Camp X-Ray: U.S. Detainment Facility #240678129934-AH-29J
Hamid al-Sharif…..Horatio Sanz
Vice President Dick Cheney…..Darrell Hammond
Announcer: It’s magical. Where miles of white sand beaches are caressed by the warm, Caribbean breezes. Where is this wonderful place, you ask? It’s Camp X-Ray, the U.S. detainment facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Some may call it inhumane, but we call it a tropical incarceration paradise! Just ask Mr. Hamid al-Sharif of Detainment Area 16!
Hamid al-Sharif: Here at Camp X-Ray, we can pray and eat Froot Loops. The Caribbean breezes are intoxicating. Plus, we do not get raped.
Announcer: Enjoy the ocean view from the open-air detainment bungalows. Pamper yourself with a luxurious head and beard shaving and a full body de-lousing. Savor culturally sensitive meals, like cream cheese and bagels. And keep the government issue prayer-rug as our gift!
Dick Cheney: Take it from me, Dick Cheney, if I’m ever convicted of wrongdoings, I’d like to disclose this location as first-rate Caribbean imprisonment.
Announcer: So, why don’t you lay off on the humanitarian trick, world? These crazy bastards have it pretty nice down here, ok? Camp X-Ray: if it wasn’t for the cages, it would be Club Med.
THE PRECEDING WAS A PAID MESSAGE FROM THE U.S. GOVERNMENT
Thanks to Elizabeth C. for this transcript!