S.A., it’s “The Shout-Out Show”! With your host, Grandmaster Freddy!

Grandmaster Freddy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! This is Grandmaster Freddy! And this is “The Shout-Out Show”! First of all, I gotta give a Big Dog shout-out to the audience, ’cause y’all doin’ big things! [ audience applauds wildly ] That’s right! A’ight! And I’d also like to give a big shout-out to my station manager, Ken Stein!

Ken Stein: [ humbled ] Thanks, Grandmaster! Shout-ut to you, too! Ha ha!

Grandmaster Freddy: Let’s not forget to give a special shout-out to our official sponsor – Sobe Sports Drink! Sobe! Just drink it! And a special shout-out goes to your Airness, Michael Jordan! Your wife Juanita about to take yo ass to the cleaners! So keep your head up, baller! Hey, Juany – give me a call tomorrow, baby!

Now, we gonna head straight to the phone lines, so all you cats out there can make sopme shout-outs! So make ’em laugh – do the damn thing! First caller, you on “The Shout-Out Show”!

Zola: Hey, Freddy! I’d like to give a shout-out to all my co-workers in housekeeping at the Brooklyn Comfort Inn!

Grandmaster Freddy: Big minimum wage shout-out to housekeeping over at the BK Comfort Inn! You know you who is!

Zola: I also wanna shout-out to my sister, Avia Raedell, who’s over in the Army Reserve – gotta shout you out, girl!

Grandmaster Freddy: That shout’s going out to G.I. Jane, who’s serving Uncle Sam!

Zola: And I’d like to give a special shout-out to the makers of Valtrex, for helping me with my herpes problem!

Grandmaster Freddy: A’ight! Medicinal shout-out to Valtrex! We gotta move on! Next caller!

Big Perv: Hey, yo, yo! Freddy! Yo, this is Big Perv from up North, yo! I’d like to give a crazy shout-out to the three females who’s currently pregnant by me!

Grandmaster Freddy: A’ight! Unwanted pregnancy shout-out to the knocked-up chicks in your life!

Big Perv: Yo, and I want to shout-out my three kids – Pervis, Jr., Delronna, and Felsgar! Daddy loves you, be out in 2005 – peace!

Grandmaster Freddy: Dysfunctional shout-out to your boys! Next caller, you’re on “The Shout-Out Show” with Grandmaster!

Murphy: Hey, Grandmaster, hey! I’d like to send a major shout-out to all the guys in Mergers and Acquisitions at Merryl Lynch, and, oh..! Also, a shout-out to Pierre Desomaliar in Pinchot Lane.. and another shout-out to my bud Tucker at the Shag Harbor Yacht Club! [ chuckles ]

Grandmaster Freddy: Big Caucasian shout-out to all those dudes – all those square ones – from another lame white boy! Just time for y’all favorite segment – the Shout-Out of the Week! This week’s winner is from Hell’s Kitchen, here in New York. How ’bout a shout-out for Dina Dexter!

[ Dina Dexter enters set ]

Dina Dexter: What’s up, chickenheads! First of all, I want to give a shout-out to all the girls I work with outside the 8th Ave. entrance to the Port Authority Bus Terminal! I love you all! Except for Nisha – I know you ate my fish sandwich, bitch! And when I find you, I’m gonna cut you up! [ exits ]

Grandmaster Freddy: Shout-out to all the street walkers outside the Port Authority – minus the fish sandwich girl who’s gonna get cut! Now, it’s time for my guest. He’s an associate director of the city harvest – check this out, it’s a food rescue program! how ’bout a warm shout-out to Robert Saltzman!

[ Robert Saltzman enters set ]

Grandmaster Freddy: What’s up, damn! Oh, man, give me some love, babe!

Robert Saltzman: What’s up?

Grandmaster Freddy: Sit down, have a seat, dog! [ they sit ] All right! Welcome, Robert, to “The Shout-Out Show”!

Robert Saltzman: Word, man! Thank you, thank you!

Grandmaster Freddy: Alright! So, who you gonna shout-out first?!

Robert Saltzman: Well, you know, as Associate Director of the City Harvest, I’d like to give a big shout-out to al the volunteers, who, you know, are leading the battle against hunger, and against all the, uh.. against hunger, basically.

Grandmaster Freddy: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Big non-profit shout to the City Harvest!

Robert Saltzman: Yeah. Well, as you know, there are five million pounds of food thrown away each year by New York restaurants.. and, at the same time, almost a million people go hungry, and half of them children.

Grandmaster Freddy: Shout-out to starving children!

Robert Saltzman: Well, uh.. I don’t think you really.. no, I’m sure you don’t mean that. Hey, uh.. starving children are not who you should be giving a shout-out to, right?

Grandmaster Freddy: Nah, nah, it don’t work that way, period! This “The Shout-Out Show”, cuz!

Robert Saltzman: Yeah, but.. I’m talking about single mothers in poverty here.. I’m talking about women who are malnourished to the point that they stop having regular menstrual cycles.

Grandmaster Freddy: Big, big gynecological shout-out to irregular menstrual cycles! And on that note, another shout-out to our sponsor! Sobe!

Robert Saltzman: Listen, man, we met one family that was so desperate for food, they were forced to eat garbage!

Grandmaster Freddy: Shout-out to eating garbage!

Robert Saltzman: Why would you give a shout-out to eating garbage?! Innocent people are starving right here, in this city!

Grandmaster Freddy: Special shout-out to dead people! [ laughs ] We are about out of time, any upcoming projects you wanna tell us about?

Robert Saltzman: Yeah.. I was gonna tell..

Grandmaster Freddy: A’ight!

Robert Saltzman: I was..

Grandmaster Freddy: A’ight!

Robert Saltzman: I was gonna talk about..

Grandmaster Freddy: A’ight!

Robert Saltzman: ..the City Harvest Walk-a-Thon..

Grandmaster Freddy: A’ight!

Robert Saltzman: ..that we planned to draw awareness to both the feeding of the hungry, and drig abuse!

Grandmaster Freddy: Shout-out to drug abuse! A’ight! [ Robert storms off the set ] Shout-out to the cat that just walked off my show! Dig this here! That’s it for this week! I’d like to give a final shout-out to the New York Jets, who unfortunately ate it earlier tonight! Like those homeless people eating garbage! Do the damn thing!

SNL Transcripts

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