Camp X-Ray: U.S. Detainment Facility #240678129934-AH-29J


01l: Britney Spears

Camp X-Ray: U.S. Detainment Facility #240678129934-AH-29J

Hamid al-Sharif…..Horatio Sanz
Vice President Dick Cheney…..Darrell Hammond

Announcer: It’s magical. Where miles of white sand beaches are caressed by the warm, Caribbean breezes. Where is this wonderful place, you ask? It’s Camp X-Ray, the U.S. detainment facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Some may call it inhumane, but we call it a tropical incarceration paradise! Just ask Mr. Hamid al-Sharif of Detainment Area 16!

Hamid al-Sharif: Here at Camp X-Ray, we can pray and eat Froot Loops. The Caribbean breezes are intoxicating. Plus, we do not get raped.

Announcer: Enjoy the ocean view from the open-air detainment bungalows. Pamper yourself with a luxurious head and beard shaving and a full body de-lousing. Savor culturally sensitive meals, like cream cheese and bagels. And keep the government issue prayer-rug as our gift!

Dick Cheney: Take it from me, Dick Cheney, if I’m ever convicted of wrongdoings, I’d like to disclose this location as first-rate Caribbean imprisonment.

Announcer: So, why don’t you lay off on the humanitarian trick, world? These crazy bastards have it pretty nice down here, ok? Camp X-Ray: if it wasn’t for the cages, it would be Club Med.


Thanks to Elizabeth C. for this transcript!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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